FORGIVENESS

by tula 32 Replies latest watchtower bible

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  Scully

  Forgiveness should never be "obligatory".

  It would all depend on the circumstances whether I make a choice to extend forgiveness to someone. If, as you mentioned, they show no remorse and don't even seem to comprehend how their actions were so seriously harmful to you, and they are only interested in having you forgive them so they can re-abuse you all over again, then NO, I do not feel that would be a healthy way to extend forgiveness.

  Forgiveness is a gift I give to myself, not necessarily to the person who wronged me in the first place. It is giving myself permission to let go of that incident and to move forward and stop allowing the incident to be a focal point of my existence.

  I really don't feel any compulsion to contact people who have harmed me and let them know that I'm not allowing their abuse to consume my energy any longer. The fact that they are not in my life anymore and make no effort to have them there is their loss, not mine. It is a consequence of their choice to deal with me the way they did.
• 

  dust

  Forgiving is not the same as forgetting. To forgive is to not hold something against someone. It is to say that "you don't have to pay your debt, it's OK, relax".
  
  Forgiveness is a gift. It can't be bought. If the debt needs to be repaid or recompensed before one forgives, then it isn't forgiveness, as forgiveness implies (as I just said) that the debt doesn't have to be paid. Noone "deserves" to be forgiven. That's why noone can demand to be forgiven, but sure they can ask for it if they want to. To say "forgive me" means "please, don't ask me to repay my debt".
  
  However, if asking for forgiveness is a CONDITION that has to be fulfilled before being forgiven, then forgiveness actually becomes something that one buys or that one receives because one deserves it. This kind of forgiveness would be to demand repayment, and "forgiveness" becomes only a receipt for repaid debt.
• 

  AWAKE&WATCHING

  Forgiving allows you to let go and move on.

  Sometimes we can be so consumed by holding onto what could have been that we miss what could be.

  Good topic and some very good points made.

  I think Don Henley's song says it all as far as a lost love goes.
• 

  jgnat

  As a former battered wife, and participant in a long-standing divorce group, I'm sensitive to this issue. Too often abusers and con-artists misuse "forgiveness" to absolve themselves of responsibility. These days I am partial to the Jewish formula of repentance and restoration, also bible-based.

  http://www.crosscurrents.org/blumenthal.htm

  Now, as far as the idea that forgiveness is required of the believer so that they can be fully healed, I only go so far. It is no good to be bitter over past offences, or to hang on to those old memories like a talisman. Those injustices did happen, and the lessons learned must not be forgotten. It is possible to release those old tormenters in our minds, secure that we are the "victors" by having the flexibilty of soul to move on. I'm now old enough to witness what life has done for my tormentor. It has not treated him well. He's not a monster any more, only a shrivelled human being. Why waste any more time wishing him evil? His own life is his reward.
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  feelinsketchy

  Please forgive me, I don't mean to hijack this thread. But a supplementary question I' ve been wrestling with is this.

  After extending forgiveness, where do you go? For example let's say someone, perhaps a sibling, did such serious damage to your relationship, that there is nothing left? After forgiving the offender there is no more trust left between you to even share a recipe. What do you do then?
• 

  tula

  to feelinsketchy....

  I think Scully answered your question, maybe. This is what she said:

  I really don't feel any compulsion to contact people who have harmed me and let them know that I'm not allowing their abuse to consume my energy any longer. The fact that they are not in my life anymore and make no effort to have them there is their loss, not mine. It is a consequence of their choice to deal with me the way they did.

  what do you think?
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  Happy Harvester

  Sometimes people grow and change and sometimes they don't. Forgiveness is growth. Forgetting is denial, and denial would get in the way of growth and letting go. Accepting what is/was without judgement is no natural task, at least not for those trained to do otherwise.
• 

  chelsea

  My mother and father had an affair. My mother and her husband divorced but my father and his wife stayed together. His wife would not forgive him but she wouldn't let him go either. Instead she chose to "keep" him so that she could treat him badly for the rest of his life. She abused him emotionally, mentally and physically until his death. What she clearly didn't understand was that in torturing him she was torturing HERSELF. Not only did she remind herself daily that she had been cheated on, but she denied herself the freedom to heal and move on. In the absence of forgiveness all she had was the desire to inflict pain. But inflicting pain on someone you love or once loved is painful. So she created her own world of pain because she refused to forgive him.
• 

  Hortensia

  I've always thought forgiving was rather godlike and I'm not god. I'm not into forgiving, and I'm not into revenge either. I agree with jgnat (I usually do) - I think you can get over anger and betrayal and grief and loss - and then move on. But as far as forgiveness goes, I don't dispense it like some kind of pope. And as far as being sorry goes, people feel they can say they are sorry over and over but never have to change the behavior. The proof of repentance is if you don't do that again, whatever it was you shouldn't have done. Also, folks who are into apologizing and being forgiven, no matter what they've done, need to look at the issue of trust. The damage they do destroys trust. To rebuild trust might be impossible. So if someone injures me, I don't really want to hear "I'm sorry." I want to hear "I'm sorry I caused so much damage. What can I do to fix it? I will never do it again." And I won't believe that until I see it in action.
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  niz

  IS EVERYBODY ON THIS SITE DEVOID OF ANY BIBLICAL KNOWLEDGE, I FEEL SORRY FOR FOR YOU. NOWHERE DOES IT SAY TO FORGET , THATS IMPOSSIBLE, TO FORGIVE IS WHAT WE WERE COMMANDED TO DO. ITS ONE PART OF THE FRUITAGE OF THE SPIRIT FORGIVENESS OF A IMPERFECT PERSONS PERSONALITY, ATTITUDE, ACTIONS, WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES AT TIMES AND ARE IMPERFECT, WE NEED TO FORGIVE EACH OTHER FREELY SO THERE IS LOVE AMONG US, ONLY JEHOVAH CAN FORGET OR SINS, WHICH HE DOES AND DOES NOT BRING IT BACK TO HIS MIND AS LOND AS WE REPENT OF THEM, YOU PEOPLE BETTER LEARN SOMETHING BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH. TO EVERYONE OUT THERE, IT SAYS IN THE BIBLE THAT THE TOUNGE IS MANS GREATEST ENEMEY ,YOU ALL PROVE THAT! YOUR SREWINGING YOURSELVES BETTER SHUT UP NOW!