Every so often, say once or twice a year, my wife gets kind of down.
She goes through a period of inactivity in her jw duties. It usually has to do with field service. She hates field service. She is pretty good about going to the meetings even when she is down.
My question though, is how to handle these times?
The first time I got all excited because I thought she was ready to leave! I started pushing in that direction. She immediately withdrew from the conversation and began a six month jw marathon of zealotry. Which is fine, but it wasn't what I had in mind at the time.
The last few times I tried to talk to her about "shoulds". SHoulds are a horrible motivator. When we whip ourselves with shoulds, we just bring ourselves down, which makes us less likely to be motivated to act in the way that we want. I try to tell her not to feel bad, this is a temporary condition, and she should not beat herself up.
She usually then goes into a thing about how we need to feel bad when we aren't doing what we should... if she didn't feel bad then why would she change.
Then the kids start fighting, or someone starts crying, or someone wants something, or there is something spilled on the carpet... then she cuts off the conversation with a "I'm fine don't worry about it." Then I just spend the rest of the night hugging her and distracting her... trying not to soothe... but also trying not to seem like a bad influence.
I just think there is a better way for me to handle these times. What is the right thing to say to a jw when they are like this. Ultimately I hope she would see that her religion has made faith a BURDEN. At a minimum I would like her to accept that she will go through these times, and not fear that such times will lead to spiritual free fall... and not to loathe herself so much for experiencing these times.
Thoughts?