Reinstatement process...

by MrsF 11 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  MrsF

  Hello, Im just gonna jump in here. I was raised JW. Was being crushed under the weight of the expectations and at 20, after moving to a new city (boy do I wish I hadnt trasferred to a new cong) I quit attending. My sister was all torn up about my "fornication" so she asked me to turn myself in. I did and told them I had no desire to meet. The end.

  My mom and one sister kept seeing/talking to me for the past 8 years. One day I forgot to take of the cross my DH had given me for xmas - they decided they had to cut me off. I miss my sister soooo much, my son was so attached to her and his cousins.
  
  I sometimes wonder about going thru reinstatement and then handling my fade away more tactfully. How hard is it, does it take a lot of time, do I have to attend EVERY meeting? My mom and sister are so pained by what the THINK they have to do and I know that if I werent officially DF they would come back into my life.

  Thoughts?
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  Chameleon

  i think it depends on the elders.

  i'm sure others will have more advice.

  welcome.
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  LoverOfTruth

  I suggest you Follow Your Heart. You must do what's best for your situation.
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  Sarah Smiles

  Its easier to get reinstated with out people knowing you so your move was a good one. Only your original elders need to know why you got dfd and the new elder will they do not need to go over you dfding. Anyhow, the new elders will send the original elders letters if they feel like you ready for reinstatement.

  It is a tough process! but it would probably take you a year. And they would like you to attend every meeting. People can be very cold!

  So far it does not really matter. And as far as my relatives well they grew up and no longer attend! Your nephew in a couple of years might not even be a J.W. because it is very hard on young men.
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  JWdaughter

  I was disassociated for disagreeing when I was 15 (such a geek, I should have done something a little wicked being a teenager, but I just hung around with a bunch of mormon kids)

  I was re-instate at 19 after just a few months of attending a new congregation in a different state. I really think it wasn't even three months. I wrote a suck up letter and was 'in' in no time. I think my old elders felt like I came to my senses.

  In any case, attending the new cong. I was fairly regular, but not EVERY meeting. I was a nanny and had limited time/transportation, and they understood. You are a wife and mom married to an unbeliever. I think you could miss quite a few meetings if you had a good excuse.

  In any case, soon thereafter, I discovered sex, got guilty, became born again Xian and went out of the cong. in a blaze of glory. I wrote letters to everyone in my new cong. and no one asked for a JC. I am assuming I was once again DA'd(Still never baptised). Since I have never been informed, I guess I could go back without telling them my sordid (:)) past, but I have no inclinations to do so.

  I don't even think my mom believes most of it, she just thinks they are the lesser of the evils of christendom (they really do a number on folks with that one.)

  I adore my little sister, so I can understand your sense of loss here.

  Since you now understand the importance of the graceful fade, I encourage you to do what you must for your family, if your husband and kids are willing to go along and they understand your motivations (well at least your hubby). Holidays, certain activities etc., will need to be curtailed. Is he willing to go along with it? Your first obligation is to him and your children. Best wishes!

  Oh, and WELCOME to the board:) We are glad to have you here.
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  sammielee24

  The big issue with reinstatement is that one can't forget the harsh, unyielding, unforgiving treatment and total lack of love for you as a family member that they have shown.

  Brain washed or not - they cut a person off and choose a publishing company for their companionship, affection, loyalty and support. They chose to forgo a relationship with a blood relative and this means they will do it again in a heartbeat if told they should. Blood relationships mean nothing to them.

  One must ask themself if they wish to engage in a relationship that is based on conditions and not on love, loyalty or friendship. If you were married to a mate who wanted to stay with you on a few conditions including the right to beat you daily, would you stay? If a child said they would allow you in their life on condition that you paid them a thousand bucks a month for the next five years, would you? Blackmail, emotional or otherwise, is just that. Shunning is akin to blackmail. sammieswife.
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  fedorE

  i was dfd for apostasy...and i went to get reinstated to make my son happy....but turns out im expected to go to every single meeting along with the bookstudy thats in the hall..well ..not gona happen..so i stopped goin ...to much work even for my son.
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  changeling

  Contact the body of elders that DF'd you and ask them.

  Do what you have to do to be happy.

  changeling
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  Warlock

  I had a close friend reinstated a while ago. He was out for decades. It took one year.

  My question was always why did it take so long. It was rather obvious he was repentant, and there were extenuating circumstances in his life that made his disfellowshipping especially cruel, but he's happy now.

  Yes, he had to be at every meeting, or have a reason as to why he wasn't going to be there.

  Warlock
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  WTWizard

  It is probably not worth the trouble. I have seen a family where an uncle was disfellowshipped for adultery, and of course they shunned the uncle. Then he got reinstated, and some time later became inactive. The relatives would be cold toward him (they were HARD core Witlesses). That continued until the uncle started going back to all the meetings and became regular in service again.

  This might not happen in every case. However, it is fairly common when someone gets reinstated and then fades for the sake of family for the family to shun them anyways. That is because they will be hounded by Brother Hounder to mark you as bad association once you fade, especially if you have recently been reinstated. About the only way to guarantee getting your family back would be to get reinstated (and that is going to take needlessly long--remember Peter denied Jesus three times, and had major assignments only six weeks later!) And then you will have to stay active and in good standing, or else you will likely be marked as bad associations.

  Or, perhaps you can get your family to turn apostate. Do that, and you will not have to go through the process of going back. Nor will you have to stay active and in "good standing". Heck, you might even be able to enjoy a Christmas party together if you are successful in getting some or all of them to go apostate! As a bonus, there will be that many fewer publishers toward their making their magic 7 million by the end of the service year.