I started a thread similar to this one a few months ago. Here's what I wrote:
One of the things that began to bother me about the JWs was their suggestions (more like rules) on seeking a spouse. Their advice makes dating seem like you’re picking out a business partner. They tell you that the most important factor is how “spiritual” your potential spouse is. Of course, by spiritual they mean how loyal of a JW they are (are they registering a lot of hours in field service every month; are they “reaching out” for privileges, etc.). Rarely, if ever, do they mention that there should be genuine love between the two people getting married. This makes for a lot of unhappy couples, in my opinion. I knew of many married couples that would not have had anything to do with each other but for the Watchtower guidelines.
Back when I was still active, I dated a really sincere JW girl. She had gotten her heart broken by her first boyfriend, the only guy she had ever dated before I came along. He left the org., and decided to do things he had never had a chance to do before, which included getting involved with other girls. We were friends at first, but began dating some time later. I think she did genuinely have some feelings for me, but she liked the fact that I was a sincere believer. However, I had been publicly reproved a couple of years beforehand (for public drunkenness), and she was having an extremely hard time selling me to her family. They felt she could do better, and by better I mean a guy with a cleaner JW resume. She knew I was a true believer and wanted to stick with me, however.
The event that led me to reassess my faith and question Watchtower doctrine happened while we were still dating. I had a choice to make: do I try to share my feelings about the org. with her in hopes of getting her out or do I just break up with her and go my own way. Well, right about that time she decided to break up with me. She invented some sorry excuse, but I knew that it was because of family pressure. Not long after, she decided that she wanted to get back together with me. I asked her why, and she said it was because she didn’t want to pass up the opportunity to be with a nice guy like me, and then she rattled off a checklist of Watchtower approved qualities that I possessed. I took that as a sign that she might have been attracted to me, but was more interested in me for the JW-approved qualifications that I possessed. I would have made a good business partner, so to speak. Although I did get back with her, I broke up with her for good about a month or two later. By that point I realized that I had begun to see the flaws in the WTBTS and that there was no going back. I would never be the sincere JW drone that I once was. Since I felt that true love was not the primary reason she was with me, I never made an attempt to share my doubts with her. I’m almost certain that she would have broken up with me since she was kind of on the fence about our relationship anyway. I’m pretty sure that word would have gotten out about my doubts as well, and I just wasn’t ready to deal with that. However, it has always bothered me that I was never able to give her a legitimate reason for breaking up with her. It was low-class on my part, but I just didn’t have any better options.
A JW guy I know sent me some pictures of her wedding not too long ago. The guy she ended up marrying has all the spiritual qualifications that a sincere JW girl would look for. I’m sure her family loves the guy, but I’m not sure that my ex does. He’s the exact opposite of everything she said she liked in a man, except for the JW stuff. She didn’t look like the typical happy wife in those pictures. In fact, she looked pretty nervous and uncomfortable. I’m sure she feels like she’s fulfilling her duties to Jehovah by following his advice on marriage. She probably points to me (no longer an active JW) as a reason why you should follow “Jehovah’s advice” on marriage. It’s a shame because she’s really smart and sincere. I think she’s going to realize the truth about the WTBTS at some point, but she’s going to have another layer of JW ties there (her husband) to deter her from leaving the organization.
