What can we learn from the recent upheavals on the board

Lady Lee

I had this this in my head and even had it typed out but didn't post it but I see some still need to talk about the Trevor saga on the board.

I was reading some of the initial threads where many people posted how they felt about what Trevor had done. People used the words; anger, shock, disbelief, hurt, sickened, duped, suckered, creeped out, confused, stupid, and betrayed.

Given the situation those are all perfectly normal responses. It isn't easy when we find out we have been lied to. Many of you got quite involved in the storyline, made online friends with Trevor's characters. Linda was a "real person" that you talked to online. You cheered the relationship, you prayed for Linda, you mourned her death. And then you found out the real truth. The timing of exposure of Trevor's fraud was I think doubly hard because it was on the heels of learning "Linda" had died. So one high emotional state was stacked on top of another. Emotional responses had to be magnified.

It is so easy for us to take the blame for not seeing through the lies. The words stupid, and naive show that some people took this as a failure on their part to have not seen through the lies

What they don't realize is that a con man grooms his victims over time, slowly building trust before his "game" starts. He slowly feeds them the information he thinks is needed at that time. He also has to work really hard to make sure no one discovers the con. The more complicated the con the more he has to work to keep the story straight and remain undetected. In the case of Trevor he had other characters that he had to keep straight so you can be sure he was working on this.

The con man works hard to prevent questionning or mistakes. He might deny small discrepancies that people might notice. He is prepared with a story to cover those small discrepancies. He's been prepared since he decided to do this. That is the nature of the con man.

Is any of this beginning to sound familiar?

Those of you who have left the WTS behind know what is like when we finally realized the WTS was a big lie. - shock, anger, disbelief, hurt, sickened, duped, suckered, creeped out, confused, stupid, and betrayed. I know I felt all those things when I started to research the WTS.

The techniques of the con man and the WTS and an abusive husband or father are all the same. Hide the real agenda, slowly lure the victims in, build trust, and then lure them a bit more and on and on. There is a reason why people take so long to deal with these issues. You can't see them while you are still in it. Most victims of abuse (and a con or scam is abuse) don't see it coming. They fall for it.

That doesn't mean people are naive or stupid. All it means is that they are more at risk to fall for another person's scam. The fact that so many people here fell for Trevor's game simply shows that we need to be careful. We need to look for the little slips, the little chinks in the armor. The fact that no one ever talked to Linda on the phone was one of those. Many of the other things that people noticed, mostly after the fact, were the little bits and pieces that needed to be checked out.

The people here on JWD are kind, open, supportive. You are good people. Those of you who have come out of years of the WTS have been through a lot.

Many of you have been in relationships where there was abuse. Or had abusive marriages. Some have had friends, or jobs where similar things happened.

I'm using the word abuse on purpose here. Trevor abused the trust from those of you who involved with the story line. When Linda "died" he abused the trust of many more people. The WTS certainly abused our trust,. Who would have thought they were deliberately lying to us?

Even though we are at higher risk that doesn't mean we can't defend ourselves. Learning about how abusers work, how they set up the scam and how they reel people is is essnetial to stop being a target.

There is a lot of information in the Best of section of the board. Check out

YOU can stop the cycle. It isn't fun to find yourself in one of these scams. It hurts.

You are good people and you didn't deserve to be treated this way. You didn't deserve to have your trust destroyed.

And you do deserve whatever time it takes to put this in prespective

Gopher

Thank you for that post, Lee. It puts a learning experience into good perspective.

We were taken for a ride by the WTS. We need to be on the lookout for scams, while continuing to reach out to help people get past their JW experience.

I hope people don't pull back from sharing of their time and energy (whether it be here or in real life) because someone pulled an elaborate scam. It has happened before, and it'll be tried again. It doesn't invalidate the value of this discussion board.

compound complex

bttt

Thank you, Lady Lee, for this "healing" commentary. We appreciate it very much.

CoCo

Merry Magdalene

Well thought out. Nicely said.

But when you say

What they don't realize is that a con man grooms his victims over time, slowly building trust before his "game" starts....The techniques of the con man and the WTS and an abusive husband or father are all the same. Hide the real agenda, slowly lure the victims in, build trust, and then lure them a bit more and on and on.

that doesn't mean all of them do this intentionally or consciously, does it? Just curious. Because it seems to me like some of the lying abusers I have known are following this pattern without even realizing it. And then when they are confronted with it they react with a bit of shock themselves, as if they are the actual victims, because, in some strange, twisted sort of way, they are, but then end up sickly and wrongly blaming those they have abused (or something or someone else) rather than accepting the full reality of the situation and their own psychological problems.

I don't know. Good learning experience, I guess. I hope.

~Merry

jgnat

What I learned from the Trevor incident and our furor over Danny Haszard's actions, is that this board has matured to a thriving community. We got more excited over this internal betrayal than say, the change in publications or the generation change. Perhaps this is a sign that the ex-Witness community has matured beyond orbiting the society, and we care more about taking care of our "own".

That is a good thing, I would say.

I've been duped before, and I'm sure I will be duped again. All that has to happen is someone smarter than me pulls one over. It happens to everyone at some time or another.

Fleur

((((((((Lady Lee)))))))))) huge hugs for you and thank you again for putting the best of section together. I was perusing it just now and had forgotten what a goldmine it is. I highly recommend it to anyone here who is just out or new to the boards, or even folks like me who have been gone awhile and missed some things.

love to you Lee,

essie

5go

Ok what is this Trevor = Linda plot thing about?

Some one get a convincing sockpuppet going again?

Lady Lee

Merry

that doesn't mean all of them do this intentionally or consciously, does it?

I doubt many who do this realize what they are doing. And most would deny it if you confronted them with it.

Some justify their actions as "trying to help" and it is "for our own good" Hearing those words is a huge alarm.

Some were most likely abused as kids and they may just think that is the way to treat people. So in a way they are also victims. But at some point a person has to realize they are wrong or that people will be hurt or angry when the truth comes out. They use denial to stuff down the fear of getting caught. "It's was just a joke" The excuses are endless. And the damage they inflict on others is irrelevant to them.

Merry Magdalene

Thanks for your answer Lady Lee. Your perspective seems very balanced and so helpful.

~Merry

Vernon Williams

Lady,

Good post: excellent observation and commentary.

One scam does not demean the members of the board: it highlights thier openess and responsiveness and, well....love....

This board represents the coolest bunch of people I have ever met.

One person told me, when I was telling her about "apostates:" "It looks like the WT looses the best."

She is right, you know.....

V

What can we learn from the recent upheavals on the board

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