..... for the first time I can remember doing. I posted in "My Story" that my dad had never hugged me. When I really thought about it I decided it was time to do something about that.
We went for supper at my parents tonight. I saw alot of my dad in me before I "woke up". Now I know where I get my passive aggressiveness from, and I had to choke back tears. It was an emotional evening. I had to hold back all the feelings that were going through me, it just wasn't the right time to let them all out. Tonite brought me back to my childhood memories and feelings. Feelings of never being good enough, them never being proud of me or my accomplishments. I felt fear too, fear that one day, when they really realize how I feel about "the truth" that they won't talk to me again, even though our relationship is f$&ked up!
I have so much I want and need to tell them, it's just where and how do I start? It's hard to express feelings to them, they just don't seem to understand what "feelings" are.
So, back to the hug - my father usually only offers a handshake. Tonite I decided to just give him a hug instead. It wasn't a warm hug, but it was a start, it was all he was capable of right now. Each time I go and visit now, I'm going to hug him, maybe I can break through the "wall of ice", melt his heart abit with each hug.
Parents - go and hug your kids right now!
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