Dfed and Damned for Life (page 2)

changeling

They actually said "you are in an adulterous marrige"? You are legally married right? Your ex-wife has broken her vows as well, right? On what can they base this?

IMO this is not even a "witness" thing. It's the prejudice of your particular body of elders.

Request a meeting with the CO. Get to the bottom of this.

If you want to continue in this crazy religion or if you just want to get reinstated so you can speak to your family and then fade, this is your call.

The other alternative is to say "the heck with it" and move on.

Whatever you do, I wish you the best.

changeling

Strange. I know at least TWO Elders who dumped their JW Wives and married another Sister. For a short time, the elder and the other woman was disfellowshipped or Reproved (I don't remember which) but within a Year these guys were in Power as Elders once again.

brunnhilde

The people on this board are here for you, no matter what your decision.

What Gopher says is true, and it stands in marked contrast to the way those in the Borg will behave. It might be hard to believe, but it as painful as it is to leave behind loved ones, in the end the price of making your own way will be a less expensive one than sacrificing yourself and your wife and child to people who have proven they will never accept you. I hope you will find some peace for you and your wife, at this time especially that should be a most joyous one!

brunn

IP_SEC

Im sorry dude. I dont understand. Why do you want to get reinstated? So you can talk to people that treat you badly?

Quick fix. Leave the JWs in the dust.

LoverOfTruth

I think perhaps you might consider using this period of time doing some research about this Religion. Afterall they seem to consider you "Dfed and Damned for Life" as you say. A good place to start would be to get the book "Crisis of Conscience." It is a lovingly written book by Ray Franz ~ You have every right and obligation as a Christian to "Make Sure of All Things" ~

Dawn

Hangin-on (hugs to you) - I do understand the position you are in completely.

Let me pose a question to you and I ask you to think about it with a very open mind. It is hard to do this especially if you were raised as a JW or was in the organization for a long time.

Since you have obviously prayed to God about this - do you think he is already answering your prayer but you don't yet recognize it? Sometimes when we pray for something we assume we know what the answer should be. Quite often, we are suprised to find out it's something entirely different.

I prayed for a very long time that he would forgive me, that he would build my faith, and bring me back into his "fold". The more I prayed, the harder it was to stay in. Looking back now, I realize that he was listening and he was answering me and he was working in my life. It just wasn't the answer I expected.

You are basing everything on the belief that the JWs have the truth - just as I did. But what if that it's not? Step back for a little bit and think with an open mind. Read the book of John from start to finish without stopping - don't be afraid to read the bible with an open mind like I was for so long, it's his word, just read it and then ask yourself - "Is he already answering your prayer?" You may be suprised at what you find.

bikerchic

I have posted my story on here before. I was dfed at 22 for sleeping with an 18yr old girl in my cong. I was married and me and my "mistress" were both dfed.
I admit I was wrong by even the worlds standards. I can blame other people... the elders, the other cong members for pressuring me to get married young but I know ultimately what i did was my fault and is unexcusable.
about 2 years ago I got divorced and married the woman that I got dfed for sleeping with. (we have been dfed for 3 years and 4 months)
We have been clean and in line with bible and WTS standards for 1 year and 10 months. In this time she has gone thru a number of health problems. We have made more meetings than the elders on our comittee and have gone to all of the assemblies. We have written about 5 or 6 letters. Sometimes it takes them 6 months to respond to a letter. I asked for a meeting verbally and one of the elders didn't tell the other elders on the comittee for 5 months. When they meet with us they keep talking about how we are in an adulterous marriage and that the congregation views us as tax collectors and Jah may forgive us but will never let us forget that we are in an adulterous marriage.
My ex wife does not go to meetings... she is drifted, she has had boyfriends live with her and had sex even before I married my current wife.
I asked the elders to meet with us after giving them a letter 6 months ago and they talked about how the other elders on my comittee are going on vacation and they dont know when they will have time.
I feel like it is very low priority for them to reinstate us or even meet with us. Is this something that the elders are taught... to neglect reinstatement letters and not meet with sincere individuals????
I also don't understand where they are going with this aldulterous marriage stuff.... do they not recognize my marriage, maybe I should get a divorce??????
My wifes mother very rarely spoke to her but after the convention (there was a part on how to treat dfed people) she wrote my wife a letter telling her to not talk to her and that she loves Jah more and we should pray for forgiveness.
My mother is also a jerk to me all the time asking me what I want if I call her... telling me that she can't talk to me but when her computer breaks or she has a car problem she calls me right away expecting help.
I just don't understand what everybody wants from us... I have a sick pregnant wife, alot of stress in my life and both of our parents act like we are doing somethinig to prohibit our reinstatement.
I feel like I am giving all that I can and that it doesnt matter.

In the land of make believe lets pretend you know nothing about the JW's (now wipe your mind clean, ya hear!) and your son comes to you and tells you the above story, really and truly what would you think he's been smoking and what advise would you give him? Just really sit with this one, for days if you must. Your sanity and your families future depend on it.

If you haven't the strength to impose your own terms upon life, you must accept the terms it offers you.
T.S. Eliot

JK666

Wow, this takes me back!

At one point I felt the same as you do now. I thought that I was just too flawed to live up to righteous moral standards. I felt damned, and that the Organization had the right to dictate God's moral standards to his earthly subjects.

That all changed when I discovered the spiritual immorality between the Watchtower Society with the UN. It infuriated me that they could do this, and then judge me for a human weakness.

From now on, I will never let any human be arbiter of my morals or sex life. Good luck on your journey of discovery.

JK

Witness 007

A married sister I know ran off with another Ministerial servant it took 3 and a half years to be re-instated. WHY go back and waste your life if you say they have screwed you up so bad.

Sparkplug

OMG...OMG...OMG... I am sitting here and about to be ill. I see myself and my life a good 18 years ago. Please if anything gets through to you. Take that new wife of yours and run. Hold her, love her, and love that new baby that is coming. Forget the appeals and screw the opinion they have of you. Forget the months of making you wait on an answer or the endless hours of wondering why or if you are good enough and even if they get back to you now...don't accept it. Fact is they are not good enough for you.

The love they offer is conditional. That is not love. Listen to what you are saying. You have paid the price. You have screwed up. You have righted what you can, now it is time to move on. Your ex wife is trying to and sad to say, she seems to be taking the wiser path and leaving the JW's behind. From your viewpoint right now it may seem to you that her life may be messed up, and it may be a little. But at this point, her mind may be healing a lot more than yours. because from the little you described, she might just be letting the mind control lose some of the hold it has over her.

You on the other hand need to seriously look at what you are asking. A Divorce?? Come on now? Do you love your new wife and child? Then it needs to have NOTHING to do with a bunch of old fucktards sitting in judgement over you that are not in your household. Sure they seem to have power over you because they keep you and her from associating with family right now, but truly, they seem to be doing you a favor. Who wants to be with someone who only calls when they need your help.

I sound harsh right now, but hon, it is from 3 times sitting in your shoes and loosing loved ones because I had that same mindset you hold right now.

Please hang in there...but not with this wacked religion. Hang in there with your wife. Your child. You and her did all this and let it go. Start loving each other fresh NOW. Love each other for each other and without a second thought of the old WTBTS. You are kicked out...take it as the best gift you ever got and go do things with her.

All the things you ever wanted. Think on it. ALL you ever wanted is in front of you and they can't and won't stop you. Don't look back. Don't go back...run, don't walk...RUN.

If you can, try going with your wife to a counselor.. Not because there is anything wrong with you, but just give it a try. So that someone can help you perhaps open your eyes to see how twisted that religion has your head. This time should be so happy for you. A new wife, a new baby...The world in front of you! You are young! Not a time to be sitting and hurting and wondering what is wrong with you and stressing about how long you are going to have to wait on these people.. PEOPLE to respond. They have your head in the wrong place...

Just saying.

Oh I wish you so much love.

Dfed and Damned for Life

Share this