by arker 48 Replies latest jw experiences
I was a jw, finally saw my chance and wrote a letter to the elders saying how bad I am and how I don't want to meet to discuss it and to df me if you want. That was the end of it for me. My question is if you know you are "fading" you are already gone so why not make the leap? Believe me I know it's hard but what is keeping you there? Every time you go sit for 2 hours of torture, why? What would give you the courage to take the leap? Why not just stop going with nothing said?
Just curious....
Many, many people here have families that are deep into this cult. It is the most unselfish thing they are doing to be able to sit through that shit. Many are Elders, MS, pioneers, blah, blah, blah. I know of several that are still active just to try to help others get the hell out.
Some things have happened in my life recently that have allowed me to virtually stop attending meetings and get away with it. Sure I get questioned ever now and then but I think the big interrogation is behind me.
I chose not to write a DA letter because of family ties. I'm not 100% sure how they would react if I DA'ed so i've held off on that.
Many here are holding on because of family ties and if they just stopped abruptly they may get a suspicious eye put on them.
R.F.
I completely understand the family ties thing. I was the first in my family to come out loudly and say "No More". My mom doesn't have anything to do with me, my step dad either. My sister is fading or faded depending on if mom is around, and my brother is out.
I personally came out loudly because I was tired of living a lie. Although my mom has nothing to do with me I am much happier because I don't have to pretend anymore. No more putting 10 hours of service down just to meet the national average, no more saying prayers while wondering what's for dinner or who I was talking to. No more acting, or pretending to be someone I'm not. If my family does not agree with me then thats their choice, and their time wasted worrying about me. I am happier now than I ever have been my entire life.
You and me both!
Hi arker and welcome. It comes down to exactly what you said - some people are willing to tolerate the agony of dragging things out and never being completely straight about what they believe. Others have to make the break. I don't think it's any easier to do one or the other.
Each one of us have different circumstances and reasons for doing what we do. What worked for you, might not work for someone else and vice versa. It's not up to any one of us to tell someone how to leave or when to leave, just be there for each other and help along the way in what ever way possible.
BB
It's not up to any one of us to tell someone how to leave or when to leave, just be there for each other and help along the way in what ever way possible.
Many, many people here have families that are deep into this cult. It is the most unselfish thing they are doing to be able to sit through that shit. Many are Elders, MS, pioneers, blah, blah, blah. I know of several that are still active just to try to help others get the hell out.
Another reason one might wish to fade instead of just up and leaving or disassociating is to waste their time and resources trying to track you. The up side is that they will waste more time hunting for the time slip (that isn't there) or put you on the Theocraptic Misery "School(??)" for a talk (that you are going to blow off). That wastes time for someone to scramble to fill in the missing assignment. This works better if you have a talkout and blow it off, because that's going to disrupt the whole meeting for that congregation.
Then there are the houndingshepherding calls. Each one of those wastes time to prepare the scriptures to take out of context without putting them in context, in order to hound the person to go back to the meetings. If they go that once or twice but then resume blowing them off, it makes extra work for the hounders. That way, some matter (like a legal issue about some pedophile) will not get addressed, and they might get busted for that.
Some have family ties. Break off too quickly, and you lose them. Others like to waste the hounders' time and energy playing the game. Still others would like to keep their hopes up, only to wait until the Christmas tree goes up and wait for them to catch them. And, there are the ones that are too much of a wuss to disassociate. Not that it's wrong--what is cowardly is continuing to go regularly and seeking "privileges" just because you don't want to make the effort to change. Those are the ones that stand to lose the most.
So, no matter if you are too much of a wuss to officially disassociate or get disfellowshipped, or if you feel like walking out and making a lot of noise on the way out, just remember to count the cost of each method and pick the one that gives you the best outcome. The shame is for the one that stays in even though they know it's wrong, and stays active and regular. No matter how you do it, slowly or all at once, it's best to just get the [a dirty word] out and stay out.
I walked away "cold turkey" at age 18, I really didn't care about how my family would treat me because at that point It really didn't matter. So I understand what you are saying.
But, you also have to respect and support how others choose to leave. For some loosing spouse and children is the worst thing that could happen and that's a lot to loose. They try to hang on long enough to help their spouse and children out.
nj
