Update on my life =( (page 2)

pseudoxristos

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

She sounds kind of like my ex-wife, only worse.

I finally realized that it was not my job to make my ex-wife happy. She had issues that could not be resolved no matter how understanding, loving, kind or forgiving I was.

There comes a point when you realize that a persons basic behaviour usually can not be changed. You really need to let go and move on. If you are having trouble coping, perhaps you should consider counseling.

I've since re-married, and it's amazing how much happier I am now that I have a loving and caring wife that doesn't demand that I'm the one responsible for her happiness. I was miserable in my first marriage and didn't really know it until after the fact.

Things do get better, sometimes much better than you can even imagine at this point.

pseudo

nvrgnbk

You don't need another person to make you happy.

You need another person to share your happiness with.

Good luck!

mkr32208

WOW. No one (as far as I know) on this board is qualified to answer this. We're no more therapist than the elders are. Even is someone on this board WAS a therapist you've told us just enough to highlight one thing. You need extensive professional help. Seriously find a GOOD therapist that you can talk too maybe see if you can get another shot at that good job cross county and work on getting back on your feet.

For those offering advice. We have someone so distraught that they were actually so suicidal they were baker acted (that's what it's called here in FL I dunno what is called else where) please don't offer advice. The best sounding most sane seeming advice might be exactly the WRONG thing to say. Please leave this one to professionals. Offer support, hugs. love, all that but PLEASE stop with the "kick her ass to the curb" type therapy... If it's just someone bitching I'm right there with you for the most part but this is not the case here. How will you feel if one day you find out your funny comment or advice drove someone to finish it?

roflcopter

Some of you highlighted that you think she has some serious issue's from the past. This is very true. When she was 16 her older sister became permanently brain damages. As a result not only did she lose her sister but she essentially lost her mom too as she took care of her sis full time.

She was forced to drop out of school and work full time to help support their family.

She also grew up in an abusive household, former alcoholic father who hit her when she was little.

She was almost raped at knifepoint by an old boyfriend once.

Yes there are several issue's. And looking back at it all I wonder if maybe this is somehow her trying to relive her childhood. Because this young kid is just that... a YOUNG kid who lives with his dad. They both act like little children together, no concept of reality... I guess after the insane fun and newness of our marriage cooled down and it just became a normal living it wasnt fun and adventurous any more =(

Uggh.... It's so fresh though, and it still hurts very much that someone could throw out EVERYTHING in their life and move half-way across the country. You may say she is nuts... and I agree she is nuts.... but thats the nut I married and learned to love. =/

bikerchic

Uggh.... It's so fresh though, and it still hurts very much that someone could throw out EVERYTHING in their life and move half-way across the country. You may say she is nuts... and I agree she is nuts.... but thats the nut I married and learned to love. =/

Jason of course it hurts to be cheated on and let down by some one you love. It will hurt for a while but you will get over the hurt believe me. I guess what really scares me about this is that you want to be married to someone so fractured. Kiddo you really need to recognize the part of you that thinks this is all okay or you will repeat this again and again.

If you choose to ignore your own sick self and not get professional help, please get a vasectomy so you don't ruin any children's lives by picking a crapy Mom for them. Seriously, children deserve better even if think you don't.

bikerchic

For those offering advice. We have someone so distraught that they were actually so suicidal they were baker acted (that's what it's called here in FL I dunno what is called else where) please don't offer advice. The best sounding most sane seeming advice might be exactly the WRONG thing to say. Please leave this one to professionals. Offer support, hugs. love, all that but PLEASE stop with the "kick her ass to the curb" type therapy... If it's just someone bitching I'm right there with you for the most part but this is not the case here. How will you feel if one day you find out your funny comment or advice drove someone to finish it?

mkr32208

I know you are very concerned as am I but I will tell you what not just one but several Psychiatrists told me regarding suicide and those mentally ill people who are suicidal; there is nothing you can do or say which will cause them to harm themselves and if they did it would not be your fault, no one is that powerful to out-will a mentally ill person who has already made a choice. What you can do is keep them safe from harm and call a professional to get them help. Always take suicide and the talk of it serious.

Warlock

Just be glad she has shown herself for what she is while YOU are still young.

It looks like it is going to take years of professional therapy to help her.

You gave her more than one chance and I think you owe it to yourself to leave her be and find someone who is mentally stable.

Warlock

sass_my_frass

Dude I'm so sorry, I like your posts and I didn't know you're going through all this.

You know it's crazy to take advice from strangers who know only a few paragraphs from your story, but based on that alone, my opinion is that you CAN do MUCH better. You know that you have to let her go.

You're young, smart and you seem like fun. You've got a bad patch ahead, but keep telling yourself that you'll get through. The one day you'll realise you are.

sweetstuff

My advice...for what its worth, I was married to someone with mental health issues, who cheated, was an alkie, etc. I tried so hard to make it work, I really did love him or so I thought. Eight years later I realized something very simple but true, never settle for less than you give. If you give love, devotion, fidelity, support, EXPECT it back, or leave.

Your wife cannot love you, she doesn't know what the word means. Love to her is some "high" as another poster mentioned, not a mature meeting of the mind and heart. RUN like the wind my friend. You have invested 4 years, it could be MUCH worse, you have no children with her, nothing to tie you to her. As hurtful as her actions are, and believe me, I do "get it", she has done you the greatest favor possible in a perverse way. She's shown her true colors early on.

Seek some professional help, heal and move on. I don't think you really love her, but feel perhaps co-dependant with her. You aren't sure what to do, or where to turn now that what you accepted as your foundation has disappeared. Accepting that what you thought would last forever is gone is an extremely difficult wall to face, but without doing it, you will just keep yourself dependant on her for making your life worthwhile or miserable. Don't give her that power, she has NOT earned it.

You cannot change her, you cannot save her from herself. Save YOU! ((((HUGS))))

JK666

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((rofl)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

God,

I just got through rehashing a situation like this with another JWD on the phone last night! It was the wife of my youth too (#1). It hurts me to read your post, because I have felt what you feel.

One thing I DID find out, is that a leopard never changes their spots. She will do the same thing over and over to other victims.

If you would like to talk, PM me your phone number.

Just remember: YOU DESERVE BETTER!

JK

Update on my life =(

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