by Justafriend 15 Replies latest jw friends
Welcome,
Let your friend enjoy his time outside the religion. When other JW's enquire about him, don't freely give information on what he does, otherwise his family will pull him back in the safe surrounds of the religion and won't allow him/her to associate with outsiders.
All the best. Please free to ask any other questions.
First of all, I want to thank everyone for helping me out... To respond to Madame Quixote's inquiry about whether my friend is baptized or not.... truthfully I am not so sure, but I'm guessing he's been baptized since his father is an elder or someone like that. Is having been baptized a lot worse off than not getting baptized at all (when his attitude toward his faith is the same??) As to becoming "an interested one," I have thought of that, but I think I am going to hold off on that for a little bit, because I don't think I'm ready to touch on that subject yet. I'm still pretty clueless about the whole JW religion, and I don't want to make a stupid move and push him away all together....
Part of the problem is your definition of friend is probably much different than a jw's definition. They have different meanings for many everyday words. As for pretending to be interested, please don't put yourself in such a difficult position. It will only get them all excited and they will not leave you alone after that. If you should start and then decline any more so called 'bible studies' (which are not bible studies but wt literature studies) they will drop you like a hot potato. Best to let him taste freedom as best he can and try not to get into religious discussions. You can't win and and may make him think he shouldn't be with you at all because if you disagree you could be a spiritual danger to him. Let him see the real world as happy and free.
In response to Carla: Can you tell me what you mean when you said that my definition of friendship is different from his definition of friendship?? Does that mean that he doesn't regard me as a friend? The thing is, I have treated many of my other friends nicely and even nicer than I have to this JW friend, but none of them were half as grateful for what I have done for them. They just take things for granted. But this JW friend even bothered to send a thank you card for something so little. To be honest with you, I was really surprised by his gratefulness and sometimes I feel disappointed that many of the so called "Christians" (including me) are not as polite and respectful to the people around us. What is their true definition of friendship? I have heard from another JW friend that this JW friend is very quiet and solemn in KH, and my dad said that it's the rigid and religious part of him. Are they cold to their JW friends too?
By the way, I know it is anonymous here on the forum, but in response to what Changeling commented... I'm actually a girl... and I know that might complicate things a little because I can't be his buddy just like that... I mean, we might shared the same interests in certain sports, but I think he is trained to be even more cautious against "worldly girls" as opposed to "worldly guys." Before this summer we were more like buddies. I guess the guys treated me as one of them. But after coming back from a very long vacation myself (more than a month), he talks to me differently, less as a buddy and more like a friend at first, then just less altogether....
My brother can talk to him about more stuff, like cars and everything, but usually I have been the one contacting everyone for sports, including him. Recently I have stopped and let my brother contact him instead. It is because he used to respond to my invitations within ten minutes or so, but recently, he might not answered at all, or said that he couldn't come at the last minute at times, while at other times, he's there on the court early and all ready to go... I guess this is the part where he has been struggling with the two worlds that he's in. For some reason, he's more passive than before. For one thing, he doesn't call and say he wants to play sports himself like he used to anymore. Whenever we play now, it's always my brother and I do the asking and he sees if he can come and come accordingly. I have suspected that he's distancing himself from the rest of the group at times though he did ask once when's the next time we would be playing... but other than that, he's always unsure about the next time even if he did come. There's nothing I can do to help him, right? Except to be a buddy/friend as much as I can???
justafriend,
It is really hard to say what your JW friend is really thinking. Perhaps he feels like he is getting too close. Perhaps your friendship is getting too important to him, so he feels like he has to distance himself before it becomes something that involves his heart. He wants to be your friend, but feels guilty because you are not a JW. JWs see friendship with the world (people who are not JW) as something to be avoided. This is very hard for young JWs. I remember how it was when I was young. I had friends who were not JWs and sometimes I felt guilty. This is hard to explain to someone who has never been a JW. It really does not make sense to them. But there is such control in the Watchtower organization that everyone feels that in order to "keep the organization clean" from the influences of the world, they have to report any conduct they see as different from what the organization demands. I agree with the posters that say: Be his friend, but be careful, now that I know you are a girl, my answer is different. There may be more than friendship on his mind, which will complicate matters. Dating is a whole different subject. Young people are young people and sometimes they can get involved almost without thinking. Take it from a Gramma who has been there. (and still remembers)
Velta
Thank you, Velta, for your advice. Actually I have been thinking about that too. But recently he has stopped playing with us for about a month. Though we have set up times to play a couple of times, he always finds "work," or couldn't come for "various reasons" at the last minute. Perhaps it's hard to understand their ways of thinking, but recently a friend from the forum has recommended me to read a couple of books that go deep into their mindset. I hope that when I am done with the books, I would still have a chance to help him. I wonder if my brother and I should be passive and just let things be, or should we be active and invite him to play with us again? It gets a little tiring asking when he is never available. I feel like we are causing him trouble whenever we set up a time to play. But then of the times we did play, he seems happy and himself.
