Learning About Self

R.F.

I must say that I haven't had an internal struggle with myself before as i've had in recent months. I'm learning so much about myself....about the kind of person I truly am, more about my flaws, my weaknesses, my strengths, the person I want to be, etc.

I'm learning more and more about having a more realistic view of dealing with life. When I think back, the JW lifestyle put me on a "mental autopilot" if I might say. All I needed to do was be obedient and I would be fine. Now i'm seeing the folly of such a lifestyle since I see that it leads to nothing but emotional hindrance. I'm feeling now like a child that's just growing up in a sense. The JW belief of, "don't worry...everything you have problems with will be erased VERY SOON" approach hasn't done me any good. It's no easy thing in any way for a person's belief system to change. Really, most of my life's aspirations have changed with me not having almost any of the goals now that i've had months ago.

It's been difficult, but all of this has done me good. As i've said already, i've learned so much about myself recently than I have ever in life, and I just anticipate how much better of a person i'll be in upcoming times.

Thanks for reading.

R.F.

RAF

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Terry

I'm learning more and more about having a more realistic view of dealing with life. When I think back, the JW lifestyle put me on a "mental autopilot" if I might say. All I needed to do was be obedient and I would be fine. Now i'm seeing the folly of such a lifestyle since I see that it leads to nothing but emotional hindrance. I'm feeling now like a child that's just growing up in a sense. The JW belief of, "don't worry...everything you have problems with will be erased VERY SOON" approach hasn't done me any good. It's no easy thing in any way for a person's belief system to change. Really, most of my life's aspirations have changed with me not having almost any of the goals now that i've had months ago.

I congratulate you!

You've actually done the hardest thing that it is humanly possible to do. You've stepped back and looked at yourself honestly in order to make a positive change.

Change is a fearful state! It takes courage, fortitude and personal integrity. It also takes intellectual honesty.

You should be very, very proud of yourself for even asking those questions.

You have a mind of your own. Your life belongs to you and you alone. Allowing any "others" to direct your life is to give up what is unique to you alone.

There has never been and never will be again another person who is exactly the same as YOU.

That means there are things you can say and do which are entirely and solely YOURS alone. These could be the most important things in life if you decide it.

Your job is BECOMING who you really are. All you need is confidence and a set of mind tools that won't allow you to fall into an easy state of auto-pilot.

I wish you the very best on your life journey. You are a helluva fine example for the rest of us!

snowbird

I hear you, Little Brother. I'm old enough to be your mama and I feel the same way.

The WTS reminds me so much of the plantation owners I used to know who used fear and intimidation to keep their tenants tied to the sharecropping way of life.

They used any means at their disposal to discourage education because they realized that knowledge is power. They pulled out all stops to encourage early marriages and large families in order to cement their hold on their tenants. Anyone who dared to show an inclination to pull away from the pack was viewed with suspicion. All were expected to look to the landowner to supply their every need. There was no room for individual growth, initiative, or enterprise. I hated that way of life!

I think that is why the JW lifestyle had such an appeal for me. It was supposed to offer a solution for whatever problem I encountered. But, alas, I simply traded one form of oppression for another. Isn't that ironic? However, it is never too late to make amends. We're all on a journey of self-discovery and affirmation here. It's so good that you realize the need to discover who you really are while you're still in the springtime of your life. Peace and love,

Snowbird

the dreamer dreaming

one of the first things I noticed post BORG was that they manipulate people by the time tested divide and conquer-- by getting you to have an internal war with yourself rather than understand the various desires and come to some sort of truce. By making any internal desire "evil" because it does not live up to some fantasy ideal, the only option you are given it is to fight it... making peace with EVIL is considered treason, colusion with the enemy... so you find as paul described a WAR between flesh [your real desires] and spirit [latin for hot air].

and because the desires of the flesh are classified as wicked, you are never permitted to see them as normal and natural, just sometimes inappropriate for the circumstance...which acquiring skills can easily remedy.

R.F.

You have a mind of your own. Your life belongs to you and you alone. Allowing any "others" to direct your life is to give up what is unique to you alone.

The bolded part is something that had to be the absolute hardest part of it all. It can be all too easy to just sit back and be told what to do. I had to think about this alot when it came to all levels of influence past the organization.

And that's an interesting way of describing things snowbird.

collegegirl21

I think that's amazing that you can do this RF. As you know with me, I'm afraid of change and I'm afraid of pushing myself to get to the point where you are, but I am amazed at how much you have grown. Its definitely something I wish I could do.

~CG21

PS - No texts from you yesterday, I missed you!

DJK

I must say that I haven't had an internal struggle with myself before as i've had in recent months. I'm learning so much about myself....about the kind of person I truly am, more about my flaws, my weaknesses, my strengths, the person I want to be, etc.

I can relate to what you think and feel. I've been struggling with it for nearly a year now. I have often asked myself, "Who am I, what am I"? Some answers like, I'm a husband and a father come easy. Others like, I'm weird, radical and alone in the way I think, are harder to accept.

I have learned to accept them and use them to my advantage. I write about the weird, radical, loneliness and pain in my life. It helps in many ways. To accentuate my weirdness, I wrote (this is just one line) this recently. Weird, yes, but I'm good with it because "I" understand it. That's all that counts. Hell, no one knew or understood who Picasso was until he was dead.

Who am I? Passion. Absent and excessive, nothing in between. Passion, that's who I am!

DJK

tinker

Good For You, RF ! I do relate to your struggle, the Good Struggle to learn about your self. As JW's we were told to mindlessly obey and all would be well....Well, we found out, didn't we, all is Not well. Life is not stagnate, everyday we face change. For myself, I never developed or learned to accept that I would grow old or that my loved ones would grow old and die....Ha, guess what, I'm now eligible for AARP benefits and my mother needs full time nursing care. She raised me to believe she would never die, I am unprepared to care for her.

I've learned that Change happens everyday and we must learn to adjust and grow with it. I came upon this quote a few days ago that is now prominently displayed on my refrigerator. Prehaps you will enjoy it too.

"In spite of illness, in spite even of the archenemy sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways" Edith Wharton, A Backward Glance

ex-nj-jw

Good for you RF! I think it takes courage to move on from a JW lifestyle and you are showing that it can be done. Be glad that you are still young and have time to grow and enjoy your life!

nj

Learning About Self

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