How do you know...

coolhandluke

If your SO is cheating on you? Well, she's not my SO anymore. She decided a few days ago that she didn't have it in her to continue the relationship. She said that when she'd given all she had to her children that she didn't want to be touched, looked at, or anything. She just wanted to sit in the corner by herself. She especially didn't want to be intimate. Instead of wanting to work things out she thought it best to just end them. After some time and talking she admitted that it wasnt really my fault she just bit off more than she could chew.

I've tried to relieve her burdens by making sure she goes and gets manicures, pedicures, her hair done, etc. I have take her kids to the park while she naps as she works nights. I told her to take 2 weeks off of work as it was causing physical problems and that I'd pick up the financial slack from that. When she broke up with me she wanted me to go but couldn't afford the rent on her own. Initially I was going to leave without giving her a dime. But I decided that since my apartment wouldnt be ready until the beginning of next month that I'd stay and help but that she'd pay me her third in payments, as long as it takes.

I haven't seen her for 3 or 4 days. She avoids coming to the apartment when she knows that I'm there. Her ex who she shares two children with lives nearby. He's been much kinder to her the past few weeks and I had hoped that his humanity had kicked in and he'd turned over a new leaf but I just don't know. Is she with him? Are they intimate? Oh yeah one other thing, she would never tell him that I was living there and paying bills and helping care for her children. Weird? Or am I just looking for something to explain away a situation?

AWAKE&WATCHING

Sorry you have this to deal with, I couldn't begin to figure this out.

My advice is to cut your losses and move on. Easy to say - much harder to do, also much healthier.

My philosophy is if a person or situation is negative, not positive - take your leave.

coolhandluke

i'm sitting here finding it hard to type shaking in anger and feelings of betrayal. break up is one thing. betrayal another... especially with him

thank you for the advice. i promise to try to just move forward. it is incredibly difficult though

free2think

(((((((((((((((((((((((CHL))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Im sorry

AWAKE&WATCHING

I left my husband almost 6 weeks ago. The first week was not too bad because I felt empowered by taking the step to remove myself from the emotional abuse and intimidation.

The next week I kept thinking that he had the stress of my newly acquired apostate leanings to deal with and maybe it didn't have to actually end, maybe just a break was needed.

With my renewed ability to think, the time away has given me time to reflect on how destructive our relationship had become. The longer that I am away the more I can see the abuse for what it was.

My heart still hurts but my mind is what I listen to.

For me the bottom line is this:

It no longer matters who is responsible for what.

The "if onlies" can not be changed or re-done.

It does not matter why it got to this point- it only matters that it is to this point.

For me that means moving on after almost 17 years. It hurts but it is necessary.

mentalclearness

He's been much kinder to her the past few weeks and I had hoped that his humanity had kicked in and he'd turned over a new leaf but I just don't know. Is she with him? Are they intimate? Oh yeah one other thing, she would never tell him that I was living there and paying bills and helping care for her children.

My ex and I have three children. After we first separated our relationship was very tense. Now after many months we are very chummy. We even have lunch together with the kids sometimes. Let me make this perfectly clear: I would NEVER NEVER NEVER go back with him. But having had some time after the initial pain of the breakup has passed I can have a friendly relationship with him. This doesn't mean that it's a deep friendship where I tell him everything. It's just kind of a superficial friendly thing..But it's a big difference from before.

Now about the not telling him that you pay the bills...My ex specifically told me that if I had a new boyfriend who lived with me (or husband) he would lower his child support. He felt that he would be in some way supporting the new man in my life as well as his children. So I think your girlfriend is wise not to tell him. You never know how they will react.

About the cheating thing...I don't know. I have three kids and I know I went through periods where I didn't want to be touched. But it was usually right after having a baby and I was burnt out. I was also depressed. There could be other explanations as well...But you are only one who has the whole picture before you, so I don't want to say either yes she is or no she isn't....

bigwilly

Damn Dom

Knowing what I do of the situation I can definitely understand what you must be feeling. I'm sorry I've been so busy dwelling on my own shit and haven't called you in awhile. Let me know when would be convenient to call you or if you even want to talk at this time. You have been there for me in the past and I am more than willing to repay the favor.

I love you man, you are a truly amazing soul and it pains me to see you hurt.

tim hooper

Dom,

It's time to move on.

Whether or not you've been cheated on is irrelevent; maybe more of a symptom than a cause.

The main thing is that the connection has been lost, and you're SO has no intention of trying to repair it. You can't do that alone.

Fancy a beer?

tim

mrsjones5

My ex specifically told me that if I had a new boyfriend who lived with me (or husband) he would lower his child support. He felt that he would be in some way supporting the new man in my life as well as his children. So I think your girlfriend is wise not to tell him. You never know how they will react.

Mentalclearness, do you have court ordered child support or just an agreement between the two of you? Because I don't think that child support from an exspouse is affected if you were to live with another guy or marry another guy if you have a court order.

So if you don't have a court order of child support from family court it might be a good idea to get one cuz exhubby has no right to threaten you over money at the cost of your kids.

Josie

MadTiger

She is back with him.

Move on.

99.9% sure.

How do you know...

Share this