feelings of guilt

by confused and lost 31 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Lady Liberty

  Dear Confused and lost,

  My heart truely goes out to you, because I know exactly how you are feeling. It is a inner turmoil. I found solice in prayer. I knew Jehovah knew I was sincere, just as he knows you are. He knew I was scared, he knew I wanted to find the truth to all of it, even if it meant the truth was what I had been raised to believe it was. Rather then praying for it to be the truth, or for it not to be the truth, I prayed for truth no matter what it was. I prayed for holy spirit to direct me, and to make sure of all things. By doing this, I became even more determined to research and get to the bottom of it.

  One thing that I did that I to this day still try to practice, is not to take anyones word for my research. Instead of believing everything I heard, I wanted proof, copies or scans of articles if I didn't have the bound volumn, websites, to see for myself ( such as the UN website regarding the Watchtower scandal. Also, the British museums website to find Chronicles regarding 607...etc..) I checked and double checked EVERYTHING. In time I realised how much we as Witnesses were being lied to. I knew how much Jehovah hates a liar, and Holy Spirit helped me to see what I needed to do. Things will become clearer. Just give it some time. Keep your relationship with Jehovah and Jesus close. They will NOT abandon you! And because you are sincere, and are seeking truth, they will help you find it no matter what it proves to be! (((HUGS)))!!!

  Hang in there!! We are here for you!!

  Sincerely,

  Lady Liberty
• 

  Sirona

  Hi Steve,

  Let me tell you what happened with me.

  I wrote to the society in NY. I included lots of my sincere questions and told them that I was having a crisis of faith - and it was true, I really was.

  Their reaction was to send the local elders to see me. These elders told me they hadn't read my letter. I asked them how they could help me if they hadn't read it....and therefore couldn't answer my questions. They said, they didn't want to know my questions, they just wanted to readjust me. When I raised some of the questions, many of which involved the ways they've altered their bible (NWT) they would not answer but just got angry with me and said I had the devil's reasoning.

  I eventually got a response from the Society but it just referred to their publications. The harder questions, they didn't even try to answer.

  All in all, when I left I realised what real spirituality is. Real spirituality doesn't mean going to meetings and putting in a field service report. Real spirituality is within, in faith, and in working out your own conscience. They say we can 't work out our own standards, that is so untrue! I live my life very well now and I don't do drugs or anything which will hurt myself or others.

  You will feel guilty. I used to feel so guilty for even asking questions. At the end of the day, if you choose to remain a JW, then fine, as long as you know it is the RIGHT THING FOR YOU.

  Many blessings,

  Sirona
• 

  WTWizard

  Be aware that feeling guilty is normal in this situation. Witlesses are programmed to feel guilty about seeking alternate viewpoints, and especially after the dreaded and famous Sept 2007 KM. You are doing something that they have repeatedly told you was wrong, and you will feel guilty for a while.

  However, that is an indication that your conscience is corrupt. How? The Watchtower Society has kept telling you not to check things out with outside sources. It takes time to work through this. Is it worth "searing your conscience" as the Tower repeatedly states, or are you actually turning off the fire alarm and ignoring the fire?

  Right from a few of their talks, we need to keep testing as to whether we are actually in the Truth. To do this, we have to verify it. But, if we limit ourselves to the Establishment (in this case, the Watchtower Society) and they are lying, we will never be able to give it a fair test. So, the rational thing to do is what they told us NOT to. Effectively, you will never be able to follow the commandment to test as to whether you have the truth unless you break that rule. Hence, the guilt is a false alarm and really should be "seared" in this case.

  What you need to do is look through this site. Check the links. Then check your search engine. Typing "Jehovah's Witnesses" into Google is going to have some interesting effects. I suggest skipping Watchtower.org since it is redundant with what you are already being taught. But, if you look through the other major ones (I suggest looking at least 3 pages deep), you are going to find hundreds of pages that are going to unveil the real truth about the Watchtower Society. And in doing so, you will be able to retrain your conscience to what actually is wrong. You will likely find that you were in the wrong for helping defraud others (in field service). On the other hand, you will find that there is nothing wrong with celebrating Christmas (see Luke 2:10-14 in the King James version as well as the NWT for verification).

  Check out those sites thoroughly. Also, read the book Crisis of Conscience. That too has some interesting dirt on the Watchtower Society and one man's effort to set things straight from the inside (the author was a Governing Body member). Then, you will need time to form new beliefs. You will have to decide whether you wish to pursue another religion (and I do recommend looking through them carefully before committing) or not. Ultimately, you will be able to make your conscience clean again by gathering as much information as possible and then integrating it all.
• 

  jgnat

  I think it is worthwhile spending some time thinking about what you really believe, rather than what you have memorized. Try exercising your mind and your critical thinking skills. Here are a few pointers that I use when I am presented with new information.

  • Is the writer/speaker using manipulative or emotional language to try and sway me?
  • Is that how it really works in application? Have I experienced good results when I tried it? (For example, "pray more, go to meetings more" is patently horrible advice for a depressed person)
  • Does the illustration really apply to my situation? What is different?
  • Am I being fed a long and involved explanation? What might be the simpler answer? (I find the most convoluted doctrines come from trying to reconcile different parts of the bible. The simpler solution is that some bible accounts cannot be reconciled. There are different authors, different messages)
  • Am I being warned from listening to those "other people", you know, the ones who cannot be trusted? (Granfalloning)

  Long walks outside observing nature helps. That, and playing with children and small animals. I think the more you connect with what is real, the fuzzy feelings will fade.

  http://freespace.virgin.net/derek.berger2/grandparents.html

  THERE IS NOTHING LIKE A GRANDMOTHER...
  (Written by 3rd graders)

  She let's you put your vegetables
  back in the pot
  if you don't want to eat them.

  She let's you have the the toys
  that your mother
  really didn't want you to have.

  A Grandmother is one who comes to football games
  and cheers when she doesn't know what is happening.

  My Grandmother gives me candy and money,
  my other Grandmother is just the same,
  only she gives me meatballs and ice cream.

  A Grandmother always thinks
  that you are going to
  get hurt playing football.

  A Grandmother says she has a very good memory,
  but she can't remember her age.

  Usually a Grandmother is fat,
  but not too fat to tie your shoes,
  they wear glasses and funny underwear.
  They can take their teeth and gums off.

  Grandmothers don't have to be smart,
  only answer questions like,
  "Why isn't God married?"
  and "How come dogs chase cats?"

  Everybody should have a Grandmother,
  especially if you don't have a television,
  because they are the only grown-ups who have time.
• 

  Outaservice

  Simply stated, the Organization runs on 'fear & guilt'! When followers find that out, the Society loses it's power over you and then you are free indeed.

  Outaservice
• 

  BIG D

  i am like you , doubting many things, i was an ms, father an elder, been in my whole life, all family too, i have children, i know many things arent right, out in service we are told to ask people to examine their faith, and then told not to question ours?

  we are always told to make sure of all things, i gave a public talk on that, and i wasnt! i know that that is a form of control, should not we search out the more serious matters of the truth, if it is?

  and why are we always told not to search out these things?

  we are always taught to feel guilty about questioning anything, and to listen to the slave, that is hyproticial.

  big d
• 

  CHILD

  I was baptized in 1988 at age of 22. The last time I went to a meeting was summer, 2006. I'd had doubts in the past, but persuaded myself to wait on Jehovah. Since I'd returned to college, everyone thought I was weak. I talked with the elders and said I was busy and planned on making the meetings. One day at work, I read the bible online. I noticed the scriptures didn't correlate with the scriptures in the NWT. I printed the scriptures and when I arrived home, compared them with my bible. That's when I really started doubting.

  As was stated, read Crisis of Conscience and start researching the history of the organization. Use the KJV or any version other than NWT. Pray for holy spirit to guide you on your quest. Tell no one of your suspicions.
• 

  jgnat

  A big welcome to the board, CHILD.
• 

  new boy

  Don't feel bad it took me 52 years to figure it out!

  Here a simple test for you. Go back to your KM stand at the back for a few minutes and go up and down the rows there, look at everyone who is sitting there...and ask yourself this question " Is this person look like a HAPPY person?"......If you look at their faces you will see the answer......and then ask the most important question.....are you a happy person seating there?......Of course they will tell you that your happiness is not important...

  After all they are NOT worshiping a happy God anyway ......They are worshipping a mad "pissed off" God who they think will be killing 999 people out of 1,000....soon.

  6 million Jws.... 6 Billion people on the earth....do the math my friend.
• 

  flipper

  Confused and Lost- Welcome to the board ! It is true it is scary at first when you find out you have been duped by the society. I felt that way at first a little. But it frees you to research and prove these things to yourself and find out the facts of what is really going on. I too would recommend reading the book " Crisis of Concsience " as it will explain to you what really goes on inside the governing body and Watchtower Society. Welcome my friend, we have empathy for you, we have all been where you are at now. Peace to you, look forward to more posts from you