I was laying in bed and trying to drift off to sleep. All of a sudden I had a vision of my father building our dining room table. We moved when I was four and this was at our old house so I must have been pretty young. His motorcycle was sitting in the front yard along with knotty wood that dad was sanding and staining and putting together to make the Large dining table my mom had always wanted for entertaining and couldn't afford. I just burst out crying. I miss him so much.
We lived in a camper when I was 14 for a year. My mother was menopausal (she is a bitch to begin with imagine that PLUS menopause) at the time and Dad was all I had. I contemplated suicide many times in life, but the thoughts of letting my father down were too much. My dad and my friends were what got me through those tough teen years.
Now, I have nothing in the way of a father. He won't speak to me. He would rather shun me and leave his only daughter behind. How could someone do that? It seem so incomprehensible to me. I know, they think not speaking to me shows their love and I know it is their jacked up religion. I just want to know when it will stop sneaking up on me like that. I had been happy for months. Dealing with it. THen suddenly no more.
I keep thinking this bad feeling I have along with memories of him may mean something bad has happened to him. Then I think, maybe this is just what a broken heart feels like.