by AWAKE&WATCHING 26 Replies latest jw friends
Do not beat yourself up about this outcome.
These elder meetings can be very intimidating and you did your best.
You know the truth about the org and the time will come when you will be able to express to them what you really feel and find closure.
However, your closure should be that you know the real truth and that they are brainwashed.
Ronin1
A and W,
Good effort. There is not much to say. These people, as nice as they appear, are not on the side of Truth.....period. You are. Therefore, there exists a chasm between you and them. The only thing that can bridge the gap is honest dialoge. They are NOT capable of that. They have decided turning mind, heart, and conscience over to another is the better road.
Also, like the majority of those supporting the GB, they will lie in a heartbeat if truthfullness means opposition to the GB. You are not the kind of person.
There is no "closure" in this situaion. The WT is a black hole sucking minds and hearts into it. The best thing is distance...get away. Leave people that trade truth for agreement to thier delusion and illusion. There are much better things to do.
With you in this Struggle and respecting your intent and effort.
Lesson learned.
V
No, totally wimping out would be if you started going back to the meetings, underlining the answers they want you to give going door to door telling the lies they want you to tell. Your being civil and nonconfrontational is just fine. AND you were brave enough to sit down with hguys who are trained to manipulate and intimidate. And you came through intact.
I'd buy you a beer!
((((((((((A&W)))))))))) I understand what you mean about knowing what you'd planned to say would fall on deaf ears. It's scary, isn't it, when you have a valid point & see that vacant stare & you fear nothing is going to be getting through? That's frustrating & seems so utterly futile. I commiserate with you, too --- we're so angry about the lies of the 'society', yet the misled brothers & sisters whom we love (speaking only from my own experience as some of you have much different experiences with elders & JW family & the experience is everything) don't deserve our anger, so our every word feels like it has to be measured & carefully stated so hopefully it'll have a chance to sink in. Plus, it's almost impossible to keep them focused on one topic of discussion.
I recently had, without warning, a tense 'chat' with elders at my door. A couple times I had the chance to ask--- "loyalty to the organisation"?; "obedience to the organisation"?, where's that in the Bible??? My questions were either diverted, unanswered, or the answer was "faithful & discreet slave". Circular reasonings, around & 'round we go with the f&ds doctrine at the hub. Totally frustrating. Felt a little ganged-up on, 2 against 1, them being well rehearsed & me being thrown quite off-guard & ill-prepared to answer the questions they asked. I was acutely aware, as JWDaughter mentioned, of their obvious 'training to intimidate and manipulate' when their reasoning fails. At least I was calm & didn't cry(lol), it didn't degrade into a heated, hurtful shouting match, nor did I lose it & blurt out the whole ugly truth, so maybe there'll be another chance to talk to them. I'm actually amazed how calm I was.........
It sounds to me like you were overwhelmed by the fultility too & isn't it just like us to blame ourselves? We beat ourselves up enough, so we have to refuse to allow them to heap their WT load of guilt on us too! No thanks! Not believing those lies is FREEing! Never will we go back to those shackles --- and that's where's you'd be if you'd really wimped-out, so take heart!
I agree with JK & others who said you wisely chose not to tangle in this particular battle & remained calm & patient(not so easy sometimes!) & respectful/respectable. I think ya done real good A&W! You survived --- did I read 2 1/2 hours? My last 'skirmish' lasted 30 minutes! You're made of strong stuff! I understand your disapointment, because I felt like I didn't have the chance to completely say what I wanted without interuption or diversion. I feel I failed to defend my non-organisational stance. On one hand I think "why should I have to defend myself to them?" & on the other hand I want &/or need to make a "fine defense for my faith". After years of being comfortable just fading, I'm thinking of writing a letter. Maybe it's time for a snapped-tight, zipped, sealed, 'locked-in-a-lockbox' kind of closure for me.
On the bright side, at least now we're better equipped with fresh reminders that'll help us build solid answers, right? The war's not over & there will be other opportunities. Oh my!, I think I've been bangin' my head on that brick wall so long it's startin' to feel s-o-o-o-o g-o-o-o-o-d!!! I guess some fights are worth the potential scars; some are not --- everyone must make their own judgement call.
~only the best~
watkins
Thank you ONE and ALL for your encouraging words and support.
Funny, I have only met one of you face to face (noni) and I honestly feel closer to you all then I could ever feel with people I've known close to 30 years. Someone mentioned on another thread, being in a war zone, involved in different battles and coming away with different injuries, yet we have that war in common.
I believe that our scars bond us in a way that no one else could understand.
I am so grateful to have you all and this board. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
A&W:
the war zone/battle quote was mine... it just seemed so approps of comparison. I appreciate what you said about that bond that we have in common.
For when the smoke clears, I am glad we are still here for each other.
Snakes ()
Wow - I've come a long way in the last 3 years. I've met many of you face to face since I wrote this and count you among my closest friends. Just last week I met The Silence, SnakesInTheTower and Crazyblondeb when I went to Missouri for my niece's wedding. The love and support I've received from Ex-JW's is so much more real, more sincere and loving than anything I ever experienced from members of the cult.
For those of you who are only just discovering what the future holds, hang on tight. It may be a bumpy ride, but I'm here to tell you that there are true friends to be found here.
