Fading? What's up? (page 4)

manhasbecomelikeoneofus

snakes,

yes i am harsh and judgemental when there are children involved. if you are childless go at it! stay in as long as you like. worship the spagetti monster if you like! but if you have children, and dont even believe in that JW garbage, exposing them to that level of danger for a single day is inexcuseable.

Serg

ManHas..

I see your point. Thanks for your harsh critisizm. If it wasn't for your awesome advice I would have kept lying to my wife and kids and would have never been saved from ruin and unhappiness!

How truely great is the support you show to everyone here.

Kudos!

manhasbecomelikeoneofus

awesome! glad i could be of assistance!

White Dove

manhas,

Here is the thing: Wife would leave and take kids with her (courts still favor mom) and STILL BE IN THE CULT WITH SUPPORT OF THE ENTIRE CONGREGATION FOR HER MARTYRDOM. You would, however, be without friends, wife, children and other family or the satisfaction of spending your money on them as a family because of garnishments for allimony and child support. Money would just disappear without the joy of using it for your family. The wife would simply get your money and you would not get to spend it on them in gifts or anything else. Your letters would be returned and phonecalls slammed down in your ear. You would be totally alone without any support system in place and probably severly depressed and maybe suicidal because YOUR FAMILY was the light of your life and is now gone with the blessing of God. That is why some fade slowly, to help their families eventually see the REAL light of the truth about the Truth and keep their lives intact. It is just not smart to shock others with devistating news then get shocked yourself by your own loved ones. You must consider the fallout of your actions.

manhasbecomelikeoneofus

have things have changed since i escaped? the only grounds for divorce when i was in the cult was adultery. so unless someones been playing around (in which case alimony seems reasonable) the kids would only have the gift of a father who is honest and protective.

and in spite of the traditional mother-custody advantage, any lawyer worth their salt could easily prove a no blood transfusion, child molester apologist, cult member mother was less fit than the non-cult father.

it just sounds like a whole lotta fearful excuses while the kids are left victimized.

i know it is a terrifying concept to up and leave your entire support system. but it was not as bad as i, or apparently you, fear. and the advantages for those kids way out-weigh any temporary downside.

again, grow a pair!

arker

Adultry is the only grounds but as my father found out years ago the congregation will grab onto the "poor"wife and kids and then there will be an acusation that they slept around and the elders will tell her that she is free to remarry which my mom did, 2 more times. The second marriage he never went to meetings, just studied briefly. Then he all of a sudden started cheating on her. Maybe they told her if she held out he would go look somewhere else to satisfy his needs.

Open mind

Manhas,

You are giving out black and white advice reminiscent of a certain religion I once believed in.

I'll address a couple points you've made that White Dove didn't cover. BTW, White Dove, I think you did a good job overall of painting the big picture.

Adultery. Yes, you're technically correct up to a point. Some JW wives might stay in the marriage because of this. For those not willing to do that, the Borg will sanction a separation on the grounds of "serious spiritual endangerment". And a CofC reading spouse would definitely qualify as "serious spiritual endangerment". Separation. Divorce. Not a whole lot of difference from where I sit.

As for the whole child custody court case scenario, any "lawyer worth his salt" will tell you there's no such thing as an open-and-shut case. This site is full of stories of the Borg helping JW parents keep their kids away from non-believing mates in custody disputes. There's a pamphlet the Borg will send the JW parent explaining how to coach the kids to pretty much lie to the judge. If the non-JW parent is "making religion an issue" the Society will bring their considerable legal resources in to help the JW parent at least at a consulting level. I know. I've read the WT letters on specific cases with my own eyes.

Have you read these accounts before doling out your "grow a pair" wisdom? You do a disservice to others in dispensing such black-and-white cookie cutter advice. Hopefully those who read your words would pick up on that and not rush in before thoroughly thinking it through.

I admire your energy and conviction though. Glad your here. Your words, while harsh and judgemental IMO, still serve to make me (and perhaps others) look long and hard at our own situations and keep making progress towards getting our families out.

Peace and respect,

Open Mind

manhasbecomelikeoneofus

open mind,

this particular thread hit a nerve in me(obviously)!

and yes i was harsh and judgemental. i was never protected while in that cult.

my own experiences tainted my sympathy for faders with children. a single minute is too long for any child to be subjected to the cruelty of being raised a JW. danger lurks from both inside and outside the org. being made a target while others figure out how to remove themselves from a cult in which they no longer believe is an unaccepable risk to a child.

it is black and white.

protect your kids already. get them out of there. quickly.

peace and respect back at ya!

Open mind

manhas ( a pair, usually )

being made a target while others figure out how to remove themselves from a cult in which they no longer believe is an unaccepable risk to a child.

This is where you're not getting it. I'm not going to argue how much "damage" is being done to my kids. I don't know exactly and neither do you. But I don't have a magic button I can just push and "POOF" the kids are out and free. If I "grow a pair" as you advise, the kids will likely become the heroic martyrs of the congregation. I'll be the "Demonized Apostate Dad" they rarely see and who they really won't confide in because "Sky Daddy" is watching 24/7 and he's who really counts.

Maybe I missed where "growing a pair" guarantees my kid's exit from the JWs. Please enlighten me.

Open Mind

Cellist

Well, we call ourselves faders, but we didn't do the long slow fade. We simply quit. We did it the way we did because our source of income at the time was connected to JWs and also because of an elderly relative.

Cellist

Fading? What's up?

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