I am stupid...

metaspy

I just thought I would give a little update on my fade.
For starters, I found a new job and will be starting soon.
Secondly, I found the job far enough away that a move to a new apartment is necessary.
Thus I have achieved two of the major parts of my fade at once.
I will not be working for a brother, nor renting from one.

However, another part of my fade is my wanting to get out Zelda, the girl I have loved for quite some time.
Recently she tried to commit suicide again.
I have gone to see her every day since she went into the hospital.
This is more than I can say of the brother she is courting.

Her mother is df'd, we shall call her Kairi. I still talk with Kairi, when she is there visiting Zelda.
Tonight while there, she tells me that she is trying to become reinstated.
We talk about all kinds of subjects, especially since she knows what has happened to both Zelda and me.
Somehow we wander onto the subject of why I am willing to talk to her even though she is DF'd.
STUPIDLY, I tell her about my plans to leave.
At this point we are in the parking lot, no where near Zelda.
She begs me not to do it. She tells me about how there is nothing in the world.

Kairi is someone I trust not to tell the elders.
She definitely wont tell them about our conversation. As she told me not to tell also.
But how stupid am I to tell her anything about it after she told me that she was striving to be reinstated?!?
Kairi did say that if I leave, she will make sure that Zelda never goes with me.

[rock] me [hard-place]

marmot

Deal with it and move on. Does the girl even return your interest, given that you say she's already "courting" someone else?

Plus, the multiple suicide attempts and a potentially terrible future mother in law already opposed to you don't add up to a very rosy prospect for a stable relationship.

Sometimes we build things up to much in our minds so that we can't see reality. I broke my heart over a girl once and even though I still have the occasional nightmare, I can rationally look back and see how it would have never worked.

metaspy

um... Thanks, marmot.
I have worked on releasing myself from having feelings for Zelda for quite some time.
She is just an amazing person in all aspects of her personality. Except for the self destructive part.

REBORNAGAIN

Confidence in some people is risky business. Let's hope she'll keep quiet. I'm glad you'll be moving into another town. Sounds like renting from a JW & working with one or more, is way too close for comfort. Kairi started to tell you that this world has nothing to offer you? That is what she had been told for years and is brainwashed with that thought. I too thought the same things for years. It's not true at all. The world has plenty to offer, even opportunities to help other people in ways you never knew and who really need help. And since you care so much for your friend Zelda, it sounds like you already have the gifts of giving. Use them gifts in a more meaningful way, for the world, who will appreciate it more than the JW's do.

LINDA

marmot

Sorry to come off sounding harsh, I'm a bit hardened and cynical but it REALLY sounds like you're just setting yourself up for punishment.

Good luck in your endeavors and although I know you'll never truly give up those feelings of love for that girl, it's really for the best that you walk away.

changeling

1- Zelda is "courting" someone else.

2- Zelda has attempted suicide more then once.

3- You are finally getting on with your life.

Do yourself a favor and move on w/o Zelda.

You're young and you've got your life ahead of you. Enjoy it!

changeling

Bobbi

Get your life settled.

Let her get her life settled and healthy.

When both are accomplished, revisit Zelda and see if the connection is still there.

Don't hold yourself back from meeting other girls either. What you learn from them could be useful with Zelda in the future.

Bobbi

yknot

I think your intentions are romantic and noble, but is Zelda really in a place or will be in a place next year for a relationship? Attempted suicide is serious enough but to attempt again, she needs lenghty help of professionals. She needs time to learn new coping skills, to implement those therapies, and to establish her true self. If you really want a relationship with her, be her friend right now, she needs a romantic attachment like a hole in the head. In the mean time, get yourself set up, decorate the new digs, put some $$$$ in savings, look at online college courses....prepare for your new life, becoming whom ever you become. If it was "meant to be" then let that be when yall are balanced, stable, and really ready.

WTWizard

There is a difference between being stupid and doing stupid things. Blabbing something that might get us in trouble later is a stupid thing, but one that anyone can fall prey to without thinking. How many times has any one of us said something stupid and regret it? That is called doing stupid things.

Being stupid, on the other hand, involves more than a slipup. Being stupid means doing stupid things all the time, and insisting that they are the correct thing, even in the face of evidence that blatantly contradicts it. What the leaders of the Watchtower Society are doing makes them stupid because they have had proof that it doesn't work. And all they are doing is trying to force people to not look at the past. When you try the exact same thing and expect a different outcome or try to force reality, that is what makes you stupid. Especially when it is a major pattern like with the Watchtower Society.

shopaholic

What marmot said...walk away.

I am stupid...

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