As a Fader Does Some of your Family Shun You , Even though not DFed ?

by flipper 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • flipper
    flipper

    Thanks folks for all the great, nice, kind hearted responses. You are true friends. It is very much appreciated. I will reply.

    OOMPA- If I lived in your area , I'd play golf with you buddy. Maybe we'll meet sometime and do that ! Sorry to hear many don't call. Same in my situation. My parents are nice and supportive though, they don't work against me, it's the ex wife who as a parent figure to my girls she seems to have always been in competition with me for my kids affections. I never looked at raising kids that way, but she did. I thought raising kids was supposed to be a partnership together . But it was always a competition with the ex wife of getting the kids affection. Insecure woman she was and is. Good advice from you on gradually showing my girls stuff though , while being loving still. Thanks, peace bro.

    HUBERT- Thanks for the kind words. I too hope my girls take the watchtower blinders off in time. Or even that perhaps their fanatical JW mom will slip up and be overly intrusive in their lives as she was in my life, and offend them in some way where they will see the true darkness of the cult. Not that I wish my daughters ill will, however I want them to see the injustice of the witnesses in action, so it will open their eyes hopefully. We shal see what happens in time.

    SNAKES- Hey buddy, how are ya ! I'd love to talk with you some more some time. Talked a little bit to you, but it would be good to talk more . Mom's are great aren't they ? My mom is the same way , she is cool, she'd never shun me. But, yes many stopped calling me too, like yourself. But like you, I would never close the door on them or allow it to make me go down to that level of shunning. It makes us no better if it affects us that way. So I just keep doing like you said and be loving to my girls, keep trying. Thanks for your take. Peace, bro !

    OTWO- I hope your wife gradually sees the light of your fading from the witnesses . You do a commendable job in kindly, gradually educating her. Hey guy, your mom will always support and love you. Most mom's do, I think. Unless they are real JW fanatics. Your suggestion at not letting others change us is good. We should be the same loving people we always were, not stooping to their level. I will try the postcard suggestion if the wife and I go out of town. And I will just be the same dad to the girls as if they weren't shunning me. Peace bro !

    PRIMITIVE GENIUS- WOW! Sorry to hear your family shuns you. How did you pull off not being ratted out by them attending a church and still remaining a fading witness ? I'd say that's a Houdini trick ! You are still fading ? I hope your son gets all the love he can from your great grandmother. She sounds loving and cool ! Thanks for your take ! Good luck to you in your circumstance !

    MAD TIGER- Glad to hear you are movin' on! There is always some drama leaving the witnesses , eh ? Keep hangin' in friend ! Thanks !

    ANNALICE- I truly feel for your situation too ! I cannot even fathom or imagine how hurtful it was for your husband or you to not have his parents there at your newborn's birth. The witnesses view of humanity and human relations is cruel and dastardly , and unforgiveable . If something had gone wrong with your pregnancy and hadhappened to your little one , I wonder if your hubby's parents would have even had a twinge of concsience over it ? Sounds like they need extreme SENSITIVITY TRAINING . Hope you and hubby can get a measure of peace friend.

    BEREAN- Yeah, it is weird when you stop going to meetings. They feel you turn into a demon and are " bad association ", when in actuality, you are still the same person . Probably better ! Once you stop allowing your mind to be controlled by them, they diss you. Once you give your mind back to them, miracle !, it's magic !, all of a sudden they accept you with open arms ! Well, they won't get control of my mind again !

    SSPO- I'm glad to hear your daughters call you. Thanks for the good advice ! I'll just keep calling them and see what happens. Good point you made about the divorce though. Yes, even though it was 9 years ago, it still might hurt them a lot. Something to think about. And , yes the JW wife does influence them ! Glad my 22 year old son got out 4 years ago too, we are very close ! Thanks SSPO. And thanks to all for your takes, experiences and advice! It isreally appreciated . Keep it coming, I'm all ears and will respond to everyone ! Peace out, to all, Mr. Flipper

  • flipper
    flipper

    I thought I'd bump this thread up to see if any more of you are going through these scenarios , as I was a bit surprised it only got 11 responses . Are there more of you that have gone through this, but maybe just don't want to talk about it? I understand that, but I was thinking if some of us would open up with our experiemces in this, it just might help some newbies who are going or have been through this shunning garbage , it will help them get through it too. So, think about it folks . Hope to hear from you ! Peace out to you, Mr. Flipper

  • Bobbi
    Bobbi

    My thought is,

    Try to remember your girls are still young. At 19/20 I was a rotten self centered, "richeous over much" little brat. Give them time to mature and continue to call and tell them you love them. They will come around.

    Eventually either they will see the Borg for the cold hearted place it is or they will anger mommy dearest and she will drive them straight back into your open arms.

    Sounds like she used and is continuing to use them as a weapon against you.

    Hang in there, you are doing great.


    Bobbi

  • flipper
    flipper

    Thanks Bobbi, I appreciate that advice. Good advice ! Yes, their mom has used them as pawns in our year by year chess game of which parent will get the girls affection. I don't play that control game as you see, and I agree with your point , that in time, mommie dearest will mess up and drive my girls back to me ! I just have to be a loving cool dad, and be patient for that time to come . Sometimes it is hard to be patient, but I know you are right, it's the right course to take. I will. Thanks, Mr. Flipper

  • oompa
    oompa
    Flipper: And that's it. No calls, no nothing back. I have discussed this in private with a good friend on the board and have implemented some good things he advised me to do, so we shall see what happens ! So, does anybody have a similar situation ? Do you have any good advice for me ?

    Hey Flipper, I forgot the advice part! I like what you have done with the calls, but I would send some cards/letters. With the right words/photos in their actual hands, it is hard not to read something once, twice (then it gets good), thrice (now you have them)....at least that is what I have done when receiving some things.

    Also, you two are no doubt a great couple! I have a feeling over time.................they will come around some. After all, how could they resist right???......oompa

  • Maddie
    Maddie

    I don't think you are the only one that is shunned even though you are not df'd. Some JW's think it is the right thing to do because of the "bad association" thing. It is totally unscriptural but seems to be practised any way.

    I pray that your daughters have a change of heart as we all hope for with our loved ones.

    Maddie

  • Dagney
    Dagney

    Hi Mr. Flipper!

    I'm not DF'd or DA'd and I'm shunned by my JW family. They've never asked me anything...I know they don't want to know.

    Uzzah shared his experience when his dad was DF'd and he was a loyal JW that might help you as a father. I thought his dad was really wise in how he handled it. So you might contact him to get the details; my mind is a little fuzzy from that Toronto trip!

  • flipper
    flipper

    OOMPA- Good advice, OOMpa. I will send some letters or cards with camping pictures of me, my wife and their brother . Maybe it will make my daughters wistful a bit more for the curtailed relationship. Thanks.

    MADDIE- Yeah, I was thinking they view me as bad association, hopefully they will have a change of heart. I hope your situation improves too ! Thanks !

    DAGNEY- I will have to check with Uzzah and see how he and his dad handled it . Sorry you go through this stuff too

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