left 16yrs ago n still have issues and confidence probs,

xnmad

Ileft "the truth" 16yrs ago and still cant move on in some areas of my life, i have no family now as they stopped talking to me and have never relented.this has left me with serious problems with needing aproval from people in my life.I have never stopped trying to win my fathers aproval and no i,l never have it unless i go back(which would NEVER happen)jus wondered if any1 else has similar hangups, n if you do, how do i deal with it n move on.

Gopher

Hi xnmad,

I'm DF'd and shunned by my parents and grandmother too. I still have my sister, and extended family. Do you have extended family within reach, maybe being with them for a while can compensate a little for the loss of immediate family.

As far as the approval thing, this part is a strong imprint from the organization, and it hit some of us harder than others (depending on personality type). The way I think about it is this -- my father's parents are dead, who does he seek approval from? And once my father is gone, he won't be there so no approval will be necessary.

So since I've lost my father and mother to a heartless organization, I have to give myself approval and permission to seek the things I want and need from life, and to contribute to the well-being of others to the best of my ability and circumstances.

free2think

XNMAD.

I can totally relate to what you are feeling. Im glad you found this board, its a great source of support and you'll see you are not alone in your experiences at all, sadly.

nvrgnbk

Most of us are in the same boat as you.

Glad you're here.

It gets better.

But it can take a while, as you well know.

Welcome to JWD, xnmad.

xnmad

thanx for takin the time to answer you guys.feel a right saddo that it still affects me after all this time thats all n it seems to be gettin worse not better.

DeusMauzzim

Welcome xnmad!

I think I can relate to what you say.

Approval has to do with responsibility, and that has to do with maturity.

Your family has given itself heart and soul to a stupid publishing corp because they needed approval from someone/something for everything they do in life.

They have never figured about that the one who needs to approve with your decisions is YOU. Of course you can listen to advice from friends, but real friends know that you have the ultimate responsibility for your decisions and won't keep bothering you about it (like shunning does).

Do you really need approval from persons who can't take full responsibility in their own lives?

Keep posting! And all the best!

- Deus Mauzzim

greendawn

Welcome xnmad, the best way to overcome these issues is by developing a strong social life with non JWs. It's also a case of how much one gets over the JW ideology sometimes if elements of it are left sitting in the unconscious mind they can cause problems while going unperceived. Eg the very negative JW god image and the way he operates, the belief that the WTS is the true religion (which it certainly isn't) or that the world is homogeneously bad.

xnmad

cant believe the amount of support, thanx so much, have felt so alone over the years coz not even my partner could really relate to my experiences, except for thinking their all mad.

snowbird

cant believe the amount of support, thanx so much

You've come to the right place, xnmad. I've been out physically since 2005, but emotionally, that's another story. This board has been such a comfort and support. Please keep posting.

Snowbird

ex-nj-jw

Welcome to JWD xnmad,

I spent the majority of my childhood trying to gain my mother's approval, then I gave up as a teenager and went the total opposite way. But deep down inside, I think I still tried to gain her approval, I excelled in everything I did, graduated with honors, went to nursing school and didn't stop until I got my BSN RN degree, took care of my kids and made sure I was the best mother I knew how to be.

She still doesn't approve of me, now i do things because they make me proud of me, make my children and husband proud of me. Sometimes you have to redirect your energy to those who truely are there for you.

I hope things get easier for you, stick around read and get to know what others have been through. This may give you the strength to let go.

nj

left 16yrs ago n still have issues and confidence probs,

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