Fading From the Witnesses- How Hard Did Your Family Try to Bring You Back?

by flipper 22 Replies latest jw friends

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  R.F.

  After I walked away 6 months ago, I was hearing it from my dad everyday about the need for me to get back to the meetings. As of now, he hardly mentions it.

  My mother, who doesn't go to meetings, has started asking me about it now. Even yesterday when we were talking she asked me what needs to happen in order for me to get back to the KH.

  Others in the congregation used to call me every now and then....now I hardly hear from them. I suspect I will hear even less from them as the months roll by.

  I really think that everyone, mainly my family, think that i'm going through a phase that i'll snap out of suddenly. I'm just wondering how things will turn out when they realize I have no intentions of going back.
• 

  flipper

  R.F.- Good to hear from you buddy! Yeah, I've been faded 4 years now, and my parents were that way at first too, I'd say the first 6 months to year, especially my elder dad ! You know, armageddon is close! We see the signs of the times ! Blah, blah ! But my mom respected my views and keeps the conversation on family things. So I think you will find in time, they will stop mentioning it. I do have a real self righteous younger daughter 19, who is real pushy though, even after 4 years. Can't even talk with her on the phone and she will hit me over the head with, " So dad, are you going to meetings yet ? " Give her the same answer , "no." Oh, for meaningful conversations ! LOL! So different family members will be have different reactions ! I guess that's normal. Peace out to you friend, Mr. Flipper
• 

  undercover

  I'm pretty much full on "faded". Some of my family knows my position regarding my thoughts on the WTS and their teachings. While they're not exactly supportive of my free thinking, they havn't gone running to elders either.

  Because my family and extended family are all JWs and I grew up in several diffeent halls over the years, I know a lot of area dubs and still have some contact with some around town. So, I'll never be able to completely eradicate the influence of the JWs from my life.

  But as far as my family and I are concerned, I think we've all come to a "live and let live" arrangement. I don't bitch about the Society and JW beliefs or policies and they don't harass me about being inactive. Once in a while, I have to endure a snide comment, but that's not too bad considering how bad it could be, if those that know my true thinking decided to make a stink with the last congregation I attended.

  As for many of the JWs that I know, most are pleasant enough, but dare never bring up anything "truth" related. For most of these people, I think it's half fear and half self-righteousness. They look down on me as "weak" or "evil" but at the same time, I sense that they're afraid to know what I know, that it would cause them to think about their own situation and they don't want to do that. They much prefer being told what to do and how to it.

  They want to believe what they've been taught but are afraid to wonder what the circumstances would be if it turned out to be incorrect. That's why they fear those of us who have looked outside the religion. We did what they're afraid to do and they don't want to know what we've discovered. It would change everything.
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  flipper

  UNDERCOVER- You sound like you are my fading twin separated at the birth of our not going to meetings ! Funny. I could have just wrote your post, though probably not as eloquently , but your story is the same as mine ! My family and I also just agree not to go " there " with certain subjects, although my mom 80, is pretty cool and will discuss virtually anything with me. I, too think they are afraid with how much I really know about the organization, that they don't know ! They are afraid to ask, and find out for themselves ! It's called cult mind control ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper !
• 

  R.F.

  Thank you Mr. Flipper.

  Im just so glad to have one parent that isn't active at all in the organization, and the other parent being considered a "spiritual weakling" in the congregation. I know things would be extremely difficult if they were both hardcore.

  R.F.
• 

  flipper

  R.F.- Yeah, I agree with you. My mom and dad although being witnesses since 1951, still are very easygoing people and pretty understanding of my fading. Even though dad is an elder he is not an overighteous elder. They are both 82 and 80, so I think that they are just tired of all the BS that they have seen in their life that they just don't get excited over dissenters like they did in early years when it looked like the prophecies might be fulfilled! Makes it easier on me ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
• 

  flipper

  My mom, even though she supports my fade and I can talk with her about anything , on the phone the other day subtly said, " Oh! honey you know your family would love to see you come back some time ! But we understand how you feel about it! " (The organization and meetings that is! ) Italics mine. So I guess guys and gals, what I'm saying here is be careful, you fader brethren of mine! Even the most supportive of relatives can still drop off little hints here and there subtly ! Be cautious like the good faders we are ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
• 

  serendipity

  I think it was about a year ago that I told my sister that I stopped attending meetings. I expected phone calls from other worried relatives, as the gossip spread through the grapevine. I don't think my sister told anyone because I got no phone calls.
  
  Next person I told was my mother, earlier this year. Once again I expected phone calls. Got none.
  
  Back in September, I cast a wider net and told several family members at a family gathering, thinking they'd try to 'gang save' me, since this group included the VERY THEOCRATIC members who are actively involved in the RBC, etc. I thought for sure, I'd be getting "encouraging" phone calls. Haven't heard a peep.
  
  On Sunday, my brother asked me which cong. I'm attending since I moved. "Haven't you heard the gossip?" I asked. He had not, so I told him the news. He didn't ask why or anything.
  
  With the exception of my mother (inactive 20 years), none of my relatives have asked me why I'm not going or have tried to encourage me to go back.
  
  Of course, this makes things easier, but I have to wonder if they truly don't care about my daughter and me.
• 

  flipper

  SERENDIPITY- You have been out a year not going to meetings and your relatives have not said a thing ? Weird ! Do they think you will get pissed off if they say something? Just hold your breath, the other shoe may drop off as time goes on, they may say something , but maybe they do the soft sell like some of my family, and feel if they don't say anything, you won't feel like you are being badgered into coming back! In their mind, it might make you want to come back if they don't hassle you ! I think that is probably going on in your situation . Good luck with it ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
• 

  hybridous

  How did it go? Ha!

  They were all over me like files on shit. I had to beat them off with a stick!!

  Just kidding (mostly). My people mostly 'get the hint' and tread lightly where I am. When they forget themselves, I put them in their place.

  That's the only way this works. If you let them walk over you or browbeat you, you are a lost person. If you stand up to them and ridicule their nonsense (notice I didn't say to ridicule THEM), you may be able to enjoy a relationship on equitable terms.