I loved your analogy of the dog with the dirty bone, I'll have to remember that.
Thanks for the shoe in" about my advice and comment. I have found with teen teenagers one should never pull the rug out from under them too fast, do so with care.
How can I help my JW son?
by Maddie 25 Replies latest watchtower bible
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rose petal
Maddie, I am in the same boat! My ex was abusive, my son withdrawn. When my son and his girlfriend broke up he started talking to an elder. Instead of therapy he starting going to the meetings! It's funny, he hated going as a kid. He won't talk to me (da'd, faded, whatever) and I just hope he snaps out of it. rose petal
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lisavegas420
I have to ask myself ,is it right for me to try and tell him the truth about his "reality" if he is really happy there? Would I do more damage than good, that's if he would listen to me anyway?
I ask myself the same question everyday. Only difference is my son wasn't raised a JW, he left when I left, without a choice, as he was only 3 or so.
He's now 23..... The truth about his reality is he needs to get a real job and stick with it, a place of his own to live, a car, a life!!!. But instead, he just does whatever he wants, he works a few days or weeks somewhere and then just doesn't go back. He's hard worker, everyone like him, and will give him chance after chance, but one day he just decided he doesn't want to go in, and that's that.
He lives somewhere until they tell him to get the hell out, sometimes is takes months, becasue he's likable and interesting...Currently he's back at his girlfriend's parents house for the second time in 2 years. I told him he could live here at home but he had to followed the house rules. He says he understands and doesn't want to live by my rules, but he'll keep it in mind. I still see and or talk to him every day. He's ok with himself living this way...but he can't do this forever...right?
I've been told that I help him out too much, that I should shut him out completely until he does the right thing, but couldn't that cause more damage than good? Who says, it wrong to move around alot and not hold down a job? As for helping him out...I will give him rides to job interviews, I will wash his clothes, and he can come over whenever he wants to shower and clean up. I will feed him, I will give him odd jobs around the house for cash, if I need something done...and if I have the extra money. He's my son...If I see something I think he might like or need (toothbrush, shoes) , I do the same for him that I do for his oldersister and my grandchildren, I buy it for them......It's not like I'm really supporting him.
I've been shunned from my parents completly for the JW crap for 20 years, I know what that's like and would never do it with my son.
He seems contents to live like this and no amount of encourgment has seem to matter or change the situation.
So.....like you,
I have to ask myself ,is it right for me to try and tell him the truth about his "reality" if he is really happy there? Would I do more damage than good, that's if he would listen to me anyway?
*sigh*
lisa
*sorry about the book, damn it was good to get out though*
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Maddie
My son is not a teenager. He is in his twenties, married to a JW and they have a baby.
He did embrace the "truth" when he was at a very difficult time in his life, and I am sure it was this unhappiness that influenced him greatly. He is in a "bubble" that he wants to protect himself from the realities of life. Some people use drugs or alcohol as a way of escaping, other people use religion. It has protected him in many ways and given him a support system and lots of friends. His wife also became a JW when a teenager with a very troubled past.
The last thing I want to do is to be the instrument of causing my son or his wife any more pain. As has been said though, he is only shutting out dealing with issues and I know from experience that they will, sooner or later rise to the surface. The fact that he is giving his life to the WT, being exploited because of his vulnerability and trust is unforgivable. It is also hindering him from seeking out real help in dealing with his issues and fulfilling his potential.
The other problem I have is that I Want to leave the JW's myself (trying to fade), and am only doing it this way because of not wanting to lose contact with my son. If I want to help him then I need to be able to talk to him! I find it very difficult to keep up the pretence as it is so stressful, but I can't see any other option.
Maddie
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jgnat
lisavegas:
ARE YOU SURE drugs aren't involved somewhere? I hope not. If not, then I think your son needs a passion, a dream, an interest that consumes him. What if he picked a shocking career, like a roadie for a rock band? Anything, IMO, is better than drifting. If this were my son, I'd be peppering him with questions about what he finds exciting, fun, enthralling (after I'd confirmed that drugs weren't dragging him down).
maddie:
You are a good mom. I'd try questions with him, too. Without directly threatening the society, I'd ask lots of questions about his interests and dreams, what he loved doing most as a child, things like that.
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Maddie
Hi jgnat,
I am sure my son isn't doing drugs but I will do my best to try and get him thinking about other interests and what potential he has outside of the borg. He used to be a really good athlete and football (soccer) player. I used to take him to all his football matches and he won lots of trophies - I was very proud of him. I still am proud of him because he has always had a lovely caring side to his nature,even with the problems he has from his childhood.