What affected you more, growing up in the cult, or a dysfunctional family? (page 2)

snowbird

It was my dysfunctional family that led me to the JW's. After my momma and daddy split up, we ended up moving in with a grandma who despised us. She didn't like her light-skinned grandkids, and unfortunately for me, I was much lighter than all the others. I used to rub the black dirt into my skin to appear dark. But, get this, she was light-skinned herself! Talk about crazy!

As is usually the case with any dysfunction, I simply traded one for the other. Now, I'm working on getting rid of all the crap I had to deal with. It's not easy, but one must do what one must do.

Snowbird

Finally-Free

I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My mom joined the cult hoping it would provide something better. I joined later. The cult worsened an already fucked up situation.

W

Mum

Dysfunctional family for sure. I was converted to the cult as a teenager. Being love bombed was just what I needed as I didn't connect with any of my immediate family (mom, dad, bro., sis.). The cult was actually a sanctuary in those days where I found what appeared to be acceptance and friendship.

When I got to be an elder's wife, I began to see the corruption, hatred, cruelty and downright diseased condition of the crazy borg.

Regards,

SandraC

Anti-Christ

I think the dysfunction of the religion, suited the dysfunction of my parents. It just gave them a means of having the authority to make it last longer, and justify more of the insanity. It would have been weird even without the religion. In my case the religion was far more toxic for me than most because the elders went out of there way to nail me whenever they could, for even the slightest infraction.

I would have to say about the same thing. The worst in my case would be my dad. My mother eventually woke up and so did I later on. I think the cult fulled the dysfunction. My wife on the other hand had a very good functioning family, it was the cult that mess things up.

Orgull

It's as though you guys are in my head. I've been feeling exactly the same thing. My family is dysfunctional to the extreme. My religion is also dysfunctional to the extreme. Together, it's a wonder I have even the slightest thread of sanity left in me.

No wonder I'm messed up.

Funny thing is, it was my treatment for depression that made me realize that what I was getting from my religion was as bad as what I was getting from my family. Once I stopped being a 'victim', neither my family or my religion worked for me anymore.

Now if I can just throw all this weight off and start living...

changeling

I think the cult gave my parents an excuse to be the dysfunctional parents that they were.

changeling

LearningToFly

For me it was a double edged sword. My family was and is extremely dysfunctional, they would not have been any different if they weren't JW's.

Without the religion I would still have had major issues through life due to the wide range of abuses that took place in our home. But, with the added spiritual abuse my psyche was further twisted in regards to my abuse experiences, making me feel even more damaged, evil and worthless, because the message was that God felt this way about me.

Being shunned at 16, still a child in many ways, was like being thrown to the lions. I survived it, but was left with many scars that are still tender and open up now and then.

sweetstuff

Definitely the cult.

My parents aren't perfect, my upbringing was far from perfect, but I did see a wonderful marriage for over 40 years (they are still in love and each other's best friend), they never yelled or screamed at each other, settled things in private and took us on trips, etc. I often wonder how great my family life would have been, if they hadn't been brainwashed into that cult, it caused most of the pain and suffering that went on in my house.Lots of crappy stuff related to being a witless, yes, but I can't fault them for being crappy parents in other aspects. I could sit and look at all the bad, but I try hard to remember the good as well. Could have been much worse.

Dagney

Hi (((((BB))))!

What a great question! It's the chicken or the egg question.

My parents were troubled. Then coming into the cult at the height of the craziness in the late 1930's...it was all over...they didn't have a chance and never looked for a chance to help themselves. sigh

I do think the cult is more damaging. Everyone has a bit of dysfunction in their family, and universally we are all trying to reconcile the crap of growing up. But the influence of a cult, parents choosing/enforcing it's structure and demands on their families, that seems to be the hardest for me to reconcile.

Bumble Bee

I would never blame all my problems on the cult. It's just that growing up in the cult only added fuel to the fire so to speak.

Thanks for your comments BFD, always appreciated!

Sassy - double whammy!

TJ -

I think the family issues will be the long-term and more in-depth issues, because deep down inside I WANT a normal, loving, nurturing, supportive extended family... and I will never have that.

God! I want that too!! I'm trying for it. Thank you too, for your thoughts on the therapy and how it's helped you. I've made the initial call and am waiting to hear back.

snowbird -

Now, I'm working on getting rid of all the crap I had to deal with. It's not easy, but one must do what one must do.

Good for you! I'm starting too.

FF - I hear ya bro!

Mum - same here - it was the dysfunction for me as well.

Anti-Christ - thanks for sharing your and your wife's experience.

Orgull - I think you'll start living real soon!

changeling - thank you for your reply - people look for excuses where ever they can find them!

LTF - I know what you mean about the scars, it's like ripping open a scab.

sweetstuff - I definately try and look at the good in things. If you ask my siblings to remember a certain event etc, they remember the bad, I remember the good. My motto has always been PMA - PositiveMentalAttitude, but it's just getting too hard to bury everything anymore, it has to be dealt with.

Dagney - Hugs to you to my friend!! Chicken or egg indeed!! lol

Thanks to all who took the time to respond and share their experiences.

BB

What affected you more, growing up in the cult, or a dysfunctional family?

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