Please read if you commented on topic re:FDS/BS- meeting elders-BACKGROUND

by AWAKE&WATCHING 13 Replies latest jw friends

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  AWAKE&WATCHING

  My situation is a little different than most.The only family I have in the Borg are my in-laws who don't care much for me any way. While my husband has studied off and on for years and is currently attending most meetings, he has never felt "ready" to get baptized.

  I was in the truth (gag) for 10 years, went through a bad divorce from an unbeliever and disassociated myself , I was depressed, worn out and felt guilty for not being able to keep up with the "do more" BS. I still believed and blamed myself. I met my current husband and we dated for 12 years during the 11 years I was away from the congregation and the first year after my re-instatement. He was supposedly ready to get baptized, that was almost 5 years ago. His parents were JW's and it was our goal to serve Jehovah.

  Our marriage has not been easy because he stays out late on week-ends with worldly friends,has a Bible study of his own and studies with a little boy from the hall. I have hated his hypocrisy and the fact that he is in the school. We have actually become close again because I share a lot of my new views with him.

  I told my husband I no longer care if he parties and gives talks at the hall because I no longer believe that THAT religion represents God in any way he would want to be represented. I also made it clear that I hope he never gets baptized TO AN ORGANIZATION.

  This has all come out slowly since May as "I have concerns, I am doing research in the Society's publications." I have told my best friend the same thing.

  Two weeks ago I decided that I don't care if I am disfellowshipped because I am not totally free to write letters to the editor, support Silent Lambs, or anything else I might want the freedom to do. I feel the same way about my marriage and lack of that freedom. It's been rocky and I've put up with a lot, however my husband recently told me he recognizes that our problems have been his doing and he doesn't know how or why I've put up with it.

  The elders are my friends and should not even be talking to me in an un-official

  capacity because they already know the following:

  1) I no longer believe in the FDS as God's channel of communication.

  2) I've done tons of research on the evil internet.

  3) I have read "Crisis of Conscience" and "Christian Freedom".

  4) My intention is to explain why I feel the way I do. I am doing this at my best friend's request and am not afraid or worried about the consequences.
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  Tara

  A+W, Good for you. You are very brave. I hope it goes well for you.
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  mbb

  i say 2 you is dont worry bout being disfellowshipped enjoy your freedom i left 2 yrs ago just left dont see them cant believe how good i truly feel "the truth will set you free" but the FDS dont have it
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  changeling

  Follow your gut.

  changeling
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  sweet pea

  Sounds like you pretty much know where you're at and are prepared for the whatever the outcome may be.
  
  The upside to be disfellowshipping is definitely total freedom of speech and actions - no need to worry anymore about offending anyone or your 'secret life' being revealed.
  
  Go for it if that is what you want.
  
  All the best, can't wait to hear what happens next....
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  minimus

  so what did your husband say to all of this???
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  AWAKE&WATCHING

  Minimus - you might regret you asked, sorry so long.

  Funny thing is, I thought he'd totally freak out because we have truly been on the edge of a divorce pretty much since we got married almost 5 years ago. I figured this would be his "out" because he says he's "not cut out for the job" of being a husband.

  I told him about 3 weeks into my awakening when I found out about the UN, I had to talk to someone and thought it couldn't hurt. He has been very understanding and listens to everything, which is surprising because we have really grown apart. It's almost like the guy I fell in love with is back. He feels that the BS "imperfect men" excuse is valid and I told him that contradicts "speaking for God". Very strange, I thought this would be the nail in the coffin. He wanted me to talk to the elders and I told him that I needed to do research.

  I haven't been to ONE meeting since I woke up. We had a pretty serious talk when I didn't attend the convention. He said to me, "You should have gone, they answered a lot of your questions." I told him that from my research of the publications I knew what the Society's views are on every one of my concerns/questions because I have researched every one of them thoroughly.

  Then I looked at him straight in the eye and said, " I AM NEVER GOING BACK." with serious conviction. I then said the part about hoping he never gets baptized to an organization, they aren't my mediator, only Jesus is, and I don't care if he is giving talks from the platform when he hangs out at bars because, " I don't believe that organization/religion represents God in any way he would want to be represented."

  Kindly, I explained that when he has tried to help me by asking for answers to some of my questions (he did this to protect me because he is not baptized) it didn't help because the answers he got that made sense to him needed follow-up questions. I said, "I am a student of the Bible, I read those books on my shelf (History of Christianity, denominations and cults, world religions etc.), they aren't just there for looks. I was looking for the truth when I found this religion. You are not research minded and those answers that are acceptable to you no longer are enough for me."

  Bottom line is he thinks "wait on Jehovah", "they admit they are imperfect", yadda, yadda. He doesn't believe I can get disfellowshipped for asking questions OR disagreeing, even if I don't accept the answers they give me.

  He wants to go with me to talk to my friends, the elders, because he is willing to look at any of my information and I haven't taken the time to share it. I told him every question leads to 10 others and they lead to 10 others like pulling on a loose piece of yarn in a sweater, it just keeps unraveling.

  Thanks for asking - that felt good to put it into words.

  OOH! AAH! What an adventure.
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  Anti-Christ

  I'm with Changeling, follow your gut. Do what you have to do because if you don't you might have regrets, that's my advice.
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  jwfacts

  He doesn't believe I can get disfellowshipped for asking questions

  If you husband attends and sees your questions are not answered and you are disfellowshipped there is a good chance that will have impact on him. When I was disfellowshipped my wife immediately stopped attending meetings, even though prior to that she did not agree with what I had been saying.
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  OnTheWayOut

  I am not totally free to write letters to the editor, support Silent Lambs, or anything else I might want the freedom to do.

  I sent you a PM before reading this thread. I understand the desire to have more freedom to do as you wish.
  Perhaps your DF or DA is the way to that freedom. Perhaps, it is the best way to help your husband see the
  path he should take. I would resist the DA, and I would soft sell the arguments with the elders. Speak your
  mind, and say what you need to say, but don't drag it into a huge "Apostate vs. Elders" argument. Your calm
  stating of your research and discoveries, then their being forced to DF you- that will show your husband what
  they are like. He will be surprised that just reading stuff and thinking for yourself will get you DF'ed.

  I would admit reading information from former members, and avoid answering the question on whether you
  believe the religion anymore, but refuse to promise to avoid further research into the religion. They will
  reluctantly DF you because you will continue to look at apostate materials. That will show how sorry the
  religion is. You seem to have your mind set, but you have thought about it. Do what you need. Power to ya.