Wow, I had a great evening with myself so far...
Let's see, got really really angry (like the state of existance angry where it takes over your head and body) and went for a walk telling every person I passed to F*** themselves... gave the finger to girls in cars that "WOOO!ed" me. Thought about ways to kill myself that will allow me to enjoy myself at the same time. Felt like I wanted to be the starchild at the end of Arthur C. Clarke's 2001: A Space Odyssey and just Fing detonate every nuclear device on the planet at the same time. Came home and lifted weights until my arms were numb to get rid of the anger. Looked at myself in the mirror for 30 minutes, jumped in the hot tub without the jets on for 15 minutes, came downstairs and hyperfocused on my existance and almost had a panic attack when I realised I can't shut my mind off and that I can't escape the f***ing hell that is my life. Surfed wikipedia a while, read more about the causes of my Post-SSRI Sexual Dysfunction (I haven't had an orgasm or felt the need to orgasm in about a month now, I cannot get aroused), read a little more about neurochemistry and read about JWs a bit, just to see what kind of BS they have online, it's alright actually. Tried to look at food enough to want to eat it but can't. Listened to Mahler for a while but needed something more aggressive (yes I know Mahler can be very aggressive, but I've heard it all before) so I put on some Tool...
Now I've taken two Xanax and should be slooooowing down aaaannnttyrtime..............