looking for friends to talk with

by ctisi 87 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Frenchy

  Never has this knight heard speech of such a nature before the ladies of the court. I hope princess Seven did not hear this.
  I think that once I did see this hideous contraption you speak of, Sir Thomas. I thought it the deformed spawn of a dragon so foul was its breath and so pitiful its roar. I once saw such a creature carrying off a knight (though he was attired in strange armor) in great haste. I shot an arrow at the demon’s belly which, strangely enough was upon his back. My aim was true and suddenly the belly of the beast burst forth with a great and thunderous ball of fire as the dragon spittle ignited once exposed to the sunshine. I fear that there was not much left of the creature for examination but I did indeed make it turn loose its victim for he went running away and crying out with joy at his deliverance.
  Well, I would never permit so noble a creature as this steed which I ride to be used for the acquiring of so vile a creature as that which you speak of. I would have the wizard Simon turn him into a mountain or a majestic tree before I would allow him to be used for such a foul exchange.
  And you would be well warned to make no move that might be mistaken for an attempt on the Red Horse Woman’s life. The French Knight would not take kindly to that.

  -Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it-
• 

  ctisi

  All i can say is woooooooh!!!!!!!!!!
• 

  TR

  Oh Dear sir French Knight,

  I do understand your ignorance of thy motorized vehicle that thou call "the deformed spawn of a dragon". Thy creation of such a vehicle does not exist in your realm. They are produced in a land called Austria. In this land, there is far more knowledge and expertise in creating things.

  I must say, that I do appreciate your expertise with thy bow and arrow. To shoot thy two-wheeled creation is truly a wonder, for it travels at a pace twice that of a mere horse. It consumes less fuel and requires less care than a horse, also. I request respectfully, that you investigate this creation more thoroughly, for it may work to your advantage, and it doesn't crap like a horse.

  Also, brave knight, your sympathies might be wrongly placed upon the Lady Red. She is of questionable morals. Stories of her exploits certainly are making the rounds at yon local pubs.

  As for the Lady Red(who is of questionable repute, I must say)

  Thou hast shown thy ignorance also of the two-wheeled steed. This fine steed doth not spew smoke. It's internally combusted engine is of the fourth-stroke nature, thus not requiring oil to be mixed thusly in the fuel compartment. I fear not your renegade troup of ruffians. Thy two-wheeled steed out-runneth any four-legged steed in the land.

  Sir Thomas, the Two-Wheeled Knight that also strums an electrified musical contraption
• 

  RedhorseWoman

  Alas, Sir Thomas....thou hast maligned my good name both hither and yon.....and for that, good sir, thee must pay mightily. Be thee forewarned that Antony and Guido, knights whose prowess with cement is most wonderfully known throughout the kingdom of the "goodfellas" have been despatched to thy fair land, wherein they sorely wish to speak with thee about thy transgressions.

  I have been advised by the great Merlin that thine steed doth speweth noisome gases described thusly, "Carbonous Monoxidisimus, which canst cause those breathing thereof to blush in a hue supremely blue, whereupon they fall down dead!" No horse of the realm hast EVER caused such devastation, good Sir!

  AND, Sir Thomas (DirtSir) whereupon thy noxious steed requires liquid nourishment at 2 bucks per gallon, yea verily....my wondrous red steed (and the fine mount of our French Knight, also) dine daintily upon the fresh blades of succulent grass with which our great Lord and Father has blessed the land (for free...even!).

  Dost thine steed run joyously through the surf? Methinks not, fine Sir. Dost thine steed embellish thy face with nuzzly kisses? Methinks not! Dost thine steed warmest thine hands beneath it's wondrous, thick mane? Methinks not once again!!
• 

  TR

  Oh good Lady Red,

  Alas, perhaps I mistaketh you for the Lady of the Red Light. My apologies, if you will, m' lady. If thoust please, m'lady, call off Sirs Antony and Guido. The tales I hear of the cement are not happy ones. Besides, cement adds weight and thy body needs to dispenseth of weight.

  However, m' lady, I must taketh exception with your view of the two -wheeled steed. The liquid nourishment thou speaks of only costs $1.55 & 9/10 per gallon where I reside. Me thinks Merlin has been breathing in too close of proximity to the fumes emitted by your 4 legged steed. This two-wheeled steed doth produce heat by which to warm by and taketh far less room to store. Also it is easier to mount and yea, I say it will perform and traverse at the will of the rider. It crosseth the creek, the mountains, the sands, the mud. It will not excite and repel when thoust wishest it not to. This fine mechanical wonder has a lamp as bright as many thousands of candles to guide one in the dark of night. Alas, it will not nuzzle with kisses, however, I save kisses for my fair maiden who squeals with delight at my riding prowess.

  My lady, it is my duty to inform you of the superior nature of the two-wheeled steed. It cannot be matched!

  Good DAY Lady Red

  Sir Thomas aka Dirtsir
• 

  Frenchy

  Sir Thomas:
  I delighteth in that thou hath made amends with the maid of the red horse. She kiddeth not about her formidable acquaintances. As for that accursed contraption thou ridest I have made inquiries of mine alter ego, the wordy Frenchy who is eternally disposed in a most bothersome manner of continuously bombarding his most honorable acquaintances with his ceaseless banter. I fear that thee art more patient than I with all of his rantings. (Sigh!) Be that as it may he hath informed me that what I at first discerned to be a creature is naught but a metallic contraption of questionable reliability requiring ceaseless maintaining. A contraption which he, himself has some experience he tells me. Seeking to learn firsthand of this metal contrivance of which thou speaketh so highly I traveled to yon land of Austria. I am not unacquainted with this place for it is of this land from whence Conan the barbarian originates. I twice defeated him in battle. Though he be somewhat impressive to behold I learned that his appearance was made possible by a strange concoction given to him by the learned Merlin. He called this magic potion: Steroids. I know not the nature of this magic potion but I am told that those who partake of it must pay a great price for it. But, I digress.
  Upon my arrival at Austria I was met by a knight who holds these machines in great reverence as thou are wont to, Sir Thomas. He promptly challenged me to a race in order to put to rest various claims of the superiority of this mechanical contrivance over the horse. Of course I readily agreed.
  I was given the choice of the course and having some familiarity with the terrain I chose it carefully. T’was a narrow passage between sheer walls of treacherous stone, barely wide enough for a horse drawn cart. I must admit that the noisy machine did exhibit some remarkable speed to such extent that I had soon lost sight of it though my noble steed was at full gallop. I worried not for just around the first bend I overtook the metal marvel. I waved as I sped past the knight who stood by his machine with a foolish look upon his face. It seems that some rocks had fallen across the path forming a barrier fully four feet high. My steed easily cleared the fallen rocks with one mighty jump.
  I easily won the race for the unfortunate fellow had to turn around. It was all for the good for he would not have gone much further even if there had been no rock slide. For ahead the path was cut in two by a wide and deep stream which my horse swam across. I fear that this barrier also would have proven beyond the ability of the machine. Further ahead still the trail ran through the territory of the dreaded tribe of those who eat human flesh. My faithful steed surefootedly made his way in great stealth through the various entanglements along the trail placed there by those barbaric and blood thirsty creatures. I fear that the machine’s loud noise would have promptly advertised the knight’s presence and the tribe would have been well fed that night.
  At length night fell upon the countryside just about the time that a heavy fog drifted in. So dense was the fog that I could barely see my horse’s head. It was here that the trail began a long and arduous decent. Branches and rocks were strewn about this part of the trail which is seldom traveled. I feared not for my steed faithfully and traversed the tangled path in total darkness and in fog without any direction on my part. Here, too I fear that regardless of how bright the lantern of that infernal device it would have served him not in the dense fog.
  Later that night I took rest in a clearing and had barely slept for an hour when my steed’s snorting awakened me. I saddled him quickly and slipped further into the woods. Shortly I saw a band of marauders pass right where I had lain. My horse had once again saved my life. His eternal vigilance had awakened me just in time. I’m afraid that the knight who rides the iron contraption would have perished for it would surely have never awakened him. Of course to argue this is without point inasmuch as he never got past the rocks!
  No, Sir Thomas, while that spawn of the devil may serve some well under certain conditions it is of no value to a knight.
  As for that electric guitar of which thou speaketh, thou may be surprised to learn that this knight hath a certain prowness with yon instrument as well though this knight be more inclined in taste to the artistry of Sir George Jones rather that the demon band KISS or those tumbling rocks or Rolling Stones, or whatever their designation be.

  -Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it-
• 

  RedhorseWoman

  Forsooth, Sir Thomas, twould appear that once again our fine French Knight has demonstrated his superiority, not only in choice of steeds, but also in choice of tests with which to prove the mettle of the beast.

  Twould appear that thou hast been left at the starting gate, so to speak (hehehehe). Mayhaps if thee shouldst beseech me properly, my fine red steed might be of such a mind as to tow thine metal beast to the scrapyard wherein it might be formed most appropriately into a silver trough from whence our fine Knight's mighty charger might drink.
• 

  TR

  ROFLMAO!

  I shanteth taketh iteth anyeth moreth! YOU WINNETH!

  Sir Thomaseth the'eth chastisedeth
• 

  Seven

  Red, It appears as if the matter has been settled before I had the chance to inquire of Sir Thomas if his metal beast required a mounting
  block. Seven
• 

  TR

  Seven,

  The metal beast is short enough not to require a mounting block, unless you're shorter than 5'8". Even then, it's not too hard to mount. I know girls who are 5'2" that ride these beasts. The seat heighth is about 36". Unless of course you are referring to the mounting block of a naughty nature that was mentioned a few weeks back. In THAT case, whatever flips yer skirt!

  TR

  Edited by - TR on 29 November 2000 21:24:0