have you found it difficult?

4digitcode

to make friends since you're out of the organization?

maybe these things take time. It's hard to establish new friendships when ones i had for years floated away in an instant.

'worldly' people have the friendships they've had for years, from childhood, from college, etc.I feel like a weird person not having any real friends anymore. i'm friendly and have acquaintances but no real friendships.it's lonely at times.

deaconbluez

Wow I feel exactly the same way. I have been thinking a lot lately about how lonely I am. I just don't share the same interests as my "friends" do. Therefore I don't hang out with friends. I don't think it has anything to do with my background as a Witness. I just don't like clubs, I don't like TV, I don't like going to somebody's house to just "hang out". I feel like a lonely, lost soul.

V1710

i've found that making friends takes time and shared experiences to build. they don't happen instantly like they do with jw's, but they are also not conditional on the basis that you think, act and speak the same. true friends will celebrate differences not hold them against you. jw friends cross way too many boundaries so other friendships may seem shallow, but they needn't be.

the best friend you can have is yourself and God. once you really like who you are you can make friends with other people. if you have meaningful interests then you can find other people who share those same interests and do things together. i've made good friends mountain biking & cross country skiing. perhaps your local library or book store has a book club you could join. take the initiative to invite someone to lunch or to a movie.

"a friend is a present you give yourself"~unknown

free2think

Yes it is hard, and it takes time. We must arrange our meet up soon.

prophecor

I have to force myself to be a friend. Thats probably, not good. Its so confusing after we were raised to never have friendship with the "the world" that it can seem unatural to break away from those socially destructive habits. I have made only minimal success in this area of my life. It sucks pond water.

R.F.

I haven't really found it difficult to make friends. I've just established myself as more of a loner as of late. I feel alot like deaconbluez. I don't like doing all of the hanging out as they do. I thought there might've been something wrong with me, but hey...it's just the way I am.

ninja

count me in too.....my wife and ex friends are all JW's....and I have no new network....so it is pretty deperately lonely at times.....still I can walk round the house naked while drinking whisky and dancing to the birdy song.......that tends to help......hang in there peoples....things will get better......naked whisky guzzling embarrassing dancity ninja....

4digitcode

wow ninja that's very honest of you. i applaud your honesty.

deacon i feel you even though i like hanging out and stuff, i feel like for different reasons we are in the same boat.

V--very good advice thanks.
free- i may be coming to that apostafest the 1st of december. Thanks all for your replies.

I feel it is hard to make friends because i never had to MAKE friends. they were right there at the hall, in service, etc....

sweet pea

It's a toughie, for sure.

When you are bound to friends in a cult, it is a unique experience and because you share such a surreal life as an observer not a fully fledged member of society you have unique friendships and you naturally feel that these friends are bound to you forever and love you more than anyone else will ever do.

Our friends couldn't comprehend that we weren't prepared to stay and 'struggle' with them and, together with all the other reasons (bad association etc, etc,) cut all contact with us overnight.

This is not natural and you are only human to feel a sense of loss and apprehension about the future and a loss of confidence in cultivating new friendships.

You WILL in time make new friends but there are no short cuts to friendships - it takes time to build a history with new people but the more you put into new friendships, the quicker this will happen. FAKE IT 'TIL YOU MAKE IT! :-)

I was lucky to have made some friends who weren't witnesses and I am now enjoying spending more time with them. I have also made some friends on this forum who are coming to mean the world to me.

I have also come to the conclusion that if I only ever have my immediate family and can count my true friends on one hand, I will be eternally happy - these days I know for certain that the friends I have will NEVER desert me because of what I do or do not believe - they love me for who I am not who they think/hope I am. I would rather have quality than quantity.

Hang in there, it does get better and don't feel bad about feeling sad - it's a totally natural response to your experience.

And please, please come on 1st December to London for the apostanoodle......

:-)

oompa

I have pretty much convinced myself that friends and family are WAY overrated. You can not count on either, especially wife that rats to elders on you, and pioneer son that is sick of truthful debates. I used to have some really fun times with the dubs, golf, camping, beach. Now I am not very close to anyone, not even my wife and kids. What is so odd is that I expected to get closer to my df'd son since from day one I let him know he could count on me. He really travels in different different circles now, and I wish we were closer. There is a HUGE sub-culture of young adult former dubs out there, and I think it needs its own thread......oompa

have you found it difficult?

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