by BIG D 27 Replies latest jw friends
BUT I WENT TO MY SONS GAME AND WHEN THE ANTHEM CAME ON, I WOULDNT PUT MY HAND ON MY HEART, AND THEN LOOKED AROUND TO SEE IF ANYONE SAW ME, WHEN WILL THESE GUILTY FEELINGS GO AWAY?
What's to feel guilty about not putting your hand over your heart for a mind numbing national anthem? Perhaps as you get farther out of government and JW mind control, you will feel better.
it is just old tapes - when you start to feel guilty ask yourself why. Most of the time it has nothing to do with reality, just old training. Try doing some things you would never do as a JW - for instance, what are you doing for Thanksgiving? What special Christmas traditions are you and your boys going to create? Can you sing the national anthem? I can't, but I like to try just for the fun of it.
Katie kitten has got it right about the anthem, IMHO
I think there's as much pressure and guilt to do the national anthem thing from non JW's as there is not to do it from JW's.
Having said that, I very recently attended an International Game. They played both anthems at the start . Over here we just stand respectfully. I stood with the others.(After checking that the TV camera was not looking my way!) Even as a dub I had reasoned that it was just showing respect, for both the visiting team and our Government rulers - is that not what The Bible says to do?
As for feeling guilty? it has taken me a long time to get this far. You cannot dispel the conditioning just like turning off the light bulb. Relax and give it time , it will fade
Welcome to the Board
I too has born, raised and lived "in" all my life. I know how you feel.
Just remember to be true to yourself. Just because you're "out" doesn't mean you have to do the exact opposite of what you did as a witness.
If something makes you feel uncomfortable, don't do it. No need to explain, no need to think about it too much or let it trouble you.
It gets better, I promise.
changeling
thanks for the help, i meant flag, not anthem, but you know what i mean, big d
It will just take a little more time. It is difficult at first, but it will get better. The first year after I quit, my birthday came up and I asked my coworkers to take me to lunch, not to do the cake and sing happy birthday. The second year and beyond, I told them I wanted the works, and they delivered. It is so much fun every year. And I enjoy giving them great birthday celebrations also. Also, during that first year, I wanted to buy a Christmas tree, so I bought a little 24 inch tree. Well the second year, I went out and bought a seven-foot tree! Oh, and now I sing the national anthem and say the pledge of allegiance with pride.
My family are still JWs, but as I learned more and more how Brooklyn is so deceitful and controling, I realized they never had the right to tell anyone what they should and shouldn't believe or participate in. It also helps when I see my son having so much fun enjoying things that should have never been taken away from him in the first place.
Hi Big D and welcome. Mmm, I don't think I can answer your question, but it may help to know that I have observed that it happens for just about everybody eventually. I don't feel guilty anymore, I think what it took to get rid of that was discovering a lot of ugly truths about this thing I thought was my faith.
It gets a little better every time you remind yourself of all the lies you've been told and all the lives that the WTS has ruined.
But that tack, I found, only works well in the beginning when you're newly out because if you get stuck there in the 'bitterness' phase, then that can poison your life too.
Better yet, think of it this way perhaps. . .
It gets a little better every time you remind yourself that you have a choice and you can be free- you really can get rid of the guilt and find a new life for yourself even if you were raised from childhood with WTS programming (I was- WTS goes back to my great-grandparents in my family.) The are working on the fifth generation now in my family of 'loyal' jw's. . .but I'll tell you what, my kid won't be a part of that. Because this link in the fourt-generation chain broke free and is never going back.
Choose freedom- choose what feels right to your heart- and keep moving forward. And keep talking about it until you feel you've nothing left to say. . .it really does help. Guilt is a tool of control. Don't let it weigh you down. JW's mess up people's sense of guilt by making it hyper sensitive- guilt is supposed to prevent us from doing things like killing people and other horrible acts. It's not supposed to keep us such prisoners in our own heads that we cannot live because no matter what we do, we feel we're doing it wrong.
I wish you more peace in your heart every day as time goes on- time does help if you use it wisely.
hugs
essie
