Confused...

millymollymandy

Hi, I've been lurking on here for a few days but I have a burning question that needs to be answered so I'm outing myself...

I'm a non-JW (non-Christian, in fact) and I've been in a relationship with a JW for the last five years. We're both pretty young (early 20s) and he still lives at home with his devoutly JW family. We kept everything a secret at first but gradually they found out. They weren't too happy at first but we carried on seeing each other and nothing bad happened. A few weeks ago I finally met his family, at their invitation. They were all amazingly lovely and didn't seem unhappy at all. I even visited them again the other week and they were still fine.

So now I'm really confused - are some JWs actually not as strict as others? Have I been worrying myself to death about the possibility of my boyfriend being disfellowshipped because of me unnecessarily? Or is there something no one's telling me? I'm concerned that maybe they're expecting me to convert at some point, as he has a sister got married after her husband-to-be converted so they could do so without disapproval.

I know the obvious thing to do is just ask my boyfriend myself, which I'm gearing myself up to do when I see him next (it's a bit of a long distance thing and he's always unwilling to talk about his religion), but I just want to prepare myself beforehand with the possibilities...

Thanks in advance!

5thGeneration

Dating a non-JW is not a disfellowshipping offense. If you are sleeping with him and it is discovered it could be though.

It's good that his family is decent about it as that seems pretty rare to me in the JW world. In any event to answer your question, yes, many JWs are more strict than others.

Hang in there and welcome to JWD!

Gopher

Hi Milly,

Or is it Molly or Mandy? Anyhow you've come to the right place.

My guess is that since the brother-in-law of this JW guy you're seeing converted, you are right that they hope to convert too. Maybe that's why they were so hospitable to you.

You need to consider, why is the JW man you're seeing so secretive about his religion? Do you know what that religion's secrets are? There are many places to find out the history and current practices of the organization, including here. We'd be happy to point you in that direction if you haven't investigated much.

millymollymandy

Thanks. It looks like no one's found out yet about us sleeping together then...

I've never been sure what counts as a serious transgression and what doesn't. There's so much conflicting information out there and it thoroughly baffles me. I guess I'm lucky that his family seem to be fine, although I'm not sure how long that's going to last the longer we stay together.

deaconbluez

If you are non-Christian, then it seems your boyfriend would be in violation of 2 Corinthians 6:14-17. But that would be if your boyfriend is a Christian. But if he, like you say, is an active JW, then that would rule that out. So nevermind.

Younglove1999

My parents have always tried their best to be friendly with my sister and her friends when she was living in our house and not practicing (ie, disfellowshipped). My mom would cook for them, let them hang out-etc. My mom got a lot of heat from the elders about letting my sister and her worldly friends hang out at our house, but my mom worried about my sister's safety and this was at least a way for her to make sure my sister was safe. It was also her way of enticing my sister to come back to the org. When my sister finally moved out, my mom had to scale way back on her friendliness with my sister because it was obvious that my sister wasn't "coming back". But they still to this day do not shun any of her friends, but the relationship between my sister and my parents is strained because of the organizational restrictions.

blueviceroy

A person in the religion activily will have tremendous issues with honesty and expression of intent

Do not expect much in the way of happiness no matter what you see if they are ingaged in the CULT that is JWs

The only thing different about JWs is the fact that they are FORCED to do what a publishing company dictates , any self motivated and intelligent human being eventually finds that they have been duped, and massive therapy is needed to repair the damage.

Don't be fooled by apperances deep feelings of misgiving inhabit each human being in the JWs . only people that are willing to give themselves up to the control of others is comfortable in this enviroment.

Don't be confused, get informed about this marketing cult that you have found .

Ask Questions here and they will be answered.

People are people so any family will be different than another

My guess is they are probably biding thier time so they can draw you into the cult with them .

millymollymandy

My guess is that since the brother-in-law of this JW guy you're seeing converted, you are right that they hope to convert too. Maybe that's why they were so hospitable to you.
You need to consider, why is the JW man you're seeing so secretive about his religion? Do you know what that religion's secrets are? There are many places to find out the history and current practices of the organization, including here. We'd be happy to point you in that direction if you haven't investigated much.

I've done a little bit of digging around the internet. Like I said, though, it all seems to conflict with each other. To be honest most of the stuff on the Watchtower site scares the hell out of me, but I'm also wary of anti-JW sites as I have no idea whether they're telling the entire truth either. I'm not at all familiar with the Bible, which seems to make things more difficult for me to understand as well!

elliej

I'm sure his family are nice people, just like they seem to you. The problem is that no matter how nice they are now, eventually it will come down to whether you are willing to dedicate yourself to their organization. When you take a stand that is opposite of what they want, they will probably change dramatically. To them everyone is a potential convert. Look up "love bombing" and it might start to make sense.

You are in a dangerous position right now because, as you admit, you don't know much about the bible. That is how they catch people. Educate yourself on their arguments and how to refute them unless you want to get sucked in. Don't think it can't happen, they are very good at what they do. Good luck.

Younglove1999

I've done a little bit of digging around the internet. Like I said, though, it all seems to conflict with each other. To be honest most of the stuff on the Watchtower site scares the hell out of me, but I'm also wary of anti-JW sites as I have no idea whether they're telling the entire truth either. I'm not at all familiar with the Bible, which seems to make things more difficult for me to understand as well!

I like JWfacts.com- it outlines what the JW's believe and poses some really good questions to think about- it's not emotionally driven, but sound logical information- at least from what I read-

I grew up a JW and finally at 26 am asking my own questions and realizing the answers the Org. are giving me don't settle right with me and I'm following my gut-

keep in mind though that JW's have hours of lectures dedicated to training JW's how to be persuasive and convincing when explaining our beliefs, just like any other sales pitch out there- so please don't take anything at face value no matter how excited it makes you feel -definitely do your research and don't take "it's not up to us to question that" or "only God knows" as an answer

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