He's been DFd three times, I think. The last time he said they didn't want to, but he said something along the lines of not being able to measure up and that they didn't have a choice. I believe all three times were sex-related, but I didn't meet him until a couple of years after the last time. The only time he talks about going back is when things get really stressful. There's all kinds of crazy stuff going on right now, so I'm thinking this may come up again. I think at one time he told me they would want to know all the things he's done that are no-no's, so that would include things I don't want discussed with a bunch of perverts. We're still not at the point where he would talk to a counsellor. He said he's afraid I would cause problems if I went. (Who, me?) Do they really bar people from the outside who are part of the equation? I can't wrap my brain around that. I'm his WIFE. Oh, boy...
Reinstatement questions
by RebelWife 27 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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Sassy
well they won't stop you from attending Kingdom Hall public meetings. However, they will not let you attend any private meeting with him to discuss his reinstatement.
ironically if it were the opposite and you were the man.. they would want you there.. a husband is allowed to be in the presense of a meeting with elders and IF he is a witness, he is required or they can't meet with the woman privately..
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Mrs. Witness
Good luck Rebel! Mr. Witness was never DF'd but was out and exhibited the same pattern (wanting to go back when things got stressful). Unfortunately for me, he's in with a vengeance, baptized, and trying to be "Super Witness"! Stick to your guns, don't let him get back under their control. And if you do go to any meetings, be yourself...ask questions about everything and remember what you've read here.
Side note: I went to the Memorial this year and was sorely tempted to eat & drink, but out of respect for Mr. Witness I didn't...I now wish I had and had my daughters follow me!!
Keep us in the loop!
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Open mind
I don't intend to pry here, and I'm not. But, did you know that really good married JWs aren't supposed to have oral sex?
Does your hubby know that?
Something he might want to be aware of.
BTW, the official policy is that oral sex between married JWs is wrong, but it's kinda like Gays in the military. Don't ask, don't tell. But if the 3 person kangaroo court somehow feels they have the right to ask, they might.
So, RebelWife, how about a Bible Study? Interested?
Open Mind
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jgnat
Is there some type of formal thing, like a hearing? That's what it sounds like, but he really won't tell me much of anything.
Yes, three elders, your husband, and the bible. They would try and keep everything "informal" and "at ease" but it's always three elders.
I want to know if these people are going to be hearing anything about our sex life. I REALLY want to know about that one. Hubby says no, but for some reason, I just don't believe that.
Your instincts are correct. BluesBrother explained the process very well.
How many nights/days a week would he be attending something?
Two weekly meetings plus the Sunday service. Once reinstated, he would also be going out in field service, usually Saturdays or Sunday afternoons, ten hours a month.
Could I go with him and dress objectionably, or is there some reason I couldn't?
You can go to any of the weekly meetings. When I got really angry at my husband, I just showed up at the meeting and sat beside him. There was nothing he could do. You could do the same.
I think at one time he told me they would want to know all the things he's done that are no-no's, so that would include things I don't want discussed with a bunch of perverts.
Could you agree, as a couple, that this MUST NOT BE DISCUSSED? Remind him that your feminine intuition is very powerful, and you would find out if he did.
We're still not at the point where he would talk to a counsellor.
This is tough. I think some of the posters are right on that your husband is a "floater" and is always at risk of returning when stressed. He needs to learn new ways to deal. What is his base personality like? What are his interests and hobbies? Perhaps you could interest him in another "male bonding" organization that has nothing to do with religion. He needs some refuge, he needs to find a safer one.
He said he's afraid I would cause problems if I went. (Who, me?)
My hubby was worried about the same thing. So what? We're married to them. They married us for a REASON. They LIKE our spunk. Go, see with your own eyes, talk to the lonely grannies, wink at the babies, deflect the aggressive pioneers, and speak your mind to the elders. The worst thing they could do is label you "worldly", and they've already done that without ever meeting you.
Do they really bar people from the outside who are part of the equation? I can't wrap my brain around that. I'm his WIFE. Oh, boy...
Sure. It's a cult. Obedience to the organization is all.
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Terry
The important question to ask is; how much of what is requested/required is in scripture.
What are they making up out of thin air?
Jesus never mentioned disfellowshipping and conseqently only dealt with forgiveness.
Procedures and rules about exclusionary behavior stem from Paul and not the Jerusalem branch of christianity or Jesus.
Writing a letter? Where does the bible require that?
Professing belief in the FDS? Where does the bible require that?
Loyalty to the Organization? Where does the bible require that?
The shepherd who leaves the 99 (faithful sheep) and goes actively in search of the 1 stray and brings it back into the fold shows where responsibility really is placed.
It is the ELDER who must seek out the "lost sheep" and actively bring them back!
The sheep doesn't write letters to the shepherd and confess sins and take loyalty oaths.
IT IS ALL UNSCRIPTURAL!!
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carla
They can and will ask about your personal intimate life which probably will make it's way to the wife of one of these elders then to her friends and so on. Your husband will deny this could ever happen blah,blah,blah. Yes, the shower thing, when he starts to only shower on certain days you can be sure he is seeing jw's. A complaint I have heard from other ubm's as well, they only bathe on meetings days or when going in service. So very sorry he is getting mixed up with this destructive cult, my sympathies.
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sweetstuff
Yes, the shower thing, when he starts to only shower on certain days you can be sure he is seeing jw's. A complaint I have heard from other ubm's as well, they only bathe on meetings days or when going in service. So very sorry he is getting mixed up with this destructive cult, my sympathi
Umm, as much as I dislike the j dubs, I have never know one in my entire life that only baths or showers on meeting days and field service days. That's just misinformation or personal habits, not a policy whatsoever.
Having been disfellowshipped years ago and then reinstated, from my experience, if he confessed what he did when he was Df'd they won't ask for any confession, rather if he has repented of his ways and has become faithful to "Jehovah" in his works.(They make also ask him if he recognizes the WTS as God's organization on earth) I never had to write or sign any letter, just be belittled by three pompous men who sat like gods deciding if I was "good enough" to be let back into the flock. If he hasn't attended meetings for at least a year faithfully, they will require him to do so, before reinstatement, as a token of his "remorse". My advice, is with the other posters, do whatever you can to disuade him from going back. Ask him why he wants to be a part of an organization that has booted him three times? Why does he have to answer to humans for his sins instead of God? Getting him to think is the first step in getting him away from the org. Do as much research on the bible as you can, like Terry said, use it to your advantage.
Your wishes and desires for privacy mean nothing to these people. If they want explicit details from him, he is obligated to answer if he wants back in, if he doesn't answer, they aren't going to let him. Even if you were a JW wife, your viewpoint or desire to be present would mean nothing, you have a set of ovaries my dear, thus, making you inferior in their eyes. Good luck to you and I hope your hubby comes to his senses before he lets them control his life again.
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RebelWife
Thanks for your replies, everybody! I'm sure I'll think of more questions & I KNOW I have some comments. (I probably ought to keep most of those to myself, as they'd most likely be vulgar in extremis.)