The Other Side of the Wall
I recently learned that the meaning of the word "paradise" comes from the Persian language and means: walled garden. Funny thing is, I’ve been taught from infancy that the word simply meant "garden", which sounds lovely and desirable. Add to that the word "walled" and the meaning takes on an ominous tone. While perhaps it alludes to the wall of thorns God supposedly surrounded the Garden of Eden with, so that "fallen" mankind could not gain access to its bounty, to me it also conjures up the thought of "trapping" or "keeping in".
You see, I’ve also been taught from infancy that I myself lived in a "spiritual paradise". That because of my family’s beliefs and strict association with fellow worshipers, we lived in an environment of safety, trust, and abundance of "spiritual food", fed to us directly from the hand of God’s chosen slave. Furthermore, by staying within the confines of that garden, we would gain entrance into a literal one in which we would live forever and ever in bliss.
Little over a year ago, I punched out the wall and I left the garden.
Why would anyone chose to leave such a safe place that came with the promise of eternal happiness? Because it was a prison in disguise.
Those who dwell behind the wall of this garden, not only have no access to what lies beyond the walls, they don’t even know anything is there. First of all, as I pointed out, they don’t know about the "wall" part. They think they’ve made a choice, that they have chosen to live separate from the wicked world, and that this benefits them. Secondly, when they enter the garden they don’t realize that they can’t just leave anytime they want. It’s kind of a "Hotel California" situation; "you can check in but you can never leave".
Those who live there have the nerve to say we have "free will".
When entering the garden, people don’t have any intention of ever leaving. Why would they, all good things are inside, all bad things are outside. A "no brainer" right? Yes, exactly right! Because to live happily in this garden, you have to forgo independent thinking. You have to allow God’s slave to feed you spiritual food without ever questioning. You have to believe that everything you are taught is the truth and nothing but the truth. You have to renounce your uniqueness in favor of "unity".
I was born in the garden. I was taught that going outside its protective wall would bring sorrow and misery. They were wrong and they were right.
They were wrong because being true to myself is an indescribable joy. They were wrong because what they taught me was not absolute truth. They were wrong because the taste of freedom is sweeter than anything ever fed to me by the one who claimed to be God’s slave.
But they were right in that I suffer daily the sorrow of not being truly free. I still cannot do what I yearn most of all. These words I’m writing, and so many more that clamor to flow through me onto paper, can not be published. If I ever let free all that is in my heart and say to the world: "This is me, this is my story!", I will lose what I most hold dear.
My daughter and her child are still behind the wall. She has fortified her piece of the wall though marriage. She has vowed to be loyal to the slave that feeds her and keeps her in the garden. Part of her vow of loyalty includes shunning anyone who dishonors the slave and dares to think their own thoughts and make their own choices.
To lose her would be a fate worse than death.
So here I sit, on the other side of the wall. I can breathe for the first time in my life. I can think my own thoughts without the voice of the slave taunting me in the background. I can revel in my individuality. But I can’t wander too far. There is a chain on my ankle. I have the power to break the chain, but my heart will pay the price.
So I must content myself, with sharing my humble words with you, my chosen few friends outside the wall. Please guard them safely, they are my inner being and I am fragile. And learn from my words, to treasure freedom over safety; and to be wary of those who preach unity but will kill your soul.
((((changeling)))))