Wait a minute, hasn't recent research shown that Trevor wrote that and not Shakespeare? W.Once
I HAVE MADE A DECISION TO LEAVE
by Maddie 41 Replies latest jw friends
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flipper
MADDIE- Mr. Flipper here. As others have said, you have to do what makes you feel at ease and what is the best decision for you and your life. Just try to convey to your son and his family you love them, and show the same love and concern as if you were still a witness. Personally for me, with a lot of relatives still witnesses, the fading situation works best, like Delilah said, but everyone's circumstance is different. I wish you peace and just know, with whatever decision you make, we here on this board are your friends and we care . Peace to you, Mr. Flipper
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Maddie
TO ALL POSTER FRIENDS
Your replies are so helpful and reassuring to me. I can't see another way for me to be able to go forward with my life. I really hope that my dear son will start questioning for himself the reasons why I am doing this. He knows how much he and my little grand-daughter mean to me and that I wouldn't do this unless I had very strong convictions that the WT wasn't the "truth".
Maddie
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blueviceroy
Good job Maddie Being who you are is the only truth we have so don't feel as if you are wrong, that has nothing to do with it.
Our own truth , the truth within each of us is a blessing and our birthright, and so often others convince us to forsake what we are and replace the truth our creator put in us with a delusion and suffering
Untill we know the depth of our own soul we know knothing and can not know anything. Fly free and may your spirit grow to know the real truth.
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Eliveleth
Dearest Maddie,
My heart goes out to you. Been there, done that. I faded for several months, my husband stayed. After about a year, he started seeing what I had already seen and he started fading too. Because he had been an elder, they called us to a Judicial Committee about 3 months after he started missing meetings. Several of our dear "friends" started reporting our doubts to the elders
After we were disfellowshipped as "apostates" for disagreeing with several of their doctrines, I wrote letters to all of the ones in the congregation and to my son and sister who were still JWs. I wish I had had the foresight to have written before. People will read it if you are not disfellowshipped. I am not sure how many read my letter. You need to tell your son and granddaughter how much you love them and that you have not changed in that area. All you have changed in is not believing all the things the WT is teaching. They immediately begin to think you have changed and no longer love them, because you are portrayed as not loving and believing in God. When we talked to my niece about leaving she said: "Please don't leave, that would destroy your relationship with my mom and dad, couldn't you just go to the meetings and not believe?" I, like you, having strong convictions about integrity, could not. I totally understand how you are feeling. Your are being torn by your love for your son and your need to be true to yourself. I would get sick to my stomache when I would go to the meetings. My real "last straw" came when the WT published their article on "Apostates" sometime in early 1983, January, as I recall. I could feel actual hatred in some of the answers that were given in the congregation that day. I recall one elder making the comment that some in Bethel were actually "reading the Bible together in groups in their rooms", as if there were reading "porn".
We were disfellowshipped on Christmas Eve, 1983. Since then I have had two great-grandchildren that I have never seen, actually 4 if you count my stepdaughter. My son occasionally will email me with some "family business" that he thinks I should know, like his change of address, but he failed to inform us of a heart attack he had. I had to learn that through the grapevine, my sister told my daughter. It is hard!!! But I have real peace of mind knowing that I am doing what is right for me.
You can depend on something good coming out of this. Romans 8:28 has been "my" scripture since leaving the WT. If we trust God, let Him be Lord of our life, something good comes from "EVERYTHING" that happens. I have found this to be experientially true! Things that we see as "bad" often turn out to be the best thing that could have happened. Too often when people leave the WT they throw out all the good things they have learned from the Bible. I believe the Bible is true, it is only the WT interpretations that are not. God is real, the way the WT portrays Him is not.
God is real, He loves us. Jesus died for us and He promises us everlasting life if we believe. That has not changed. As you read, ask for Holy Spirit to guide you. He is the only one who can interpret God's Word and He will. You do not have to be of a special "class". God loves the "world" of mankind, not just a small part of it.
I like Country Girls illustration. This is so true. We have perceptions, others have perceptions, but that is all they are. Not reality. God sees you as righteous, because of Jesus. He loves you. He wants you to succeed. My years in the WT taught me a lot. How to study the Bible (all you have to do is not look up everything in the WT to tell you what to believe) Perseverance and courage (going from door to door was a big stretch for me, I got physically ill each and every time I had to do it and I did it for over 40 years) God made all of that work for my good and I thank Him for allowing me to be there. I would never had met my husband if I had not been a witness. Look back at the good things, don't dwell on the bad. I do not regret the years I spent there.
When we left, I expected that churches would be different than the WT. They are, in the sense that they will not disfellowship you if you decide to leave or not believe all they preach. Religion is just rules put to Christianity. Don't expect more than that. Churches are a place to fellowship with other Christians, not one of them is the "Truth". THE TRUTH IS JESUS. John 14:6. I will be praying that you find a comfortable place in God. Let Him handle your cares. It is a much better life, if you do. I have been in both places. This is our website in case you wish to go. www.geocities.com/veliveleth The greatest thing I have learned since leaving the WT is to love people unconditionally, accept them for who they are and to not have expectations.
May God bless you in your leaving and give you peace and joy in your decision.
Love and hugs,
Velta
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RollerDave
Maddie,
There is nothing selfish in wresting your conscience back from those who have seized it, yet cannot stand next to you before your maker.
You have to do what you feel is right, and if in the balance you feel that fading is not for you, then nobody can judge you.
In fact, I admire your strength, and wish you well in whatever course you choose.
RD
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dawg
Maddie-it may not work for you but the rare times I've gotten through was when i gave one of my staunch cousins the Bible and told him to show me where it says that questioning men was apostacy... I would'nt let that go, wouldn't let him change the course of the conversation... this dogma, unique to the witneses as far as i know, isn't Bibical... Period!
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JWdaughter
Good for you! Sometimes you have to rip off the bandaid and live with the pain. I know this will be hard and have some repurcussions, but freedom has a price, and I think every former prisoner would agree it is a price worth paying.
Read Charles (DAWG's) post on his family reunion. He will give you courage. I hope we can all encourage you.
No more looking over your shoulder:) --------Shelly
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LisaRose
I think you have made the right decision for yourself. It is hard knowing that your son may cut off contact with you, but you have a right to live your life in your own way, as does he. I also recomend you send a letter before to tell him about this, assure him you love him and always will, but that you cannot live a lie.
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changeling
You do whatever is best for you. We will be here to support you.
changeling