part II - my JW boyfriend wants reinstatement. What do i do

un_girl_ch

I posted this at the end of worldlygirl's question, but I think it got bared into so many posts... Hi there, I am pretty much in the same situation here as the Worldly girl(minus the children). My boyfriend is an ex JW – His ex wife cheated on him – they divorced. Then after sometime he started seen a non jw girl and got disfellowshipped for that and is family hasn’t spoken to him in 7 years. It is a very hard and difficult situation; I have been researching a lot about the cult and trying to ask inquisitive questions to get him to think critically… We have been together for 6 months and we love each other very much. He has now started attending his meetings and wants to be re-instated. The problem is that I have no religion and neither have a desirer of having one, but the elders in his congregation already sent the message that they want to meet me, hence asap… To top it up, I work for one of the UN agencies… Help…

carla

Run like hell.

You say he doesn't want a religion and yet these bad horrible men are forcing him? While I agree they can be bad and horrible, how about the bf? Wouldn't it be nice to have a MAN that is able to stand up for himself? His family hasn't talked to him in seven years? so what's his hurry now? If he gets reinstated you will be tossed aside in all likelyhood. He will find a 'good jw'. Yes, there are those that marry non jw's but the non jw is looked down upon. The jw's will control every aspect of his life from what he can read, watch, hair, facial hair, clothing, sex life, all holidays are out you know, all his time, etc.. etc... When they have all his time you will maybe get his leftovers in time, is that what you want in life? A man who puts you second, wishes along with all other jw's for the day of your destruction (your death) and who also will have conflicting feelings about you. On one hand he will love you as much as a jw is able to but on the other hand if you don't join you will give him a stigma at the hell. If you were to marry and have children you realize he would rather see them die than give them blood, are you ready for that fight?

megsmomma

Hi and welcome!

I guess my advise for what it's worth would be to show him all that you've learned and this site if he will look at it. Then let him deciede what he wants to do. If he still wants to be a part of that religion....you will have to deciede for yourself if you want to live like that. I know I couldn't do it.

mrsjones5

You do not have to meet the elders...since you're not a jw they have no authority over you or your boyfriend. Like someone just said "Run"!

primitivegenius

some good advice................ best is to run like hell i think but you probably cant do that without trying can you.

tell him you wanted to get a better idea what his former religion was like so you could relate to him better......... and then show him what you found...... if he still belives that jws have the "truth" then you are not gonna fare well.

prediction............. you stick with him, marry him, even kids................

he goes back to the cult..... then he is gonna be looked down upon because he married a worldly person who wants nothing to do with the "truth". so there will be NOTHING he can do to overcome that stigma....... he will in most cases not be used as a minesterial servant or elder........ tho occasionally they will take someone in his situation. not as an elder tho.

now you gotta get used to him working and then going to those dreadfull 5 meetings a week, and field circus at least 10 hours a month......... plus all the studying and reading of publications........ then you gotta add into it the assemblys and conventions...... all this is time taken away from you and possible children.

then if somehow he is appointed a MS there is that much more time taken away from you in dealing with his assignments at the meetings or when he is called to go with elders to do some sort of sheparding work or whatever

any kids he will want to raise in this so called "truth" and he wont want them to associate with anyone not a jw. wont want them playing any sports or celebrateing any holidays.....

so you ask yourself................ is it worth it?

or.......... can i pretend and go with him...................... experienceing all the horrors ive just went over....... except not beliveing the bullcrap?

so do what you gotta do........... try and show him the real facts about his religion and then make up your mind.

best of luck

MadTiger

Run.

Figuratively.

And literally, if you have to.

new boy

Do whatever you like just keep in mind.

1.If your boy friend joins back up...the real presure for you to join, will begin...because his family will be on him as well.

2. If you join and change your mind later...the same thing his family did to him (cut him off for years) they will do to you.

If that sounds fun and you don't have a problem with that....go for it.

I was in love too but when I decided to leave it destroyed our marriage.....it can have that kind of power.

un_girl_ch

Hi Guys, Thanks for the advice - I will not marry him if he returns to his religion. But I would like to try and see if I can inflict some critical thinking into him. Yesterday I sent him about 10 e-mails with info in regards to the UN thing... he has not got back to me yet... but I guess the material will go straight into the Elders hands... and boy... I am not really keen in meeting them ... Any advice in regards to that please?? Many thanks once again....

Sirona

I would not meet with the elders.

If you meet them and you are not favourable to the religion, they will advise your boyfriend to cease contact with you. That is a fact. JWs promote dating only other JWs. In the few circumstances I've known where a JW has a "worldly" partner, the partner has had to convert.

If you meet them and you mention the UN or other things you know about the religion, they will advise your boyfriend that you are DANGEROUS to him spiritually and he should not even discuss the religion with you.

The elder's will basically want to know this:

1. Will this girl convert? (If no, we need to stop their relationship right now) (if Yes - they will immediately start your indoctrination process and in the meantime you will be advised that you can NOT have sex before you are actually married)

2. Is the guy sleeping with this girl? If yes, they will tell him he must immediately cease having sex with you if he wants to be reinstated. They will ask him and have been known to watch where people sleep at night in order to check.

3. Is she an apostate? If you act like you know anything about the religion they will suspect that you are dangerous to him and advise him thus.

So if you meet them, you will need to decide....do I want the lines of communication still open with my boyfriend? If so, you may have to act as though you are "thinking about" converting, but you don't want to have a bible study just yet, you are still considering it.

You could then try and give him the info and help him see the reality - that this is a high control group who are destructive.

Seriously consider - if he becomes JW you will always, always come second to the religion and the religion will demonize you to some extent in his mind.

Sirona

sass_my_frass

Why would you meet with the elders? What power do they have over you?

part II - my JW boyfriend wants reinstatement. What do i do

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