Share something funny

by coffee_black 23 Replies latest social humour

• 

  coffee_black

  Lots of sad stuff going on lately... share a laugh here.

  A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob", where a small knob is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.
  
  Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful – she remained young looking and vibrant.
  
  After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. "All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results, but now I've developed two annoying problems. First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them."
  
  The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."
  
  She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee."

  Coffee
• 

  erynw

  Why don't sharks eat clowns?

  They taste funny.
• 

  erynw

  She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee."

  I don't get it.

  wait...

  Hee hee
• 

  REBORNAGAIN

  LINDA
• 

  BFD

  Thanks for the laugh, I needed that.

  Ok I suck at jokes but I'll tell one my little niece told me...

  Why is six afraid of seven?

  Because 7 ate 9.
• 

  REBORNAGAIN

  I put Spot remover on my dog, now he's gone!

  LINDA
• 

  erynw

  I invented the cordless extension cord.
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  BFD

  My buddy was driving through the desert in his Jeep and happened upon a large lever sticking out of the ground. He stopped and was immediately approached by a gigantic snake. The snake told him that his name was Nate and his job was to make sure no one touched the lever. The snake went on to explain that if someone were to move the lever it would be the end of the world.

  My buddy, more concerned that he just talked to a snake than the fact there is a world ending lever in the middle of the desert, left the snake to his job and drove to my house. I guess he needed confirmation he wasn’t crazy. He grabbed me and forced me into the Jeep. He was going on-and-on about something crazy in the desert. I went with him so he would just quit rambling.

  By the time we got back out in the middle of nowhere I had figured out that there is a big lever that controls the fate of the world, and a snake named Nate put in charge of keeping us all safe. As we got closer to the area where he said the lever was, he starts freaking out again. The brakes on the Jeep are gone. We barreled around the corner out of control and were headed straight for the lever. At the last second my buddy jerks the wheel and plows over the snake, narrowly missing the lever.

  As we rolled to a stop, I looked over at my buddy and said...

  Better Nate than lever.
• 

  RisingEagle

  One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup.
  Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin. "Bubba, where'd you git that truck?!?"
  
  "Tammie give it to me" Bubba replied.
  "She give it to ya? I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?"
  
  "Well, Jimmy Jones, let me tell you what happened. We wuz drivin' out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowheres. Tammie pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, 'Bubba, take whatever you want.' So I took the truck! "
  
  "Bubba, yore a smart man! Them clothes woulda never fit you!"
• 

  erynw

  A man walks into a pet store to buy a parrot for his wife for christmas. The man asks tha store owner if he had any talking parrots.

  The pet owner says, well, sorta, I got this here singing parrot. His name is Chet. He sing two christmas carols, but I'm not sure as I should be a sellin' him to ya.

  The man says, why not sell him to me? What's the catch?

  The pet owner says, well, to git him to singin' you have to hold a lighter under his legs. I don't want him to get hurt or nothin'.

  The man says, I think this is perfect, how does it work?

  So the pet shop owner holds a lighter under the bird's left leg and he starts singing jingle bells.

  The man is very impressed. He really wants to buy this bird for his wife. So, what does he sing if you put the lighter under his right leg?

  The pet shop owner holds the lighter under the bird's right leg and he starts singing Rudolph the red nosed reindeer.

  The man is convinced. He is buying this bird. So, just out of curiosity, what does he sing if you put the lighter between his legs.

  With a heavy sigh, the pet shop owner places the lighter between the bird's legs and he sings.......

  Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire.