What's better? To live a lie or tell your spouse the religion is lies?

truthseeker

A close friend of mine who is still an active dub believes it is OK for a spouse to leave their partner if they found out that they did not believe the Society had the truth.

In other words, if a loyal JW spouse found a copy of CoC in their partner's possession, it's perfectly justified for that spouse to walk out on the marriage.

So I said to him, did Jesus allow for divorce not only for fornication, but for possessing CoC or simply no longer believing the Society has the truth?

So what is better?

Their are TWO outcomes for a spouse who believes the Society does not have the truth and can no longer give 100% to them.

OUTCOME 1

1) Live a lie to protect family and friends. Believing spouse wants to know what's wrong. Why are you missing meetings, field service. Why no WT study with the family.

Answer: There's no answer.

What happens if....in time, the believing spouse DISCOVERS their other half visits JWD, eWatchman or has CoC in their possession?

The "big bang" - up to this point, the non-believing JW has maintained his friends and family by leading a double life, now he is faced with the prospect of divorce, child custody battles, loss of friends and family.

OUTCOME 2

The non-believing JW spouse decides to share what he knows with his believing JW spouse.

Consequences - heated arguments, threats of divorce or divorce proceedings, judicial committes, child custody battles if applicable, disfellowshipping etc.

In rare instances, the whole JW family can leave the organization intact.

4digitcode

it's a sad reality.

OnTheWayOut

What's better? To live a lie or tell your spouse the religion is lies?

Everyone has to decide for themselves. Many choose to swing the
pendulum to the left or the right, some choose a point inbetween.

There are issues of children, grandparents, extended family, and
many issues within the marriage- money, house, religious custody,
custody in general, love, trust, etc., etc.

If I choose to fade and tell the wife that I cannot support WTS anymore,
and she can live with that, I might decide not to push the issue by
constantly telling her what "proofs" I have of their lies.

If someone else decided that they need total freedom from the cult and
cannot stay with their JW spouse (for whatever reasons- trust, sex, money)
well, WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE THEM? Still, if the religion is the only issue
that causes the separation, give the JW a chance to show loyalty to the
marriage. You can always leave later if they fail that loyalty.

Certainly, in the initial post, WT literature can be used to demonstrate that it
is wrong for the JW to walk away from their spouse over the issue. Still, they
do it. Maybe they are wrapped up in the religion too tight. They need serious
counseling before making such a decision based solely on that reason. Who
is going to give them serious counsel? The elders- HA.

There are no easy answers.

jaguarbass

It would be sad if someones marriage was based solely on a religion. I am sure it happens, but still sad.

In Amreica marriage, is a legal financial aggreement between 2 parties to share assets and debts.

If both parties do not see the arrangement as viable concern then they end up going seperate ways in divorce.

What's God and love got to do with marriage?

jgnat

One Thanksgiving dinner my stepmom turned to my dad and said, "Bill, isn't there something you want to tell your daughter?"

"Oh yeah," he said, "Good news, it's not Cancer."

My eyes got big as saucers, and my heart lept in to my throat. "WHAT's not Cancer?" Dad went on to explain that a chest x-ray had revealed a suspicious cigar-shaped shadow on his lungs. An MRI later, they had confirmed that it was a bit of folded-over tissue. Nothing to worry about.

My thoughts, "How bad does it have to be before you will tell me?"

We take extra care of our families, because we want to preserve our relationships and to save them pain. I think exiting spouses have the right to choose how and when to break the news. I think many non-JW partners make the mistake of assuming they know how their partner respond. When the time feels right, tell. Or tell as much as you are prepared to. ALLOW YOUR PARTNER to choose how to respond. Their reaction may surprise you. Case in point,

Paralipomenon and Bobbi, the continuing saga....

ITHINKISEE Update: Say hello to my wife - newest JWD member! - Freedomlover!

Truthseeker, tell your friend the outcome is very often different than he may imagine. Lots of spouses choose to exit with their partner. Also, I don't think it is a lie to choose the time and place for revealing a shocker.

sspo

No answer to this question.

In my case after i let my wife know about the lies of the watchtower she decided to leave after 25 years of marriage due to spiritual endangerment.

Interestingly, completely contrary to what the bible says if an unbeliever is willing to stay, the beleiver should not depart.

Again i blame the Watchtower in adding their reasoning to influence their followers.

I will not judge anyone if they continue to " lie " fake it or go thru the motion in order to keep his wife or family.

We were in a cult, deceived, one way or another we all have been screwed by it.

OnTheWayOut

sspo:
We were in a cult, deceived, one way or another we all have been screwed by it.

Amen, brother.

llbh

I am in exactly that postion. I like posting here because I do not want to precipitate what I beleive to be inevitable. I agree with jgnat we should and will choose. If it happens sooner ok . It is a shame that a cult that trumpets family values should put divisions between spouses when they leave, or ii it the beleiving spouse who does this? Either way.

llbh

Highlander

sspo:
We were in a cult, deceived, one way or another we all have been screwed by it.
Amen, brother.

And some of us continue to be screwed over by it. Damn cult.

compound complex

bttt

What's better? To live a lie or tell your spouse the religion is lies?

Share this