I'm still up early hours in the morning, because i'. so upset with what my mum said to me on the phone today. She told me she got the sack a week ago because her boss didn't agree with my mum being a Jehovah's Witness and that she lets 'children die' because of the no blood rules. The first reaction was to call up the local newspaper and bitch about how the staff bullied and discriminated my mum for what she was. But as i start to think about it...it would never reach the papers, because Jehovah's Witness are regarded as scum. I love my mum to pieces and has a great personality. I just think whatever religion you are, you shouldn't get the sack because of it. My mum never preached about her believes, they only found out because of she didn't write her name on someones birthday card.
But it was this day, when i realised that i can never ever go back...i'm 23 now and i stopped going to the kingdom hall when i was 18. I realise that there was something wrong, when the conversation went like this
Mum: The brothers and sisters were dead supportive, maybe its a sign from god...maybe i shouldn't be working there and something better comes up...i'm not a loser
Me: Mum you are not a loser...i am disgusted that they sacked you because of your religion...that is wrong and you should complainhris.
Mum: Don't go ringing them up...i went to the assembly and i realise that god will help me
Me: Mum you thought god blessed you for getting that job in the first place...mum i love you so much...but in the future please don't say who you are...people are really funny about religion these days it's best to keep it shut
Mum: There are plenty of jobs who will accept them for who i am
Me: Even Christians get bollocked these days
Mum: Well it's what i believe in...i love you
Me: I love you too.
Mum was over the moon to get that job, i feel that Jehovah's Witnesses has wrecked her life...how many times has she lost her job because of her religion! Mum needs to get out but i don't know what to do about it. Mum is special and unlike many Jehovahs Witness parents she always stood by me whatever people in the congregation said. for example i remember when one of the kids called me a bastard and my mum banged on the sister's door yelling
Mum: "Oye, your brat of a daughter called my kid a bastard"
Sister: I beg your pardon, my daughter will not use such language...and i am shocked you used it too
my mum always let me hang around "worldly" kids and invite them over, she always told me that i have choices. I eventually told my mum that i don't want to go to the meetings anymore because i didn't like the fact that the kids my age was leading a double life. People would always judge us, and praise the kids that are doing wrong(well they are the elders kids afterall) Mum said
Mum: I love you no matter what, if you rather not go, i'm not going to force you, if you go back i will be happy. But i'm always happy with what i do because i love you.
Even when i told her that i lost my virginity, mum said "just make sure you wear protection"
I just think being a Jehovah's witness is not for mum, but she is clinging onto it because she wants to see grandma and grandad again. They were a big part of her life, when they died she was tramatized, then she got raped, then her best-friend died. But all throughout her 12 years as a witness all she's suffered is abuse from other brothers sister. Mum had a breakdown at the Kingdom hall once...it was scary, one of the sisters accused her of being weak and wanted to chuck water at her. Others wanted me to go home with them, but i wanted to stay with my mum. Some was supportive but still. Mum stopped going for a a few years but felt she needed to go back. Mum always stops and starts, and i think her depression is down to being a witness because she's constantly has to prove herself all the time.
Mum always keeps barking on about how they are hypocrites, liars...and always come out with
"I know loads of thing about them...i can ruin the reputation if i was a bitch"
I wish i knew how to free my mum...my mum is a strong person. And what Jehovah's witness mum sings along to Muse "Apolocayspe now" anyway???
You've got to strip away your old personality as one of the scriptures said...yeah...they've bloody done that for sure!!!
sorry for long post...but i needed to get it all off my chest