Missing the meeting... AGAIN

by 5thGeneration 14 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  exwitless

  She basically gets upset dragging the kids by herself because she doesn't really want to go either.

  She really hates answering for me too. "Where's your husband?" "Is he sick?" "Why haven't we seen him?"

  I feel really bad for her but... watcha gonna do?

  I can relate to this feeling. I was that wife for a little while. My husband Little Drummer Boy stopped going to meetings probably about a year before I did, and before that, he was REALLY inactive. I felt like I was just as tired, sick, unmotivated, busy, or whatever other excuse he had to miss meetings. But I dragged my butt and my son's butt in there as often as I could, because I thought I would be pleasing "Jehovah".

  I got really sick of the "Where's your husband? How's your husband? Tell him we miss him" comments. So I finally started doing as OnTheWayOut suggested. I would answer by saying, "You know, I'm sure he'd appreciate hearing that from you personally. Why don't you call him?"

  That shut them up. And, by the way, they never did call him to say they missed him whenever I suggested it.

  You should just explain to your wife that if you miss the meetings, it's not on her to make excuses for you. Tell her that it's your "fault" for missing, so if people want to ask, they should call you. Put the responsibility back on yourself to 'explain' yourself. Then (little white lie) tell her that you're proud of her or admire her for going even when you don't. Just your acknowlegement of the situation will help calm her.
• 

  eclipse

  I think that this is a perfect line for your wife, from exwitless:

  "You know, I'm sure he'd appreciate hearing that from you personally. Why don't you call him?"
• 

  carla

  The sad fact is that if a jw wants to go to a meeting having the grandest plans on earth will not stop them. You could probably be in open heart surgery and the jw would tell you they will be back to check on you AFTER the meeting.
• 

  exwitless

  Thanks, eclipse. And it's spoken honestly. If they really did care how my husband was or why he missed the meeting again, they would call him. But I know for certain that the only reason they would even ask me was to clear their consciences, so they put on a show of concern. But as I said, never once do I recall my husband getting a phone call the evening of or the day after a missed meeting.

  My response, once repeated a few times, got results. People quit telling me to "tell him we missed him". Because I would basically tell them to 'tell him yourself!' It was funny to see the looks on the elders' faces when I would tell them. Sort of deer-in-headlights look, like "You really think I'm that concerned that I would make personal effort to call him? Oh, wait, I'm an elder- I'm supposed to!"
• 

  Warlock

  Keep reminding her, and tell her to keep reminding them, that salvation comes from God as A FREE GIFT, and, as no man can save another, there is no group of men who can save a man, either.

  EACH ONE WILL CARRY HIS/HER OWN LOAD!

  Warlock