I have some family that would continue to associate with me even if I were disfellowshipped. It is known by them that I am not truly an apostate (from YHWH and Jesus). I have come to a different conclusion than them after three years of intense activity at the hall. I had doubts about certain doctrinal stances that the Society has taken that begged to be explored. Now I am finally searching for truth without a preconceived conclusion that my research must definitely lead me too (the published stance). I've not attended the meetings for some time, but I continue to receive tons of phone calls. The thing is, I had many friends, and really enjoyed the association when I believed the doctrine was true (sometimes I would get depressed when I didn't, and was elated when I did). I'm not sure if I can get into trouble for expressing doubts, leaving, and then just telling people I have issues I need to resolve and that I don't want to talk about it, when they call. I'm trying to preserve my family ties by being evasive but its becoming problematic. If I get called in again to another elders meeting they may forcibly disassociate me or disfellowship. I'm not sure, and I'd like to circumvent that if possible. But any other conclusion seems unlikely. -There's a little about me. Now if this happens, what are my family options? I've already realized that continued association with other in the org will not be possible. That is regrettable but necessary. However, I read in an online copy of 'Paying attention to the flock' that my family would not get disfellowshipped for associating with me if that happened, so long as they do not 'try to justify their wicked deed'. Anyone have any experience with this? I'd appreciate it.
If I am disfellowshipped, will my family get disfellowshipped they...
by LayingLow 25 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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AK - Jeff
RIght from the start, just refuse to talk about it. State that you are trying to 'sort out my life and it's problems', or similar. Don't give any external sign of disagreements with the organization. They may bug you a bit, but without evidence they won't call a JC likely.
With the passing of time you can determine where to go from there. As you grow away from the doctrinal hold they held, your view of how to proceed for your own happiness will become clearer likely.
Jeff
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Mrs Smith
Welcome to the forum. I hope you find what you're looking for.
To answer your question, it all depends on the body of elders in your family's congregation. They seem to vary quite a bit from congregation to congregation. Your family should try and avoid association with you, but I haven't heard of family members getting df for talking to df family.
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jgnat
I suggest you honor your family by allowing the same choice you are giving yourself. You are moving on to your own path, in full knowledge of the consequences. If your family associates with you, they may or may not get in to trouble. I vote for letting them figure it out for themselves.
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momzcrazy
Laying Low,
Welcome to JWD. There are several instances of families still associating with disfellowshipped ones. I think they just can't discuss spiritual matters with you. My dad was DF'd and I still associated with him, not often but I did.And he had been an elder for several years. I have also read that exerpt from Pay Attention. Some of your family may choose to speak to you some may not. It is a difficult situation because the info that pubs get is different from what elders get. So it may depend on the attitudes of the elders in the cong.
I have been fading too, but just quit altogether last month. May I suggest getting friends that are not Witnesses, so when the time comes and you are out you have a good support system. I can't tell you how much this helped me and my 3 kids. Besides having holidays and no more meetings, they have really not been affected much. My sister is in your situation I think. She really does not want to get DF'd or DA herself. And she has several in her hall calling her. She just avoids them. All she told our Mom was that she wasn't going to be going to meetings anymore. Simple. As an adult you really don't need to explain yourself.
I really don't care if I am DF'd and may DA myself. It is just judgement from men and I answer to God. My mom doesn't know about me yet. I moved to another hall last year and they don't have my cards. I went to meetings for a while, but no service. No one has called me, I thought they would when they saw the Halloween stuff up, but no.
I know I didn't offer much on the "rules" of DFing, but look at some of the old posts here. They will more than likely give a clearer answer. Just know there are others here facing similar situations.
momzcrazy
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Rosalee
LayingLow ... your family who are still members in good standing would most certainly be df'd if they continue association with you if you get df'd. Even if you fade they would not welcome your association. If you have been an active member you know all this though.
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Mrs Smith
LayingLow ... your family who are still members in good standing would most certainly be df'd if they continue association with you if you get df'd. Even if you fade they would not welcome your association. If you have been an active member you know all this though.
Rosalee, I don't agree with you. Before I faded I knew a lot of JW's that still associated with df family members. It's not a certianty that your family will be df for talking to you.
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Rosalee
The only allowance is for family bisiness ... to be kept to a minimum.
The usual association once enjoyed will be no more.
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Mary
Laying Low said: I'm not sure if I can get into trouble for expressing doubts, leaving, and then just telling people I have issues I need to resolve and that I don't want to talk about it, when they call. I'm trying to preserve my family ties by being evasive but its becoming problematic. If I get called in again to another elders meeting they may forcibly disassociate me or disfellowship.
First of all, welcome to the board. You'll find this an excellent place to get viewpoints, ideas, and support. Next, yes you can get into trouble for "expressing doubts" but this varies from congregation to congregation. The bottom line is: you are under no obligation whatsoever to meet with the elder to discuss your beliefs. If anyone asks you, just either deny you've got any doubts, or just tell them that you're "working through them with Jehovah's help" and if you need their help, you'll let them know.
Now if this happens, what are my family options? I've already realized that continued association with other in the org will not be possible. That is regrettable but necessary. However, I read in an online copy of 'Paying attention to the flock' that my family would not get disfellowshipped for associating with me if that happened, so long as they do not 'try to justify their wicked deed'. Anyone have any experience with this? I'd appreciate it.
The elders' manual on page 103 says "....The principle set forth in Jesus' words at Matthew 10: 34-38 has a bearing on situations involving disfellowshipped or disassociated relatives. Special and difficult problems may arise in relation to social gatherings. Loyal worshipers of Jehovah will want to adhere to the inspired counsel at I Corinthians 5:11. Normally, a close relative would not be disfellowshipped for associating with a disfellowshipped person unless there is spiritual association or an effort made to justify or excuse the wrongful course.
This also varies from family to family. Some family members are die-hard Witnesses and they will indeed shun you if you get The Axe. Some might be willing to have some association with you as long as it's done on the sly and no one from the Hall sees them. Others realize that this is a sick, disgusting, extremely harsh doctrine and will continue on in their association with you. Only you can determine what your family's reaction to your getting DF'd will be. If you think they're going to be hard-liners, I would strongly recommend that you try to avoid going down that route. If you've already expressed doubts and the elders know about it, you could say that you were suffering from depression and weren't thinking clearly. But as I say, you're under no obligation to meet with them. If they try to force it, just tell them that you're really depressed right now and your doctor doesn't want you having any more stress at the moment.
It's a shame that you'll probably have to lie to the elders, but when you're dealing with a high control group like the JW's, you're left with few options if you want to keep your sanity and your family. Keep us posted!
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Paralipomenon
It's usually a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Many people continue to associate with their disfellowshipped family and if elders find out they will council the person and possibly put them on restrictions for talks or handling mics, but disfellowshipping for association is very rare.
You're more likely to see someone reproved for being fat than disfellowshipped for associating with family members.
But as jgnat said, it's a personal choice. You need to stand up for what you believe in and let other family members stand up for what they believe in. If they don't feel you are bad association, then they just won't tell people they are associating with you and it is fine.