Is this abuser a pedophile or messed up victim of abuse

by LearningToFly 18 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

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  LearningToFly

  Thank you again LadyLee and all posters!

  I wondered to myself after I posted, why I needed to ask this question, but did so anyways.

  Just now, while reading your posts.. I realized I still needed some validation that it was abuse.The adult knows it was, but I guess the child needed to here it from peers like yourself, not just my therapist.

  Logically I know it was, but I suppose there was still some little part left in my brain that shamed me still for it. It's not something I've discussed with anyone for a very long time, not even my current counselor. The topic is so open here on it though, I've had a little more thought on it than usual. But it is a good thing

  Thank you for putting it out in step by step answers Lady Lee.. and thank you all for being a good sounding board for further thoughts and decisions.

  I have made the decision to contact this person.. I need to tell her I do forgive her.. but I also need to somehow find out if she continued on as an abuser. I really doubt she has, and, perhaps my speaking out will start the healing cycle in that family.

  LOL.. have to laugh just now. I may yet become some family members biggest nightmare.. worse than they thought long ago.

  LTF

  Aroar.. you are so right in what you say.. this is my fear.. it is intergenerational.. and continues due to the silence. It is not just the worry of individuals abused.. but also the fact that they likely would find themselves with another abuser.. because they are still blinded to the sickness of it. And so the abuse continues..

  I need to add here.. for myself.. having experienced abuse.. after I left my daughters father.. for incompatiblity reasons.. I stayed single a very long time for the main reason of being sure I did not chose someone who could be abusive to her. To be truely protective.. this was my only way of doing so. In some ways this was a good choice, but also in many ways.. it is a sad reason to stay alone.
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  ARoarer

  LTF. If you do decide to speak to the abuser, be prepared that it may not turn out to be what you hoped. Forgiveness and healing for her. Often abusers are in total denial. Denial (don't even no I'm lying) She may deny which would probably cause you to feel like you are being abused by her all over again. She may even bring other family member against you in the denial to keep the secret. This reaction is too common so try to prepare yourself for this.
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  lesterd

  Does what one do make them what they are? She was acting on the bases she was taught, thats all she knew, to her that was "normal". When we are young, all things are new, and unless told otherwise, it may appear right at the time.

  Now, my thoughts are, was she a victim acting out her abuse on others, or would she be considered a predator by the law and societies viewpoints. Even I can't define her behavior. And I do have very strong feelings against sexual predators and pedophiles

  Who would get her into therapy? Her abuser? she didn't have a choice or a chance.

  I think to myself now, if this was my child, I would have gotten her therapy for her behaviours as well as the abuse she experienced, but this was never done as far as I know. It was just kept a big family secret, no one telling anyone their experiences or sharing.
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  KW13

  I am sure someone will know better and prove me wrong, but one thing i learnt as a Victim of abuse from the cult we were in is that we have to NOT make the same mistakes, from the hitting and pushing around from stepdad i learnt that i dont want to do that to my child(ren).

  My Wifes half Brother was abused and he became an 'abuser' but i think its something in him anyway, not because he was a victim. The things he did, like my wifes stepdad had no excuse and if i see him i'll be first to tac his knackers to a wall and frame them. He likes to call it Incest apparently, even though megan was 12 and he was 18 (age i am now about to become a father). The guy is sick.

  Hope you are alright anyhow.
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  Sarah Smiles

  This cousin also forced my younger sister who was five into sexual activities, which I did not find out about until we were both adult women.

  Sounds like she was a pediphile. Most pediphile are vicitims.

  Do you have other cousin? Most likely she acted out on your other cousins.
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  Cheetos

  When nothing is done you blame those in charge parents or who ever, but Jehovah is a mender of harts we have to trust that one day he will mend our scared harts from this old sick world.

  I do trust that one day he will raise the dead and repair broken harts that have been damaged from this old sick world, only Christ can do this, just hold on do not lose the ember of your faith keep it burning red even if it seems so small, Jehovah will see you through to his promise.
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  Honez

  Sexual abuse is a vicious cycle.. a family member was abused at a young age and i believe its caused a mental instability when it comes to the whole issue, because it caused him to do the same also when he got to the age of the person he was violated by, directly it is him whos liable but great sympathy and compassion i have for him because its something that was placed upon him and even though he did do this i believe its a result of his incidents as a child..

  It comes down to each individual.

  sad to hear this but in reality its something a lot of people go through. proffessional help is the best option for anyone who has come into contact with such issues if the inlying matters effect your present state of thinking.
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  jgnat

  I think of the great survivors who chose not to repeat the cycle of abuse. Regardless of our individual histories, we all come to a crossroads of decision. Will we give in to the old ways, or forge a new path based on compassion and love? This girl, though she was young, though she was a victim herself, was still a perpetrator.
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  Honez

  I agree with "cheetos"

  We must remember not to lay blame with our god jehovah for he is not the cause of this problem world, may we have the courage to forgive all for we all battle with the flesh and battle with the taunter satan the devil and his followers.

  pedophiles are victims and most violence is caused by a cycle.

  Repent lay your burdens on jehovah and cover all with love for our fellow humans.