I think, therefore I am........................I think.
Warlock
Share a joke/Say something funny/Be Stupid thread
by KW13 24 Replies latest jw friends
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Stealth453
Little Johnnie was sitting on a park bench, eating chocolate bar after chocolate bar. A man sitting nearby watched little Johnnie wolf down 9 chocolate bars in a row, and was so disturbed by the sight, he said to Johnnie, "That much chocolate is bad for you. I wil give you bad teeth, bad skin, and make you fat."
Johnnie looked at the man for a second, and replied "My grandfather lived to be 98 years old."
"Really" says the man, "did he eat as much chocolate as you do?"
"No" says Johnnie, "he minded his own f******g business"
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Jim_TX
It's raining cats and dogs here in San Antonio... I should know... I was outsid
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Jim_TX
It's raining cats and dogs here in San Antonio... I should know... I was outside earlier and stepped in a poodle.
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bigdreaux
okay, an old guy walks into a bar with 3 ducks.
now, you have to understand, this bartender is the same one from all the other jokes, so, he knows better than to ask about the damn ducks.
the guy sits there quietly drinking his drinks while his ducks stare at the bartender.
finally, the old man gets up to go to the bathroom.
the bartender is left with the ducks staring at him
he finally can take no more, and asks the first duck, "what's your name?"
the duck answers, "i'm huey"
"hi huey" the bartender says, "how's your day been?"
"oh good "huey responds, "i've been running around, been in and out of puddles all day long, not bad"
the bartender looks at the second duck and asks his name
"i'm duey" he responds
hello duey, how's your day been?
oh, good, been having fun, in and out of puddles all day. can't complain
the bartender then looks at the last duck, and says, "you must be louie"
the duck responds, "no, i'm puddles, don't even ask about my day."
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Little Drummer Boy
A little Linux humour.
I was gonna explain it, but either you know about Linux and therefore are geek and you would think that pic up there is damn funny....or else you don't know about Linux and ....well...nevermind.
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Sparkplug
It was entertainment night at the Senior Center and the Amazing Claude
was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed
hypnotist do his stuff.
As Claude went to the front of the meeting Room, he announced, "Unlike
most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into
a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the
audience."
The excitement was almost electric
As Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
"I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a Very
special watch. It's been in my family for six Generations."
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light
gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a Hundred pieces.
"Shit" said the Hypnotist.
It took three days to clean up the senior center. -
Sparkplug
A man and a woman was sitting beside each other in the first class section
of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose,
then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed
again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about
the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.
As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than
before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman, "I couldn't
help but notice" he said, "that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose
and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?"
"I am sorry if I disturbed you," she replied. "I have a very rare medical
condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never
heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking
anything for it?"
The woman nodded, "Black Pepper." -
bigdreaux
what does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do?
they stay up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
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bigdreaux
damnit, just saw that last joke on another thread. what are the chances?