The meeting tonight was UNBEARABLE

by Orgull 53 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Orgull

  I had my TMS tonight. For those who don't know me, I no longer believe, but have only just begun my slow fade.

  The meeting was unbearable. First there was the brother who happily pointed out that I'd missed two meetings recently and that he was keeping track. Brotherly love in action. Then there was the brother who is going away and asked me to water his plants while he's gone. No problem. Oh wait, this is the same brother who's known me and been with me in the same hall for thirty years, but who's only invited me over to his home for a meal... ONCE. And that only after I helped him with an electrical installation he could have handled himself.

  So I'm waiting for the meeting to start and I get handed a talk slip. Shudder. Of course I get the second worst possible topic, "You can find joy in doing more in the field ministry." The worst would have been, "If you have doubts, SUPRISE! You're an apostate and will be disfellowshipped." But I digress. So I went to the TMS Overseer and said I couldn't do that talk. He switched me to a nice, harmless talk about defending our blood beliefs. Whee! What a guy.

  The meeting started and the B.S. started avalanching in. With my eyes opened, I saw that nearly every scripture was ripped out of it's context and forced to fit with the "Bible based publications" of the WTS. The two times a brother referred to "the Bible says" but then read from The Watchtower really touched my heart. The part about how we don't give enough financially was especially stimulating, and followed by that loving part on how old, sick and depressed people can auxilliary pioneer too if they just pray hard enough, well I was down for the count.

  The urge to get up and say, "You're all 'effing' morons!" and then walk out was tremendous.

  Sigh. This fade is going to be the death of me.
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  stillajwexelder

  try going to the meetings with your bullshit deflectors on full
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  R.F.

  First there was the brother who happily pointed out that I'd missed two meetings recently and that he was keeping track. Brotherly love in action.

  One elder had the same attitude when I had a meeting with a couple of them. He pointed out that I seemed to be "slacking off" in commenting at the Watchtower study for a while and with me being a Ministerial Servant I had begun to become less of an example for others.

  I sure wish I wouldv'e had the courage to tell them I couldn't do certain talks.

  Also, i'm not sure you're full circumstances, but keep with the fade. You can do it!

  R.F.
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  SirNose586

  I hear ya bro...sometimes those meetings are hard to sit through. What a great brother, the first one, to keep track of not being at meetings. I'm sure you can read him a nice little scripture about minding one's own gawddang business... And the second one? I hope you turned him down. Part of fading away means learning to say no--which is hard for me, and I'm sure someone like yourself who is happy to help others. I was once given a talk about how "Violent Videogames Are Not for Christians" after I'd been ratted out for playing Halo. It was a great slap in the face. And it makes you really envious of all the other churchgoers who can just show up and listen... Freudian slip for that guy who quoted the Wacktower. It is their bible, so in a way, he wasn't lying... Keep not fitting in. There are people who try to fit in and then fail, and there are those who no one wants to deal with. Make people uncomfortable, but do not offend. Sooner or later you will be pushed to the social fringes, and from there, you can drop off the map. If you fade away as their darling, they will all wonder, "Where did he go?"
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  sweetstuff

  Hugs! Wish you all the best in your fade. Wow that sounded like a weird hallmark card.
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  choosing life

  I havwn't attended for some time, but the last few meetings I went to, I learned to be occupied with other thoughts. If nothing else, I would just read the Bible. I would look up the scripture they told me to and just keep reading. My husband actually got offended by this, so I had to pretend to pay attention too.

  There were those meetings that I wanted to scream and run out, but you have to learn to tune out. Make lists, study other people, anything to occupy the mind.

  Sounds like you may be ready to take your fade a step further, if possible?
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  Highlander

  First there was the brother who happily pointed out that I'd missed two meetings recently and that he was keeping track.

  I have an aunt, that has been known to keep track of everyone's attendence and then contact them on the phone to 'encourage' them and find out why they have been missing.

  In a congregation exceeding 100 publishers, I can imagine that it would take considerable time for my aunt to figure out who is missing. Shouldn't these nosy j-dubs be giving their full attention to the craptower and the puke talk?
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  changeling

  Thanks for reminding me of why I no longer go to meetings!

  changeling
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  Hermano

  Great post Orgull. Reminds me of when I started my fade. So glad I am no longer there.

  Make people uncomfortable, but do not offend. Sooner or later you will be pushed to the social fringes, and from there, you can drop off the map. If you fade away as their darling, they will all wonder, "Where did he go?"

  That is some great advise SirNose. I wish I had that gold nugget when I started my fade.
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  sspo

  First there was the brother who happily pointed out that I'd missed two meetings recently and that he was keeping track.

  Can you just remind him to show you the scripture that says you have to be there for five meetings?

  Let us know the expression on his face?