Just got off the phone with my mom and I feel weak from the emotions. (page 2)

sspo

You have a wonderful husbands and kids. Enjoy them and forget your mother, it is her loss. Show mercy toward her because she's brainwashed by the

"truth"

Eventually she will come around.

kw, I'm so sorry you are going through the painful process of losing connection w/your mom. I went through the loss of my entire extended family, parents, siblings, and ILs, over the last year due to leaving JWs. There is some great advice here, but let me say that the thing that helped me the most was remembering what my therapist helped me understand. It is really quite simple, but quite profound. Stop worrying about everyone else, let go. You only need to take care of you and your children. Everyone else can take care of themselves, they are responsible for their own choices. They alone will have to deal with the reprecussions of their choices. You only have so much energy and why waste it on something you can't change. Instead of sending all this energy into something negative, redirect it into something positive. That is, in making your relationship stronger with those whom you love and those who love you. My children are my #1 priority and I am teaching them how to be good citizens of this planet, how to live a full life, and how to appreciate the beauty that surrounds us everyday.

Stop and think about what I've said and how much energy you are giving away, how much power you are willingly handing over to someone who is manipulating your emotions. Do you want to look back on your children's early years and remember a blur of pain? Wouldn't you rather have positive feelings radiating from this preciously short period? Take back your power, give yourself permission to tell your mom that are who you are and that she can either accept that or move on. You will need time to grieve this loss. I did, it took many months to get where I'm at. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. The pain will wear away and will be replaced with the happiness of knowing you are living a genuine life and giving your children the very best life you can.

I wish you the best.

Sarah Smiles

My mother was not the I love you type of person. Years after, I was DFD I had a good friend that told me God loved me! I did not believe her.

Anyhow, I guess that is who I think loves me!

You probably will see some of my comments that says God loves you! Well that is why. I do not remember the J.W. teaching that concept of an individual love. Only what love is!

Now I say, "God Loves You and your wonderful family!

Mrs Smith

I'm so happy that you have broken the cycle of abuse with your kids. You sound like a great mom.

OnTheWayOut

Your mother is literally fighting with cult training. Try to remember that. She wants
to communicate with you, but was trained that it is wrong. As far as showing and
saying that she loves you, it might be partly from cult training, but is probably from
her own inability to demonstrate love. Try to accept what she gives you now.
She will possibly be able to tell you how she feels when her own mortality catches
up to her. Your patience will be remembered. She might just be in agony knowing
she doesn't deserve such a wonderful daughter, as mentioned earlier here.

My JW mother recently had to deal with my decision not to attend the DC this year.
She looked for a reason to not have to shun me. That demonstrated to me that
she cares for me, but has to fight cult training. She, generally is able to think for
herself, but allows the WTS to decide deep concepts for her. Later, she blocked
all memory of our conversation about the DC from another conversation. I am
confused where she is at, but happy that she doesn't need to shun me.

flipper

Kitten Whiskers- Mr. Flipper here. When I read your thread it really hit home. I was raised a witness, have been out 4 years. My parents have been in it for 55 years and even though I left the org. my 80 year old mom still says I love you, when we finish talking on the phone. But my dad, an elder was raised in the John Wayne world war 2 veteran style he-man generation never says that to me he being 82, me 48. Even though I'm a man it still hurts that he won't say the words. I've learned to accept it's a childhood thing he went through or something and try not to take it personal. My mom more than makes up for his lack of emotional skills.

But , I can assure you this when I had kids, all now 22, 20 and 19, I promised myself I would always tell them I love them, no matter what. Kids need to hear the words, makes them feel so much better and you as a parent. Natural affection is so much lacking these days, our kids need that from us. Peace to you my friend, been there done that, hang in there, peace out, Mr. Flipper

LoverOfTruth

Sometimes I think, "Wouldn't it be Wonderful If I could trade my JW Son Who Shuns me for an Ex-JW who's mother Shuns Him?"

Sadly life isn't always that easy. You have a huge support group out here. You have lots of Moms out here to Love you.

mcsemike

Anyone who could shun their family (blood, in-laws, or adopted) just because the WT said so is mentally deranged. My STBX wife told me "you know what you have to do" if I want my daughter to speak to me again. I told her she knew what she had to do if she wanted me to ever help her again and also NOT to publish my book with all the sordid details in it. She'll be the object of more media investigation than she can ever imagine. I'm done playing nice with these lunatics.

My advice to anyone who faces this sub-human treatment is to see a therapist. Many need therapy and/or medication. (I only have a BA, so please don't ask me for medication advice. I'm not an MD.)

I know in my heart that the WT will burn in Hell (poetically) for what they've done. I asked my wife if Jesus would treat family like this just because they couldn't understand something and asked the elders to explain the contradictions just once too often and were DF'd for doing so. She didn't care. I told her she was NOT a Christian and I stood a better chance of pleasing God even though I'm a militant agnostic and will never believe in any god again. She blew it off. So be it.

TO THE WT: YOU ARE GOING DOWN IN FLAMES AND NOTHING YOU DO WILL SAVE YOU. IF GOD EXISTS, HE IS NOT USING YOU. IF HE DOES APPROVE OF YOU, THEN GOD IS SICK AND I'M RIGHT TO NOT BELIEVE. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THIS, DO SOMETHING. OR DO YOU ONLY ATTACK THE WEAK AND HELPLESS CHILDREN?? WHAT BRAVE LITTLE MEN YOU ARE!!!

Jesus warned about these weasels. "Let them be. Blind guides." I'm just waiting until they fall into that pit. Maybe I need to push them in. Happy to help.

Sassy

kitten.. I have a question.. do you ever tell her you love her, is she silent after you tell her?? I think the fact that she stopped the shun and will talk to you now does show she does love you in a round about way..

My dad and I never said we loved each other for many years.. he wasn't raised to talk such things..

a few years back I started saying I love you when I would talk to him on the phone.. at first there was a silence.. then he would stay he loved me too.. I always intiated it though... but I'm glad I did.. overtime it goe easier and now that he has died this past May, I'm glad I said those words.. (he was never a witness.. only my mother was though)

sass_my_frass

You know I'm starting to think that the other thing that everybody on this website has in common is a crazy mum. I guess that every one of them 'sacrificed everything' for us. I suppose that, prior to getting pregnant, nobody tells a young woman that that's what you're about to do, or in hospital when the baby is born no nurse just quietly says 'make the most of the next 15 years but don't put everything into them because after that they'll be adults too, and they will want to live their own lives'. Sorry I have digressed; I'm just curious about what it is that makes our mums particularly unstable. My mum did nothing with her life but raise us and she even made a lot of that the congregations problem. Now that we're all grown up and moved out, she doesn't know what to do with the rest of her life.

Just got off the phone with my mom and I feel weak from the emotions.