7 months ago I came to a foreign country on a working holiday visa for, you know, a 'wonderful experience'- I had plans to pioneer and a kind of determination to use this time to prove to myself, and to Jehovah, that I can be loyal to him no matter what...
Have I failed? I don't think so, but even as I type this I think it is too early for me to answer or even ask that question.. All I know is that during the past 7 months I have done more research and more deep thinking and meditation than I have done in my whole life. I have met wonderful wonderful people- many of them witnesses who have helped me out immensely and shown me a lot of kindness, and many of them non-witnesses- just ordinary people with their own moral foundations and personal philosophies. So many people in this 'wicked world' are oh so loving and display such kind heartedness- kind heartedness from within their own selves, which I have come to admire much more than kindness out of obligation to some pledge or organisation..
Anyway, I digress. There are many many points that I have thus far considered and settled in my mind, and many many more that I would love to raise and discuss with open minded, intelligent people. But basically, the thing that sums it all up for me is: how could a loving God punish any individual on this earth, including any of the billions who live in slums in India or in rubbish dumps in South East Asia or in deserts in Central Africa or in igloos in ?? the North Pole ?? or in trees in South America or in caves in the Middle East etc etc for failing to find amongst the millions of religions in this world and plegde loyalty to The Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsilvania?? And for failing to live up to the standards for life and morality as dictated by a few imperfect (though perhaps well-intended) men?? And for failing to defeat the all powerful, immensely superior and wicked spirit creatures bent on breaking our personal integrity? How How How??
I am sure this has been discussed many times over on this forum, but I am new here and just wanting to vent a miniscule portion of the thoughts whirling around inside my head. As I said, I am alone here in a strange land and I may go crazy if I don't talk to someone.... Oh but I remember now, I did start this thread originally to ask you: how did you go about breaking away from 'the truth'?? (I think the real reason I'm here is actually to find the courage to do it..) My mum, who I never want to hurt, has been a witness for over 25 years. My sister, my best friend, is also a witness... I am in a foreign country but I am involved in the local congregation and living in an apartment owned by one of the brothers... I feel trapped,(and yet slightly liberated by my recent freedom of thought!) I know now that loyalty to and love for my family and maybe even to God should never constitute loyalty to an organisation... Anyway, Just want to hear your experiences- but not bitter, angry thoughts pleeease
.............thankyou for this forum.........