by oompa 16 Replies latest jw friends
My ex has very little to do with three of our four children. (the ones who rejected the Watchtower)
It hurt them when they were younger but I kept reminding them "Just because your father doesn't love you the way you want him to, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you" ~ It must have worked because these three are emotionally healthy and doing well with life. They can even laugh about their dad's ignorance.
My son was also DF'ed and I never shunned him, ever! I even told his dad if he wanted to refuse his own flesh and blood into our house HE could pack his bags and leave because that is my son and he stays! Good grief he was barely able to be on his own and his dad wanted to take the hard line, no way 'jose not in my house!
Once my Mother (die-hard Dub) was at our house visiting when my son came home, he didn't see his Grandmother right away and just started eating something. She saw him in the kitchen and came and got me all worried about greeting him. I laughed and said "he's your Grandson not Satan the Devil, go give him a hug everyone can use a hug." Oh man she about peed her pants! That was the last time she came over without clearing it first that he wouldn't be there.......I got sick of her doing that and told her my son is always welcomed in my home and if she had a problem with seeing him there we had best always go to her house there she can control who comes in and who doesn't.
Honestly my son being DF'ed was the best thing that happened to our family, it opened all of our eyes to the hateful ways of the WTS. We are all out except for my Mom and his Dad and a few distant relatives.
I hope time mends the rift in your family it did in ours now nearly 12 years later they quit expecting my son to ever be a part of the WTS again. Now I just wish they would give up on me!
My wife has been told, in no uncertain terms, that if she ever shuns our grandchildren because they join, then leave, her religion, the shit is really going to hit the fan.
Cheers
Chris
You have two sons that love you and like to be with you. YOU raised them. You love them, they love you. You did your job, and you continue to love them like a dad should. You are no hero here, you are doing what dads-MEN are supposed to do. I am sorry your dad doesn't have the same joy in his family as you do. You are right to be ashamed of him. I hope, and think, he is a little ashamed of himself underneath the smug self righteousness of his dubdom.
Your wife sure has some mixed emotions-her theocratic mind is messing with her mothers heart. I hope the mama part of her wins over.
You have a far greater responsibility to your son than your father. Pick a side for a while (pick your son...). Show dad what it's like to be cut off.
Obviously, don't tell him that's what you're doing. Just make him be the one to maintain contact, and make it hard work for him.
That sounds so hard to take, my parents embaress me often but not like that. I have no kids but my parents judgemental attitude towards others is horrible and I hate it.
They cannot understand that we all have a right to believe whatever we want to and it's our choice not theirs.
I do not accept the constructs of the WTs and never will again, How dare they treat people so, where's the Love?
SHun your Dad for a while. Lay down the rules of your life to everyone around you. Live by your rules, do not let others rule you.
All the best. And hope you're feeling better.
