Sex is good

by joelbear 15 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  joelbear

  I never cease to be amazed at how people react to sex, images of sex and conversation about sex.

  Even many of my homosexual friends just cringe at the mention of sex even within a small group of all males.

  People online describe sex as naughty, nasty, dirty.

  Well, I simply don't view sex that way and never will. Sex between two (or more) willing consenting adult partners is fun, healthy and can bring these people closer together, if they just let it.

  I think maybe so many people view sex as bad because so many people use coercion or exploitation to get people to have sex with them and I agree this is terribly bad. Especially is this true when it involves a minor. But it is also true whenever the two people come into the situation from different power stratas (rich vs poor, mature vs immature, etc. etc. etc.) Throughout history and still true today, men come from a higher power strata culturally than do women (not saying its right, just the way it is).

  I think girls have always been taught sex was dirty to keep boys from taking advantage of them. Obviously, that hasn't worked. What girls really need to be taught is that being taken advantage of is bad, whether in a sexual way or any way. Its the exploitation that is bad, not the sexual act.

  Exploitation also takes place in same sex, sexual situations, but I don't think it is as common because more often the two come from equal or close to equal power stratas. This is again, of course not true, in the case of adults and minors.

  take care

  Joel
• 

  LDH1

  What girls really need to be taught is that being taken advantage of is bad, whether in a sexual way or any way. Its the exploitation that is bad, not the sexual act.

  You're absolutely right, Joel! But there's still at least two generations of women out there who never learned to enjoy sex, and they will still try to tell the younger generation how 'bad' sex is, etc etc.

  Personally, I'm planning to advocate HEALTHY CHOICES to my 11 y.o. daughter. And it will probably kill me inside when I find out she's wanting to be sexually active. But god damnit all, I'm gonna put on a happy face and take her to the doctor straight away for some birth control.

  We've been having 'talks' (she doesn't know this) for YEARS about choosing the right boyfriend. And now that she's in middle school, hormone hell, she's starting to show an interest in boys.

  Great advice Joel.

  Lisa
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  TR

  Can't we at least advocate that teens concentrate on what's important at their age, like school and other activities? The more we are involved with our kids, the less likely they'll concentrate on teen sex. We need to teach them that sex in the teen years is irresponsible. Sex should be saved until they are more mature and able to make better decisions. They should wait until they are capable of raising kids if they indeed get pregant.

  I can pretty much gaurantee that my two daughters(17, 13) and my son(15) are too focused on academics and other activities to be too worried about the opposite sex. They fully realize the consequences of sexual relations had when too young or immature. We don't teach them that sex is bad, but that it's a bad idea to get involved with sex at their ages. Birth control methods have never been discussed with our kids, they know that it's stupid to have sex at their ages.

  As parents of 3 teens, my wife and I are very involved in what our kids do. As they get older, and can handle certain responsibilities, we give them more oppertunity to show responsibility. It seems to work for us, anyway.

  TR

  The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
  —Edmund Burke
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  SixofNine

  Birth control methods have never been discussed with our kids, they know that it's stupid to have sex at their ages.

  Your kids are 17, 13, and 15????? Geez man, wake the fuck up! Stupid to be having sex at 15 or 17??? maybe in the cold light of life experience, but then again, your 17, 15, and 13 year olds don't have much life experience do they? And maybe it is stupid, I'm not even all that sure about that anymore, but it is also very, VERY, natural.

  Kids can reason (whether you "talk" with them, or not) that sex can be had with very little risk of pregnancy and disease. If they do reason that way, they will in fact be right. Unfortunately, the desire for sex often precludes their even feeling a need to "think" at all. Then it gets dangerous. That is why the thinking and talking should be done far before they get into that situation.

  As far as keeping them busy, TR, I couldn't agree more. I think there is nothing more one can do to help their kids out. Still, we are all busy, and we find time for sex, now don't we?
• 

  mommy

  Joel,
  Great post, I was going to reply earlier but I chickened out[:|]

  TR,
  You know I have a great respect for you, but I do not agree that not talking of birth control is a good thing. If a teen does not know the basics of sex and how their body works, they will more than likely fall prey to unwanted pregnancies. I agree that having sex is irresponsible at that age, but guess what...so are your kids.

  Teens have so much pressure from their peers, television, and teachers. Who better to tell them the truths out there than you. It sounds like you already armed them with info against having sex. Now give them info on how to protect themselves if they do have sex. Pregnancy is not the only unwanted product of unprotected sex. And AIDS is not the only STD that you should worry about, though it is deadly.

  I am sorry to interfere, but I feel very strongly about this issue. I was working in a doctors office, and a mother brought in her 15 year old daughter for a check up. The daughter admitted to her that when she was away visiting her dad she had a sexual encounter.The mother looked at the girl like she was the worst trash on the earth. She sat in the office the entire time the girl had a pelvic exam and refused to leave. Saying to her, "So you gonna run out again and sleep around?" and a whole list of degrading comments. The daughter layed on the table and silently cried. After repeatedly telling her mother it happened only once, and she was so sorry.

  The DR told her she had warts, and they had to be removed. This is done by several different methods and the doctor explained them all to the daughter and mother, including the pain level to expect. The mother chose the procedure which causes the most pain. It was at this time, I felt physically ill. I looked at this girl, who looked like she was being raped. And my heart broke for her.

  As the DR performed the procedure, the daughter was screaming and I held her hand, she kept crying, "Mommy I am so sorry, Mommy" This was just a child! Her body was telling her she was ready to be an adult. She really didn't know better, but she could have avoided all this if she had been informed.

  This has stuck with me and I will never forget the girls cry for her "Mommy" Making a wise choice and abstaining is a wonderful thing to teach your children. But you have to finish up the lesson and teach them what to do when their body tells them it is ready for sex.
  wendy

  Blind faith can justify anything.~Richard Dawkins
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  TR

  Oh for Jesus Herbert Christ's sakes Mommy and Six! My kids are well educated about sex and what the different birth control methods are. Somehow I gave you guys the impression that my kids are ignorant about these things. That couldn't be farther from the truth.

  My kids apretty smart cookies. But there is no chance of them having sex around my house or any of their friends houses for that matter.

  Six, We adults find time for sex because we can and should. The kids can't bring home a member of the opposite sex for a sleep over! What a rediculous statement you made.

  TR

  The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
  —Edmund Burke
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  mommy

  LOl TR,
  Ok point taken. I was just commenting after reading this comment you made.

  Birth control methods have never been discussed with our kids, they know that it's stupid to have sex at their ages.

  
  I am sorry if I got the wrong impression
  wendy

  Blind faith can justify anything.~Richard Dawkins
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  SixofNine

  I was confused by the same statement mommy was:

  Birth control methods have never been discussed with our kids, they know that it's stupid to have sex at their ages.

  So, how did they get so well educated, and how do you know if you have never discussed it?

  Also, you said

  My kids apretty smart cookies. But there is no chance of them having sex around my house or any of their friends houses for that matter.

  I was just curious, what planet do you live on?
• 

  TR

  Hi Mommy,

  I made that last post in haste because I was in a hurry to get out the door and take my son to a marching band competition, so I apologize for the inconcise way I worded it.

  Unfortunately, I learned the hard way about consequences of my teen years. My parents didn't have much to say about the dangers of teen sex. I, however, have made a determined effort to educate my kids on this issue.

  Six,

  And maybe it is stupid, I'm not even all that sure about that anymore, but it is also very, VERY, natural.

  YOU better wake the fuck up. What an assanine statement. Kids aren't eqipped to deal with all the intricacies of sexual relationships and their aftermath. That's why I stress the consequences of it to my kids. They've seen the product of stupid kids and their actions. Some kids parents give their kids wide latitude to roam around and be precarious in their relationships. I give my kids responsibility in small doses as they mature. I know where they are and what they're doing every minute of the day. They know to keep my wife and I informed as to what they are doing and where they are going, and I take great pains to make sure to verify. We have a pretty close relationship. We spend much of our time together doing different family activities. The truth is, my kids would rather hang with mom and dad than to just hang with their friends. We often include their friends in our activities.

  I believe we're raising our kids in the most responsible manner possible. The kids just don't have the time or oppertunity to be screwing around.

  TR

  The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
  —Edmund Burke
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  SixofNine

  So TR, you disagree with this statement "it is very, very natural"?

  Kids aren't eqipped to deal with all the intricacies of sexual relationships and their aftermath

  I'm curious as to when you think they will suddenly become so equipped? On their 18th birthday?

  BTW, I'm not here advocating teen sex. I am advocating realism. Not just about the fact that many teens have sex, but also about the fact that the "intricacies and aftermaths" of sex are not what we, or at least I, believed them to be all my life, especially growing up in a fundamentalist sect. In other words, the "intricacies and aftermaths" of sexual relationships, imo, can and should be mitigated, for physical and mental health of both participants. And that is true whether you are 17 or 27 or 37.

  I will say this TR, your level of involvement with you kids is commendable, and if anything will prevent them from having sex, your actions will. It's a great thing you and your wife are doing for them, giving them, in teaching them to be so involved with life. Still, if one of them prioritizes the good feelings of sex, or maybe the romanticized notion of sex as a relationship builder, over your idea of what is important for them, I hope you won't take it too personally. They are after all, just kids.