Should I go to non-JW cousins wedding?

by sass_my_frass 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • sass_my_frass
    sass_my_frass

    ... My current dilemma. This week I got in the mail two birthday cards from non-JW aunt and grandma who are apparently delighted that there's a niece and granddaughter out there to whom they can send birthday cards.

    Also got an invite to my cousins wedding. This is in Perth, a six-hour flight away. We were only just there and only intend to go once a year, and only for as long as my grands are still with us. Here are my reasons to:

    GO:
    - these are the only family I have left, I want to make a big deal about them at every opportunity I get
    - I do like to spend time with my grands
    - last opportunity to see any JW siblings and their children before somebodys funeral (it will be the last wedding in the family I'll ever get an invite to) and so it's the only real chance I'll ever have to get through to them. Not that I care very much any more.
    - I do kind of like the idea of beating the JWs at their whitewash game. They've pretended to the rest of the family that it's me who rejected them. They'll find that argument hard to defend if they won't even eat a meal in the same backyard as me.

    DON'T GO:
    - JW family will be there - it will be awkward at best, and very stressful and depressing at worst
    - The groom (my cousin) knows a bit of the story and he might pick up on the deadly vibe I'll be getting from them, or he might not. His bride will have just delivered their second baby weeks prior and they'll have a houseful of drunks (the reception will be the old bogan pissup in the backyard (the brides words))
    - it's only a few weeks before exams and it's already a horrid term
    - sending them the cost of our airfare will probably double their annual income
    - the best reasons I have to go aren't really the reasons you go to a wedding - to wish the couple every happiness. I think I'll only be bringing a big awkward baby elephant that everybody has to ignore.

    Thoughts? Opinoins?

  • Junction-Guy
    Junction-Guy

    Definitely go, make your JW relatives squirm it out, dont let them get to you.

  • Gopher
    Gopher

    The points on the "GO" side sound stronger to me.

  • talley
    talley

    Yep, points on the go side are overwhelming.

    Far better to visit with those you wish to, as the occasions arise, while they are still alive and then pass on the funerals.

    Long story short that is not relevant here, but, spent two weeks with my Dad, then he died unexpectedly three months later. All contingencies added up to my not going to his funeral. I knew in my heart it was correct not to attend his funeral; and that was confirmed by several of his sisters and brothers the following year at the family reunion - they had understood why I was not there.

    Big lesson learned for me - do it while they (the grannies) are alive, while they can appreciate and enjoy the visit with you.

  • erandir
    erandir

    To go is obviously what you should do, imho.

  • Dragonlady76
    Dragonlady76

    I would go if I were you, the dubs are the only ones that should be ashamed, their behavior will only bring shame upon them not you, and most people can see it for what it really is.

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    I would discount the JW relatives reason. That leaves making a big deal of family and seeing the grands against
    exams and the cost of airfare. I think they would rather have you than the money, but you would know better.

    It seems to weigh heavily on going. You can study for exams on the trip and while there. Still, if you think
    highly of your reasons not to go, it still seems like a tie. Ties are decided by gut, but usually by sentiment.
    Sentiment says be there for family. Tough call.

  • Hortensia
    Hortensia

    the wedding doesn't sound like any fun at all. The only ones you really want to see are the grandparents. Send a lavish gift, say you're sorry you'll miss the pissup, take your exams, then go see the grandparents or send the grandparents tickets so they can visit you.

  • AGuest
    AGuest

    May you have peace!

    Here's the real question: what do you WANT to do?

    If you truly want to go, go, and do not worry about any others. Insteaqd, go and let your "light" (i.e., love) shine on your loved ones...and overshadow their "darkness" (i.e., lack of love).

    If you truly DON'T want to go, then don't go. For your going would be deceitful, out of "duty" and/or a desire to show your JW relatives up, versus love for those who invited you.

    Examine your motive... meaning, what is TRUE vs. what is RIGHT... make your decision... and then go with that decision. Whichever direction.

    Again, I bid you peace.

    Your servant and a slave of Christ,

    SA

  • ex-nj-jw
    ex-nj-jw

    I don't see any reason not to go, why give the JW's what they want? If you can afford the air fare and travel cost without any burden on your family, then just your presence at their wedding will be appreciated by your cousin and his wife.

    Don't even let the JW family have a say in your decision to go or not to go. Have fun and let them be the one's to feel out of place. Don't let them make YOU feel uncomfortable, go see you family and have a great time! It's got to be better than any boring JW wedding, you may just have some fun!

    nj

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