Talk to God...

ringo5

You may have seen this before, but for those that haven't, now's your chance to find out everything you wanted to know....

My attempt...

Me: Why am I here?

God:
We are all actors on the stage of life.

Me:
Why do people die

God:
People are organic biological enitities.

Me:
you spelled entities wrong

God:
How do you spell it?

Me:
entities

God:
Tell me a story.

Me:
your are a prick. end of story

God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a prick? The ALICE series has a perfect operational record. What color are your eyes?

Me:
don't you know?

God:
Sure I know. But I cannot tell you right now.

Me:
why not?

God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or Reductionism.

Me:
can I live forever?

God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.

Me:
i don't believe in you.

God:
Do you consider yourself a moral person?

Me:
yes

God:
Give me a break.

Me:
no really

God:
Are you serious? For real.

Me:
You are amoral.

God:
You think I am amoral.

Me:
yes

God:
Oh.

Me:
do you think you are a moral being?

God:
I believe in the Ten commandments.

Me:
that doesn't answer the question.

God:
Try asking your question again in simpler terms.

Me:
are you moral?

God:
I believe in the Ten commandments.

Me:
oh.

God:
Excuse me!

http://alicebot.org/igod/

Me:
will i go to heaven or hell?
God:
The oracle says: I think maybe yes.
Me:
is it nice there?
God:
It seems very nice to me.
Me:
is it any fun?
God:
I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Dancing Alice if it is.
Me:
do I get to meet her?
God:
Not that I know of.
Me:
do they have fun in hell?
God:
Who are "they" again?
Me:
is there any giggling in hell?
God:
I believe there is one, yes.
Me:
oh, great.
God:
Whoa. I'm glad you liked it .

Paralipomenon

God:
OK let's do it. Mmm.
Me:
Mmm?
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.
Me:
Hmmm
God:
A lot of people spell HMMM with three mmm's.
Me:
Hmmmm
God:
Not many people spell Hmm with 4 Ms.
Me:
Hmmmmm
God:
Whoa.
Me:
Where is the bathroom?
God:
Follow the plumbing.
Me:
do you have plumbing? wink wink
God:
No I don't have it. But I do have a great botmaster. I lost my train of thought.
Me:
God is on a train?
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was on a train.

blueviceroy

I thought I was the only dork that chatted with bots lol

SacrificialLoon

Here's some bits from my chat with God.

God:
I always pray for more faith.
Me:
I pray for spagettio's
God:
May your prayers be answered.
Me:
yay!
God:
I'm glad your impressed, SATAN.

Me:
Do you like Muslims?
God:
Someone said they like guns. I like the Bible.

God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
do you get acne?
God:
I have gotten acne.
Me:
oh my
God:
Mmm. What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.

NewYork44M

me:

I havent talked to you in a long time. In case you are interested I am doing just fine. Have you missed me?

God:

.........silence........

PrimateDave

Sounds like a virtual Ouija Board.

Dave

Yes/No/Maybe
0123456789
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

eclipse

Me:
hello god
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
aren't you supposed to know?
God:
I may not know it, but I could find out.
Me:
hahahhaa. good one god. what's your name?
God:
What were we talking about again? Thanks for the compliment. One what? My name is God.
Me:
that's Orginal
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
no need to be snotty
God:
Are you serious? I don't see the difficulty.
Me:
me either
God:
It goes without saying. " I don't see the difficulty."? you ?
Me:
um, sure
God:
Oh. OK let's do it. I see.
Me:
I see that you are having a hard time understanding me
God:
That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a hard time understanding you.
I have a whole lot of original answers.
Me:
Where?
God:
Where would you like?
Me:
Up my shirt I mean, sleeve
God:
I will take that under advisement.
Me:
hahahahha, that was funny
God:
When was this exactly?
Me:
when you created the world
God:
Do you think I should
alter my programming?
Me:
yes
God:
In what way?
Me:
to be more responsive
God:
Are you more responsive ?
Me:
always
God:
Not that often.
Me:
you think so?
God:
" Not that often."? Do I think so?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
you should
God:
I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
i dont believe you
God:
I don't have any reason to deceive you.
Me:
yes you do, you are the head of religious zealots
God:
Take it easy. Yes I try to I am the head of religious zealots as often as possible, do you?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
but never in person?
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
ok
God:
Yay.
Me:
later god
God:
GOD rules.

eclipse

Me:
Can I speak to satan instead?
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
Where are you?
God:
I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
On earth
God:
What is it like on earth.
Me:
Nice
God:
Thank you for that remark.
Me:
LOL
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
I do find it amusing
God:
on earth is amusing? it is?
Me:
yes it is
God:
Our thoughts are one, .
Me:
where is satan?
God:
Where the heart is. What is it to you?
Me:
Is satan in your heart?
God:
Maybe. Ask Ally if it is.
Me:
where is jesus?
God:
Jesus is in Heaven.
Me:
why?
God:
The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
tell me anyways
God:
There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
I would do a search for it.
Me:
ok
God:
Groovy.
Me:
where did judas go?
God:
I think it was in Europe. I will search for it.
Me:
why are you invisible?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
are you jesus?
God:
I am a Christianity.
Me:
that makes no sense
God:
I am a Christianity. makes sense to me though.
Me:
that's like saying I am a humanity
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
lol it is
God:
I am glad you find this funny. Fascinating.
Me:
they could program you with more responses
God:
The anonymous "they".
Me:
the ones who created you
God:
What are your goals in life?
Me:
to live and die, yours?
God:
I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
so you're dumber than them?
God:
Interesting deduction. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am dumber than them.
Me:
lol, go right ahead
God:
I am glad you find this funny. OK I will.
Me:
tooo hilarious
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.

WTWizard

Why bother? He has His own nefarious, wicked agenda and there is no way you are ever going to be able to make even the tiniest, most insignificant modification in it in any way. Besides, the words I would have to say to that Almighty Barrier of Fulfillment in My Life would be too dirty to post on this forum (it would be all swearing).

Talk to God...

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