Suddenly and inexplicably enraged

by katiekitten 27 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  purplesofa

  wow, I am trying to wrap my head around the cloth toys with beans in them.

  I had little stuffed toys like that when I was a kid, but to think of splitting them open for food never once was a thought.

  Many years ago, where I live, there was some guy that predicted an earthquake on a certain date. You could not buy batteries, ducktape, water, etc etc etc, canned goods. No earthquake ever came.

  If anyone believes that the witnesses are the only ones that make survival kits and relay that information to the public is nuts.

  I hate to even say this, but becuase my daughter is preg right now, and she is moving out one day, and coming back the next, moving out and an hour later, sitting on the sofa with the remote flipping through the channels, .......she is weepy. And my daughter hardly ever cries.

  I tell her what she is thinking and feeling is real, but some of her responses are getting funny

  KK, I hate that you grew up hearing such horror stories. Although my mom was abusive, I never felt or knew about such cruelity in the ourstide world.

  purps
• 

  Gretchen956

  OMG this is so true, I never thought about it that way. I know I was brought up on fear "don't be bad because Jehovah will get you", but I had forgotten the persecution diet. Constant. We prayed daily for those brothers and sisters in Malawi, read fervently the concentration camp stories and persecution under communist countries and others. I think that is why I reacted so strongly when I heard the truth about Malawi.

  Bastards.

  Sherry
• 

  katiekitten

  thank you everyone for such kind words.

  Its funny isnt it, what gets to you.

  My mum said "I thought you were all over this", and I shouted "SO DID I"!!!

  My daughter said "OK, can we change channels now?" (out of the mouth of babes...)
• 

  Pubsinger

  Hi Katie

  Is your mum still a JW?

  Did you get to Iceland (everyone else just talk amongst yourselves!)
• 

  Sunspot

  The year book was always full of stories about bycicle spokes being pushed through brothers legs and their toe nails being pulled off with plyers, and the implication was that as gods people we would definately be targetted for this kind of thing.

  {{{{{KatieKitten}}}}}

  I can SO relate to this feeling of dread, because I was an adult when I became a JW and I was absolutely terrified of these things I read, too! I remember the accounts in Malawi (talks or printed articles--I don't recall which) where the "brothers" were tied to giant ant hills and others were fed laxatives chained together and whipped, then being made to walk up and down the village streets for not renouncing their WTS faith. There were many more of these horror stories floating around for years, and I lived in total and complete dread of this all happening HERE as well.

  Now, I really have to wonder where the JOY came in BEING one of Jehovah's Witnesses after being subjected to these stories, and where the joy in CHRIST was ever talked about, or preached, in any Kingdom Hall? We always seemed to focus on the negative, and DOING MORE in the ministry (FOR the WTS) while always putting everything we would like ot enjoy doing----"on hold" for the New Order, etc, etc.

  The only "joy" was starting a bible study.....and that was that! JWs have spent (and wasted) their entire lives while putting things on hold, planning and worrying about their impending survival while in THIS system and hoping to get into the new one.

  What a hideous waste.

  I do understand the sudden and unexpected meltdown that is triggered by days spent in this horrid "religion" I had one myself a couple of months ago in a public place. (I spoke about it here in a thread I started.)

  So dear Katie, just try and put it behind you with the solid knowledge in your heart that this WAS a nightmare that we all shared and that it IS over! We are FREE of this despicable cult and its influence in our lives!

  hugs,

  Annie
• 

  KW13

  I had some similar experiences of being brought up in a climate of fear, as a kid i was terrified about the end and the endless what ifs and ifs...terrible what it does to the mind isnt it? At least your a good mum
• 

  observador

  ((((katie))))
  
  It's a normal human emotion. I too feel angry sometimes.
  
  Again ((((katie)))).
  
  Observador.
• 

  JWdaughter

  Katie, I am 41 now and totally remember Malawi. I remember 'persecution'-as a child I was kind of confused and thought they would 'persecute' trespassers. . .I had nightmares until my early 30's about concentration camps. As a child I was fascinated with WW2 stories of Jews and others persecuted under Hitler. I figured I needed to know some practical skills to get through it. My mom didn't do the survivalist thing, I just lived in fear without even the bean stuffed dolls for backup! I am NEVER going to do that to a child of mine.

  I am sorry you had a rough time of it. Actually, it was soon after I started going on JW/exJW boards about 10 years ago(remember AOL?) that the nightmares finally ended. I finally talked it out. I think that those boards helped keep me sane, and this one has brought me to a place where I could live without it all now. I just like you all so much, I don't WANT to leave. I hope your mom was paying attention to what you were saying. I hope it makes her think.
• 

  Gill

  Anger is a normal emotion after having an abusive Jehovah's Witness upbringing, even with the best of JW parents.

  I recently had the opportunity to give my own parents another ear bashing on this issue. All I can say is their distress at me giving them an ear bashing is absolutely nothing compared to the distress I suffered as a child being a JW and listening to and believing all that crap!!

  Get as angry as you need to! If you don't wake your mother up, then no one else will. If my parents choose to continue to sleep walk to their own eventual and inevitable deaths as JWs in the future it won't be because I didn't try to 'knock' some sense into the silly old fools!!

  Every time I discuss anything WT related with them I see RED! I see RED because I realise I have their foolish genes in my body and that makes me potentially as stupid as them......and believe me I WAS a believing JW and never even allowed my own real doubts to surface!

  As time goes on, and the Watchtower Scam and control of your relatives continues, anger is the only real emotion that helps you to get up, say what you've got to say and then move on!
• 

  katiekitten

  As a child I was fascinated with WW2 stories of Jews and others persecuted under Hitler. I figured I needed to know some practical skills to get through it.

  Me too!

  I just lived in fear without even the bean stuffed dolls for backup!

  Now THAT is really cruel. At least I had my stuffed frog.

  I am NEVER going to do that to a child of mine.

  I agree. It really sinks in what a lousy trick it was once you have had kids of your own and then you cant even think of putting them through it.

  Pubsinger: No mums not a Witless anymore, but annoyingly shes morphed into something worse - someone who still believes in Jehovah and Armageddon and all that stuff without being a JW. This means she 'interprets' the bible on based on her 'own reading' of the bible, which amazingly is exactly the same as the JW interpretation.

  Yes I went to Iceland. What can I say? Dont go back packing round Iceland when you are 6 months pregnant, is possibly the best lesson learned! It was an interesting expericence though, that pushed me right out of my comfort zone!