new member from texas. looking for some advise (page 2)

jgnat

Welcome, C&B. I'm not your age any more, but I think I can relate. Everybody, C&B has written her story in her profile, and it's a doozy.

You know, C&B, reading your story I think you've got a lot of great things going on in your life. You have a good husband and two lovely children. You are moral and you love your family. The two of you have found a nice regular church and are starting to redefine your life on your own terms. This is all good stuff!

It seems what holds you back is the old fear and guilt that you were saddled with from a child. Also, talk about extended Witness family! You are surrounded! How practical would it be for the two of you to move some distance away? Just a thought.

I also think you may be right in that a swift break from the Witnesses might be best for your mental health. I don't usually advise this. But your dread of how your family WILL react when it happens is holding you back from seeing all the beauty in your life right now. It's as if you are staring at that scab on your knee, wondering if you should pick at it, rip it off, or leave it alone. You anticipate the pain, but you are never sure when it will happen. Don't bother getting DF'ed again. That will just confirm in their small minds that you "haven't changed". Of course you have changed. You are a good, wise, loving, caring wife and mother. If they can't see that, they are blind.

How about a short DA letter, "I no longer consider myself a Jehovah's Witness. My reason is that I see nothing wrong with celebrating Christmas in a small way with my family. Please remove me from your records, and don't bother calling. I'm happy with my decision." To ease the pain for your immediate family, why not a short note warning them of what you are about to do, and inviting them to go for coffee with you if they are curious as to why. If they choose to shun you, they will hurt you but you would rather live with that pain than to continue with a lie.

I tell you, human beings - all human beings - are curious. Family members who are ready to listen to the "real you" might just take you up on the offer.

Lady Liberty

Dear Confused&Broken,

(((HUGS)))!!! WELCOME to the forum! We are so happy to have you here!! And yes, we will help you!!! That is what this forum does!! How did you find the forum, and what lead you here? You WILL get through this!!! I promise!!

We look forward to hearing more from you!

Sincerely,

Lady Liberty

ibme

Welcome C&B.

And thanks jgnat for the profile item. I just about said the same thing.

No need for her to spell it all out again.

Just a thought to everyone, always read the profile of a newbie first. Just a thought.

C&B if you have a little time on you hands read read read here on JWD, then post your thoughts.

Many time the answers to your situation has already been discussed.

Again welcome.

Me thinkin' me talkin' to much.

IBME

poppers

Welcome to the board. Keep posting here, you will get lots of advice from people who can identify with your situation and who will be you friend.

For those who didn't check her profile, she is 32. She tells her basic story there.

tere1998

I'm not in Texas, but welcome! The people here are wonderful

AuldSoul

C&B, Welcome!

My dad was the Presiding Overseer in my old congregation. He kept pressuring me to drop the things I was discovering about basic doctrinal errors, like JWs teaching that Jesus is not the mediator for all mankind but only for the 144,000. When he made it clear he was done with me (by convening a Judicial Committee about me) I disassociated myself. I would have done so much sooner but I kept hoping I might open his eyes.

If you feel haunted by the specter of the religion you left and want to find closure on any remaining fragments of watching over your shoulder for prying JW eyes, disassociating yourself is a great way to go.

Obviously you know your situation best, but please also consider how your children might be impacted by Grandma and Grandpa "teaching" them the Truth™ (All Rights Reserved, Christian Congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses, Inc.). Will your children get mixed messages about morality? Will they be taught that you and your husband will be destroyed by God if you don't become Jehovah's Witnesses? That they will be destroyed if they don't become Jehovah's Witnesses?

You are well aware that the JW life is not a normal life. The Watchtower brags about that fact in its pages. To what extent are you willing to let that particular brand of abnormalcy warp your family?

From your profile, it seems you already have decided but are dreading the fallout. The fallout will be borne by you alone, not your whole family. It is very different when you are unceremoniously kicked out versus when you walk out into a new life with your head held high.

Respectfully,
AuldSoul

yknot

Good news! I have an suggested "out" that the elders can't argue

Bad news! You will still have to spend sometime reading the WT and discussing it with your mom.

Before I continue I wanted to let you know that I too am Texan, 33, 2 kids (8 &3) and married to an inactive Baptist.

Here is the solution to the JW family.

You will need to borrow your mom's WT cd for a some research. Once you have it or she can get one from the KH, start searching for "Headship" articles. Compile those that can support you claiming innocence under "Husbandly Headship". Since your husband is yours and your children's "head", and he is not a believer, he can impose worldly practices in your home. He can in fact choose which church the family worships. The only catch here is claiming that you are not "wholeheartedly" participating, but rather obeying his authority. If your family are devout JWs they will recognize God's headship arrangement, if not, request a meeting with her elders, no eldership is going to disagree with Headship or WT literature. This will also reinforce the biblical essences of the "argument". Stand firm and you can milk this for a lifetime

The trade off:

You will need to accept WT on a regular basis from your mom, pacify her. Make sure to read through them and be able to discuss them at some later point. Toss them in the trash once you have read them.

Your family just needs to be reassured that you understand the JW message. Being a JW is their hobby, much like soap operas are my grandmothers. People like to talk about their hobbies, again pacify. If you want to keep a relationship going this is all that it should take.

Maybe go to the "Memorial" with them........again just tossing bones

As for church, I would choose the one that could allow your family to grow! In my town both the SB and Methodist offer all types of classes, workshops, study groups, support groups, are kid friendly with activities that are "God Focused", there are early services, family services, kids church, choir, charitable drives for the community......the list goes on and on. Visit as many as needed until you find a fit.

Make sure to water you X-mas tree!

Y

4mylove

Hi!

I'm from the Gulfcoast area, and married to and inactive witness. Stay on this site, it helps tremendously! It's helped me stay sane...

4

OnTheWayOut

Okay, you are welcome to find help here.
First, slow down there C&B@T. We don't know your age, your situation, and which crossroads you are at.
Otherwise, someone will be glad to walk across with you.

You can be vague about the age thing, but we need something more. Are you a fully JW-family with doubts
or what? Are you all active in a congregation? We love stories here. Tell us more.

Smiles_Smiles

Welcome. I am in Dallas. There are many who are close to your situation on this site rather they live close to Tx or not. You will find allot of support here.

Smiles & Luv

new member from texas. looking for some advise

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