Initially the friendship issue was difficult to deal with. I think possibly it keeps some people going to meetings because friends can seem to be your world.
I remember when I was a witness I thought worldly people cant understand me. I have hundreds of friends they dont have any.
Then after a point I realized the cost of the friendships I had were sucking the life out of me to be a witness. When I had reached my saturation point I snapped and didnt care anymore.
I used to enjoy weekend camping trips and card playing alcohol drinking get togethers. But I dont do it anymore. And I have a bitter memory of where such behavior leads me. I'll describe it as out of control and doing someoneelses biddding.
Now I am very guarded with my time and friendships. I have my wife and son. I have accquaintences, I call them Hi buddies. I play music with a band at this time once or twice a month we get together say hi, hows it going, talk about how hard it is to work and play music. Sometimes I drink, sometime I dont. I've been playing with these guys for the past 7 years, but its all on a music business level, which is fun to me. But we dont even call each other on the phone the band runs by e mails.
I from time to time attract people from work as a detention offcer who want to sit around drink and play music. I always discourage these friendships. Probably because there are only so many hours in a day. I have a band that pays money and plays professionally, so I dont need anything else on that plate.
I have also been asked at work to go golfing with various officers. I decline because I dont have the time.
On the weekends I dont play music. I look forward to sitting home renting a movie, taking my wife out to dinnner with my son and his wife. I try to ride my motorcycle down to the beach a couple of times a month with my wife for a dinner while listening to live entertainment.
I try to get to the gym 5 times a week and doing that and cutting the grass and doing the dishes and making dinners, I really dont have time for anybody or anything else.
I'm 55. I knew by the time I was 40 I prefered sleeping in a bed in airconditioning to camping in a sleeping bag with bugs. I spend to mucch time at the gym to blow it by sitting around all night drinking and playing cards. To me cards are no fun if I'm not drinking.
When I go out west snow skiing, I book the trip through a local sporting good store. They take 100 people from Tampa. So for my week of skiing I have all kinds of friends to drink and party with at night and we were all on the same page. Skiing the mountain. When my vacations over its back to my routine till the next year and then I see 60 to 75 % of the same people again to party on the mountain.
What ever I need to have done, I have to do myself. I dont go through life accumilating friends to bail me out if times get tough. When times have been tough, I got through them by myself nobody held my hand. If I dont or cant get through it then its over. It's going to end for everybody sooner or latter.
Join AAA so you have a friend if your car breaks down.
I will say these are my feelings as a 55 year old man. When I was a 21 year old JW I needed friends. I was terrified, I didnt know how to survive or do anything and that need kept me going to the Kingdumb hall till I was 31. I needed the friendship of my brothers who knew how to repair cars and were electricians and who had survival skills.
When I was in my 30's I cultivated a friendship with a fellow who was a born again baptist type. He worked with me as a tool maker, I played him like a JW and learned all I could about making tools from him. Plus he was an excellent shade tree mechanic so I talked God with him and learned how to repair my autos for 25 years. Then my company got Bushwacked and currently I'm on my own with just the knowledge and money I have accumulated to protect me.
I do have accquaintences. If I lost my job tomorrow, I could most likely hook up with musical accquaintences and make a couple of hundred dollars a week. But I see it as quid quo pro. Something for something.
I'm not particularly happy and I'm not overly sad, I just try to live life one day at a time. I guess if something was on my mind that I had to run by someone I would just come here and type it up.
And I dont have to go to 5 hours of meetings and 10 hours of door to door a month to do so.
I know I sound kind of cold. But I have always been in situations were people treat you like a friend to manipulate you. Even at work today. People give you a wink a smile and a kind word and they think they own you.
