Reinstatement questions

RebelWife

Would somebody give me a detailed rundown of what occurs? And what would I (the evil UBM) notice my husband doing that would give me a clue that he might be planning this? I've looked at some old threads and see that there must be letters & meeting attendance. Hubby has told me he would have to "confess" to somebody and that I couldn't be there. Confess what? And how much detail are we talking about? And why couldn't I be there? When does this happen? He's been DisFigured for several years. (And could I go to meeting, spilling a little cleavage and reading Stephen King?)

jgnat

Typically Regular Meeting Attendance is required. Yes, a letter is typically required requesting reinstatements, though my husband has done it verbally. The elders think about it, may ask additional questions to determine sincerity, and may require additional conditions, such as an additional book study. Six months is the typical period for reinstatement, depending on how many connections the person has (relatives in good standing) and how much he has annoyed the local elder body.

If they don't like you, reinstatement can take up to six years.

You could tell if hubby is frequently away on meeting nights, showering and shaving religiously, and sending his suits out to be drycleaned.

jgnat

Confess? His wrongdoing of course. That might include hooking up with you. The most important thing is that his confession seem humble, sincere, and heartfelt.

jgnat

Confess what? And how much detail are we talking about?

If it's sex related, the more detail the better.

And why couldn't I be there?

It's considered between the confessor and the confessee's. Do you really want to sit in on a religious judicial action where you don't recognize their authority?

When does this happen?

At the point your hubby asks for reinstatement. He would likely be approached for his interest after attending a few weeks, and then the reinstatement meeting would be six months' later at the earliest.

And could I go to meeting, spilling a little cleavage and reading Stephen King?

Sure, wear pants. I show a modicum of submissiveness by getting permission for my outfit and my meeting toys before we set out. He's made a mistake a few times, but I firmly reminded him I'D ASKED FIRST. He now begs that I leave my SUDOKU at home. Too obvious. I always bring a blank notebook and pencil.

If you want to delay reinstatement, you could innocently bring up some unconfessed sin to the elders. As in, "Didn't <Larry> mention the little problem porn addiction?"

RebelWife

Is there some type of formal thing, like a hearing? That's what it sounds like, but he really won't tell me much of anything. I want to know if these people are going to be hearing anything about our sex life. I REALLY want to know about that one. Hubby says no, but for some reason, I just don't believe that. How many nights/days a week would he be attending something? Could I go with him and dress objectionably, or is there some reason I couldn't? (Not that I would want to. This is still all hypothetical.)

RebelWife

Jumped the gun there. Sorry.

zack

Have your husband consult a psychiatrist. If he is OUT and wants to get back IN, he needs professional help. If he wants something to do three times week, have him coach Little League, take knitting classes, or join a gym. Chain the man to the front porch if you have to.....but don't let him go back....and do not allow him to castrate himself by groveling to any JW elder, let alone 3 of them.

RebelWife

It's considered between the confessor and the confessee's. Do you really want to sit in on a religious judicial action where you don't recognize their authority?

Oh, yeah. I'd like to hear the whole thing. And watch hubby try to tell someone that what we've done is disgusting. I'd also like to see their reactions.

BluesBrother

A re instatement committee meeting is held on the same lines as a disfellowshipping committee. Usually 3 elders, if possible the same 3 that d/f'd him - they convene a formal meeting and hear his request for re instatement . They can ask any question that they think is relevant. Was he d/f'd for having sex with you? If his sex life is relevant, then they can ask...They would not allow a "worldly person" to attend the committee hearing

If he can convince them that he is truly repentant and really wants to be a JW again, they might reinstate him. He would then be expected to attend all the meetings and be active on Field Service and perhaps have a 'bible study ' with an elder to help him back.

PS. Zack has got it about right!

Shawn10538

Matbe your husband would enjoy some scrapbooking three nights a week rather than going to the meetings?
Seriously though, if your husband is thinking of getting reinstated, then seeing a thrapist is a good idea. He might be experiencing what is called "floating." This is when an ex-cult member, after having proven to himself that the cult is false, experiences periods of believing the cult is true again. I have experienced several bouts of floating since I left. Just look at my past posts, I have seriously considered getting reinstated several times but each time I go back I snap out of it and come to my senses again. Remember, they call it a cult for a reason. The indoctrination is so thorough that one's very identity is tied up with one's cult identity. Not easy to lose that kind of mind fucking.

Reinstatement questions

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